Cycle of Violence

[*Boy Wonder*]

Topic: You are a famous author around the world. You have just released a very controversial book, and a large portion of the world is now turning against you. Recently, there have been news reports of certain gangs and angry mobs all planning to kill you. What was your book about... and what eventually happens to you and your haters/supporters.

I used to hustle on the street...barely made-a-cent //
Spent 3 month homeless cuz I couldn't pay-da-rent //
Wrote flows on scraps of paper...dreamed of gettin'-signed //
Now if ya want me to autograph ya novel, ya gotta step-in-line //
I buy cars, hoes and bling for any high-amount //
My book "Black vs Black" sold more than I-can-count //
It deals with how the white man ain't really the most racist //
Blacks suffer most at the hands of other blacks, let's face-it //
But for an African American to have this philosophy //
Makes people react with anger and animosity //
Mobs of Black's think that I'm-a-traitor //
Throwing stones yelling "Die-you-hater !!!" //
So one day when I was chillin' back-at-my-place //
Out jumped a nigga and shoves a gat-in-my-face //
{Me} - "Be easy !! Just chill-my-brother !!" //
{Him} - "Ya book's bullshit !! A White Man killed-my-mother !!" //
"Nigga, I donno what kinda scam-this-ish-is" //
"This is the killers gun, carved with Klu-Klux-Klan-initials" //
"You're a brotha, how can you jerk-dat-trigga?" //
"Claimin' my book was wrong, but now you merk-a-nigga?" //
"That stuff was bull shit, I can tell-what-I-read" //
BOOM!!! - An inch closer and I'd have a shell-in-my-head //
He was fiddling with the gun, tryin'-to-cock-her //
I dove to the ground 'n made a dash for my-locker //
Grabbed my own piece, "Now what will-you-do?" //
"Can't get it to fire?"...."I'm gonna kill-you !!" //
I put two caps in his chest, kicked his piece-from-his-grasp //
And told him a secret, as he was breathin'-his-last //
"No white guy killed ya moms and he ain't roll-with-da-Klan" //
"I used to own that gun, that's how I know-it-would-jam" //
Ironic...."Black vs Black" the same-as-we've-done //
Like the night I carved my name-B.W.-on-the-gun //

[Foreshadow]

This was a good piece it had some nice story telling abilitys within it. I was feeling some parts and some parts were blah but keep posting and you will get better.,

[*Boy Wonder*]

My Linx
I wrote this to 'The Sixth Sense' beat
Turtore Shop (underground for dat ass)

[TonyFresh]

Fuck u u think u can critize my shit for doing a story line with my rap and then u do the same shit motherfucker ur such a hypocrite ur not talented u just rhyme a lot u think of a plot and u think it's great but then when i do the same thing u hate on me i got my own style u g dep wonna be pick up a blaze abulm he does the same shit but mine is different and i make sure of that i stretch my words cuz i have to cuz u can't read it if i put my shit how i read it don't critize my shit u fucka ur a hata just like u said in ur song i make way better shit than u and i know it

[MuhThugga]

Stop putting hyphens inbetween syllables of end rhymes. It completely distracts the reader from the piece.

With that said, your rhymes are mediocre and nothing really grasps the readers imagination. Try to find something that actually is interesting and isn't the same cliche that has been written about 100000 other times.

At least try to find a way to talk about the cliche in a new light.

[*Boy Wonder*]

thanxx yo for the feed back i will take that into concideration.

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[warchild]

This was a hot verse i like it a lot.
The structure was good.
The flow was tight the vocab was tight but the emotion and story in the verse was brilliant you had some killer lines.
Overall this was probably one of the best verses ive read on here.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168868

[*Boy Wonder*]

yo thanx war child for the feed and credz look below what foreshadow wrote and its there. and credz it absolutezero i was part of ur crew last year b4 i went away a bit. Boy Wonder holla

[Awaken]

^^as said above. This piece had parts that we're fucking good, and then just fucking blah. Such as the buying cars, hoes and bling line, come on....lol. And for you to use this topic, you should've came harder on what the book was about, cuz maybe it was me, or it just didn't make sense that a black man would call yourself a traitor...lol. But yeah, anyways...Your structure was horrible as well. the multie fillers don't quite cut it. We know how to read and rhyme it, you dont have to use hyphens in between words to make it look right. That just annoys me, other than that, this piece is average, keep dropping tho man, peace.