just a little sumthin

[mel_dacityboy]

I've been blessed man this rappin aint easy/
I spit heat on the mic dat leave the booth steamy/
i rip tracks and destroy mixtapes/
my punches knock people out like the dat rape/
im in the game dont spend time on the sideline/
i leave mics burnt like penny off good times/
im on the block wit the savages/
u being hot has as much chance as texas passin gay marriges/
Im on the block tryin to get my change/
homeboy step on my turf he'll get the boot just like the game/
they keep runnin they mouth imma show'em sumthing/
I'll dump u in a lake the dont call the bayou city for nuthin/

i know it was short i was tryin to get my feet wet wit this one though.
holla at ya boy

[mel_dacityboy]

man I wish it could have been better

[Gotti]

it was aight, work on complexity, ur length is aight, better vocab couldve been used, just elevate i guess yo, and keep droppin

[Kairos]

Work on closer length lines. Also read and give feedback to other pieces on open mic, you need ideas for concepts. You used burning up the mic twice. Keep writing and you'll elevate.

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[warchild]

This was aight for your first or second try.
The structure was ok on most of the lines but you need to work on your vocab and flow.
The only line i found funny was the gay marriage line.
Keep writing and keep posting and you'll improve.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175058

[mel_dacityboy]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post2134047

[TR's Alias]

I see where you are going with this but the written word take alot more to impress than just saying it live. Im not saying that it is bad but think of it this way. Your words have to do all the talking, not your voice/tone/emphasis and the like. If you are writing like this try and see that its words your writing not words you are saying.

[mel_dacityboy]

appreciate it

[Mistral]

only 1 link.