my life your life

[menolin]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169928
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169705

this is going to be an audio verse, so the flow can be a little on and off at times cos of the beat. So just give me some pointers


seventeen years young, and living in a hectic world,
crime rates up, and life full of septic girls,
and when my times done, im gonna rest and see,
the whole world, haunting who's next to be,
the best since me, the biggest unknown talent,
i speak the truth, thats how i tip the balance,
only one solid chance, an i dont wanna lose my grip,
if i slip, then of the planets axis i trip,
lifes a big straight line, an if it gets bent,
you'll be old, wondering were the fuck life went,
cash all spent, in an out of prison, by thirty,
kids got no respect for you, faces all dirty,
running from the law, debt collectors on your back,
cursing life, justifying the way you act,
but its up to you, and dont decide the worst,
even the bible can't control people through verse

[warchild]

I was feeling this piece but it was a bit to short i think you could of had a lot more to say on this subject.
The structure was decent, your flow was nice to begin with but then it started to slip after 4 bars so you need to work on keeping your flow consistent.
The vocab was decent there was a good little story rhyme in there i think you should a longer story though.
This would of been a lot better if it was written longer.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169972

[conquistador]

good but...you left me hanging because it was so short...if this to be an audio verse it'll be like 5 pages, but anyway thanks for dropping some hotness keep rocking

[sick thoughtz]

nice flow i liked the whole set up keep doing what you do much love

[menolin]

it aint the finished version, just wamted to know how it was going.

i'll reply to that link when i get home.

[Foreshadow]

it sounds pretty good for not being finished. I think that it will be a nice audio. are you going to put a hook on this track or what I just want to know but decent nice topic.

[menolin]

yeh i aint good at writing hooks, but i'm going to have a try.