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Thread: Impenetrable Fortress (SS Verse)

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    Impenetrable Fortress (SS Verse)



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    Impenetrable Fortress:

    - War and Peace -


    - Mercenary men, who lack mercy, press him to impress more -
    - This then, is the story of a man’s impenetrable inner fortress, or -


    - A foolish Patriot -


    Staring death in his cold face, I yield little; if at all my heart flutters
    We've no mouths for voicing fear, no ears for discontented mutters
    My brothers and I march on; through the thickets and wildest regions
    Marching toward uncertain end, no need for reason, a hardened legion
    Walking through tundra and deserted planes, the most difficult terrain
    The most blatant simplistic truth saying; I’m a patriot, I am not insane
    I’m in love with my country, and my countrymen and women the same
    I live to breathe freedom, and would die to rescue Alexander’s Reign
    The barefaced shame, of these deserters, it haunts my conscience -
    It taunts me to think that I cannot know these assorted monsters
    The doubts I mean, Russia wants us, how do people sleep at night?
    How do they keep their eyes shut, when alone with their lowly plight?
    I am at the feet of the Tsars - men that made Russia a superpower
    Look what you do: with the nobles discarded, and regarded invalids
    Look hard; and you’ll see the retarded winter’s idiots amid the truth
    Consider us insipid, shallow, we root out lies and plant gumboots.


    - A Battle -

    Both sides now are engaged, in a bitter conflict we are embroiled
    Plunged into battle, naked on what may, or may not be sacred soil
    Tension on a base of a fencer’s foil, is nothing to that in the air today
    Feel like cannon fodder on the field; I’ll maybe make my name this way
    Musket shots ring out left and right; chaos ensues over the left flank
    Taking no heed, I leap forward, my brothers left for dead, and I bank
    Pivoting on horseback, I surmount fear, my stomach disappears… and
    I stand firm here, I leap into battle, steer toward winter’s ice tears
    Twice this year we’ve engaged the French, and twice been driven back
    That young Rostov, must’ve had some love at home, he must’ve grown
    Driven home, and umm, that – Is more unfair than that armour I lacked
    Ingrown toenails, poor-fitting boots - feet itch, limping with a stitch
    Ranks of the Russian Army yield, like dead clouds on the battlefield -
    Yet I cry aloud: “Long live Russia, in the face of treachery revealed!”
    Staring at death without blinking, thinking: ‘Is my mind still in sync?’
    Napoleon or no one can penetrate the fortress of my ‘right to think.’


    As they march forward here, we skip through the foreword
    Like flicking through a book, you have to find your own nook
    Your privacy to look at something without being disaccorded
    Sacred - A Sordid tale of an assortment of crooks


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    Last edited by Dan Dare; January 11th, 2005 at 05:12 PM
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    Last edited by Dan Dare; January 11th, 2005 at 02:56 PM
    ...

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    Any of you hoes wanna read this?
    ...

  4. #4
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Damn jekyll this was great. I love the story line and the whole concept basically. It was real nice I could just imagine it happining nice job.

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    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Nice drop Jek
    most was worded nicely
    but some parts could have
    had some rearrangements
    overall I liked the read,
    but I think the imagery
    was very lacking in the first
    verse. This is jus tmy opinion
    of course sometimes I really
    don't get into it and I can't
    imagine it at all...

    The second verse I loved the imagery
    and the fact that most every line was
    worded greatly...

    Good Job
    chek my OM
    What the Problem Is?<<OM

    -SyaNidal
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

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    ^ you're right, parts of it need rewording. I would have spent more time on it, but I got the no show win anyway.
    Quote Originally Posted by Foreshadow
    Damn jekyll this was great. I love the story line and the whole concept basically. It was real nice I could just imagine it happining nice job.
    Haha, it did happen. It's about the Russian-Napoleonic wars. And it's based around the novel War and Peace.

    Thanks for reading.
    ...

  7. #7
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    yo a hot drop..feeling da story..it makes u think a lot..thought provoking shyzzle..keep doin wat u do...8/10
    STAY UP HOMIEZ!
    "The only thing better than loyalty and love...is loyalty and love between thugs"-50 Cent, Lloyd Banks..LOYALTY

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    .....thanks for that.
    ...

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    ...up
    ...

  10. #10
    LiTeSknBaby F.A.M.'s Avatar
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    vocab,structure nice..content nice..carried the topic nice..i liked this verse,i always like readin some real life shit instead of readin the surreal all the time,patriotism a topic many heads dont touch,,creativity all in...hot!

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    ..
    ...

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    You've Earned a Custom Title! Omniscient's Avatar
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    Yo this was hot dogg like da story line in it...rhymes fitted in nice wit the vocab...hot shit man keep it up dogg

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    Thanks. 'Dogg.'
    ...

  14. #14
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    i really liked this piece Jek...it was a deep topic and i like the fact you didn't stray for a moment...your vocab was immpecable in this duke....you got me picturing that shit happening in my head duke....the structure was nice and your wordplay was nice as welll...you had a little multies in there but thats okay...man i had to read it twice it was that good....keep elevating holmes....again nice topic duke...one

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    ^

    Thanks for the reply man... means a lot.
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