User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 21

Thread: The Nazi Suicide Note

  1. January 11th, 2005, 12:15 PM #1
    Jai-Cee
    Guest

    The Nazi Suicide Note

    SS Battle Verse - Needs Critique

    The Nazi Suicide Note

    My legacy has ended,by the way of a German gun blast...
    Suicide, people will mourn, but my bequest will last...
    Not in my death but in the immortal scars I have left...
    Many wives and children have wept, when enemies fled...
    Allied conquests have conquered in their frantic attempts...
    Germany falls into the hands of allies as so forth hence...
    My power relents and this steel is my proceeding destiny...
    An unmatched epitome of tyranny that dictators will envy...
    I've evolved into an entity, repent me, begin to respect...
    As those Germans who surrender are traitors who defect...
    Reflect on my image and as a triumphant public speaker...
    Ponder on my death as if I was a politician or a preacher...
    even against the allies, would I have been world leader...
    equally Germany falls as this is in the hands of the reader...
    In Love of my country, My beliefs and the grief I've spread...
    For all those Nazi believers, and the Germans who now lay dead...
    They've earned my respect, dying against my side splinter...
    That allies defeated me, suicide's my escape... signed...A.Hitler
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. January 11th, 2005, 12:18 PM #2
    Mistral
    Mistral is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. January 11th, 2005, 12:21 PM #3
    Jai-Cee
    Guest
    I'm a dumbass ^

    Here they are..

    Masterbation Ruined My Life
    What hiphop means 2 me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. January 11th, 2005, 12:37 PM #4
    Novacain
    Novacain is offline
    Banned Novacain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    746
    This was an original idea, I've never seen many things like this before.

    You had good vocabulary, but at times I found it hard to read.
    Some of your lines flowed with ease, while others especially the last lines seemd forced to me.
    But overall, this was a good drop, nice work.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. January 11th, 2005, 01:47 PM #5
    BeRLin`S BesT
    BeRLin`S BesT is offline
    deine mutter BeRLin`S BesT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Berlin City
    Posts
    896
    Battle Record
    6-1
    good but not realistic...think about it....pz
    Hit N Run

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. January 11th, 2005, 01:56 PM #6
    -able
    -able is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    904
    Not realistic? What the fuck? It's a verse, why does it have to be realistic? And, it was realistic, that's what happened.

    Good verse.

    I read your topic for the SS. I'm surprised anyone is joinging now. You get no play. There's like set guides to exactly what your verse is about. Wack.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. January 11th, 2005, 02:26 PM #7
    Ack Scent
    Ack Scent is offline
    Envious? Ack Scent's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    N.Carolina.
    Posts
    2,280
    Battle Record
    15-10
    Its a good verse and its on topic as well.....good vocab rhyme scheme seemed a bit weird but thats prolly cuz of your accent...and structure was good may be just me but the flow seemed a bit off but nothing major and everything else....perfecto my firend..did u win the battle with this..hmm...

    *runs to SS to vote on others battles*

    Battles:
    Come and get it.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. January 11th, 2005, 02:49 PM #8
    BeRLin`S BesT
    BeRLin`S BesT is offline
    deine mutter BeRLin`S BesT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Berlin City
    Posts
    896
    Battle Record
    6-1
    is it realistic that Hitler woulda said some like that?....most unlikely but hey ur a fruit...
    sorry for clogging ya thread Cee....gone
    Hit N Run

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. January 11th, 2005, 02:52 PM #9
    -able
    -able is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    904
    Why does it have to realistic? He was writing to a topic, but obviously you don't know what that is yet.

    It was a good verse, and considering how shitty the topic was and how many guidelines it had. So, good work bud. Don't listen to "realistic" dude over here. If everyone followed those principles, writing itself would be dead.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. January 11th, 2005, 02:53 PM #10
    Dan Dare
    Dan Dare is offline
    +
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    6,410
    Battle Record
    2-1
    I read this already in SS. Nice verse. Bit short, but it was okay considering it was written quickly. Simple approach to the topic, but it was a shitty topic anyway. You're doing a nice job repping the crew, keep at it.

    Give this a read, if you would:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165013

    - Thanks.
    ...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. January 11th, 2005, 02:54 PM #11
    BeRLin`S BesT
    BeRLin`S BesT is offline
    deine mutter BeRLin`S BesT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Berlin City
    Posts
    896
    Battle Record
    6-1
    able said:
    "And, it was realistic, that's what happened."

    no more comment...pz
    Hit N Run

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. January 11th, 2005, 03:29 PM #12
    Steven William
    Steven William is offline
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Age
    33
    Posts
    3,963
    Battle Record
    24-7
    bleh another one I read for SS today
    the guidelines again give no one any
    freedom at all to be creative like your
    supposed to be when you write...
    and Mr. Realistic STFU you dumb herb
    your not supposed to be realistic when your
    writing it's called being creative! Dicknose

    Nice verse for such a short line limit and
    imagery you need to put more into that
    section of your writing in my point of view
    but nice job none the least...

    check out my new OM

    What the Problem Is?

    it wus a quick 15 min or less key


    -SyaNidal
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. January 12th, 2005, 11:07 AM #13
    Jai-Cee
    Guest
    Bounce...

    Thanks for the reps people, even those ones which were just arguing with the guy above... lol... Glad to see my verse has stirred some emotions...

    Anyway... WoooShHsh

    PS: Won the battle coz of a no-show...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. January 12th, 2005, 12:18 PM #14
    Xdicy
    Xdicy is offline
    Banned Xdicy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    chicago
    Age
    38
    Posts
    217
    Battle Record
    0-3
    i was feeling this it was original and with the guidelines or what ever u did good....keep it up..
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. January 12th, 2005, 01:57 PM #15
    Born To Kill
    Born To Kill is offline
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    54
    Posts
    20,733
    Battle Record
    212-103
    Awards LLL Season Champion LLL HOF 200+ Wins
    Nice shit...

    The ending, of course, was way predictable...

    I knew it'd be the cat with the funny mustache.

    Very good, but very statement like approach. You didn't go for emotion on this one, if ya did, you didn't portray it well enough...I'd have described the suffering he ordered in more detail...the horrors he caused.

    But, for who he was, and seeing as this was suppossed to come from him...

    I think it's pretty accurate...I doubt ole Hitler would reflect on with remorse, anything he did...prolly only remorse he had was that it all went south on him.

    Good shit, enjoyable.

    Technically, yeah, improvements are needed.
    A more complex rhyme scheme could always be used.
    Internals...but either way...this is good, man.

    Peace
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Similar Threads

  1. Suicide's Note
    By Neruda II in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: February 2nd, 2010, 10:37 AM
  2. Suicide Note...
    By Born To Kill in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: September 12th, 2005, 07:54 PM
  3. Suicide Note
    By DALC in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: February 10th, 2005, 10:03 AM
  4. suicide note
    By shadow_poet in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: December 5th, 2004, 06:23 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules