Thats What They Call Me (My First Entry)

[ThaTruth]

>> Yo this is my first rap I'm puttin on the site. And I'm just introducing myself they call me "ThaTruth".

They call me a criminal, but people ain't understandin that,
My moms is dead, I raised my bread, I couldnt handle it,
Havin to pack clothes inside a tan back pack,
All the anger I had inside I've held back,
Makin ryhems from the streets, packin my waists with heat,
scared as shit, that someone was gonna attack me,
my days was numbered, countin down how many I had left,
Couldnt get a job cause I didn't have a address,
Callin my outlaws but still aint get no responses,
I felt like I was alone, no uncles or aunts,
Finally I run across some cash sellin some dope,
it was my last result, the caskets closed
I had too many enemies, I was strickly out numbered,
But oh what the hell, I got more to come wit.

[Creepin Disciple]

it waz aight put mo effort to it n all n up ya vocab n stay in rythem n u'll b fine but fo yo first time yea dat was straight

[Jay-Rell]

that was an okay rap
ya bars weren't put 2gether well put the message and the meaning was cool!!

[Red_]

the title really didnt match the drop,
it was straight for your first drop but it was too basic,just improve on your rhyming concept and youll be cool
flow was aight and so was structure,try putting multies in there too

just elevate and keep dropping

[ThaTruth]

yo thanks for the tips

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[warchild]

This was a decent concept but you just go deep enough into it.
You started off well but the verse was just to short.
Your structure was ok but your vocab and flow needs work.
Keep writing and you'll improve try and make your verses longer.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172018