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Thread: My Tears

  1. #1
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    My Tears

    Late one night, alone in my room I let my tears drop
    One hand clenched, refusing to fold under pressure
    Bless her, she need’s it, she’s beautiful, me…not so
    I pray to fall further and further away from what I don’t know
    Façade doesn’t know me, and we’ve never been homies
    But he’s still the only one left trying to show me
    How to stay lonely…


    My tears are rain drops
    Thunder and lightning in a dark time, until my pain stops.
    And the same shocks of life retaliate on what isn’t real
    Knowing the world I molded folded because sin appeals
    So I begin to steal their fears, late at night I catch dreams
    The darkness consumes most souls but my match screams
    Sunshine illuminates the snakes, not all venom rattles
    Slithering by your feet as you herd with the other cattle
    The shutters crash in battle with your little prairie home
    My tears moisten the soil as you sink like a buried stone
    Crys of fear carried my chariot but how have I arrived here?
    As Bolts from Zeus accompany Thor’s ride inside my tears
    Sly mirrors reflect medusa’s stare but your not looking
    w/ broken wings your locked inside the bird cage of central booking


    My tears are rain drops
    Thunder and lightning in a dark time, until my pain stops.
    And the same shocks of life retaliate on what isn’t real
    So how long can you conceal what isn’t real for a meal….ticket
    I still spit it cuz my tears aint real and I cant feel for a fool
    So I still do what I try to do, always a mimic tryin to keep it true
    Relax, sit and retaliate… motto of life that I try and debate
    Until fate makes my intimate state seem so convincing
    Music makes me a level higher, but im a liar, a worn out tire
    Ride or die, ima cry cuz my tears have left me confused
    I choose to misuse who loves me, im on a level higher,
    Those that try to buy her fly higher while I’m still a liar, tryn to expire


    Don’t listen to this copy…
    Not me, why cuz my tears aint a copy of lifes sloppy excuses
    At proof that you and I only exist when we start to act stupid
    Forget cupid, I ignored him a long time ago, when I was stone
    Cold and alone, but still not capitol to call my own, grown
    Into a delicate state still tryn to penetrate a better state of feelings
    Concealing what im truly meanin, deamns be dreaming how
    My sound aint level but I fight the cause cuz I aint down
    Pounding at my temples the levels of seductions are hard to fight
    Alone at night I cant rewrite or find the might to overcome the evil
    Just choosing to peel with all the other sun burnt people

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    well... the rhymin and story was good, the vocab was outstanding, flow was, meh at times but good at spots too, your tryin 2 rhyme 2 much and its takin u off topic...i dunno i would giv it an 8.5/10 which is pretty good but i wasnt feelin this 1 that much... i think u can do better than that
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  4. #4
    Hellavated
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    yo return the favor and check out my 2 mixs... check my signature
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  5. #5
    Awaken
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    Hmm...decent drop, not bad. But, what was the main plot for this piece? or message? Cuz it kind of seemed you were jumping around from topic to topic not making any bit of sense at all. The lines were decent, pretty good wordplay and all that junk. But the only thing you really need to work on is the whole ''theme'' of the story, keep writing, hope to see you improve.

  6. #6
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    word^

    so what i was tryin to do was vaugely depict the tears of different figures.

    The 1st is me.
    2nd is God.
    3rd is Lucifer
    4th is you...

  7. #7
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    up.

  8. #8
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    This shit was tight as fuck, Si.

    And I already told ya on Izzaim...so heres ya an up.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  9. #9
    Ehud
    Guest
    yo this shit was Sick.. vocabulary was use correctly.. and the topic he was trying to reach was probably Lost Souls with deep Sorrow or wat not.. and he pretty much stick with it even tho it was from different accounts of or situations of feelings...
    Ill overall, keep on elevating...

    In return, show me some love by giving me some feed
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186975

  10. #10
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    Decent drop nothing out of the ordinary, Still alot better then what rb kids now days be dropping.

  11. #11
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    nice nice,. enjoy your rhyme scheme very well put...

    The shutters crash in battle with your little prairie home
    My tears moisten the soil as you sink like a buried stone
    digging the rhyme here, a very well thought out drop. almost poetic,
    too many good lines to quote homes, but all in all not much u need to change,
    peep my first drop,
    lowerd contemplations...a lil funny drop

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  12. #12
    Banned AL CAPONE's Avatar
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    Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//cass lit they ass just to let them know u aint playin witem
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    very deep song could be betta if u had flow but just work on it ok overall verse rate 7.5/10

  13. #13
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    thanks. up.

  14. #14
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    ............up..............


    777 Bitches.

  15. #15
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    again.

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