I'm Just a Newbie

[DarkIce]

This bout how you shouldn't take life for granted
I know it's short

Preminitions of tradgedy, that can not mean good/
Should live life exceedingly, like how blessed beings would/
You don't know how much is remaining/
Every human's time, decaying/
For what the world is showing/
Get up and intiate going/
Your life may end, in the heart of tommorrow/
Departing your kind, leaving behind kin in sorrow/
Don't take this for granted, you only get one shot/
Do everythiong you can,whether you make it or not/
Stop for a second, think what you haven't yet done/
Do it as soon as you can, or your life maybe gone/

Some HONEST feedback plz
(second rap EVER)

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[sefton blake]

right, over all i didn't think it was bad for your first drop and second rap ever. Message was pretty good for a short piece and you it carried thru your rhyme which is good. Your vocab was above/below avg and the structure and flow was mediocre. Keep rappin round topics and work on the structure a little, safe man, lookin out for yer nxt drop...

peace
sefton

[warchild]

this was a decent post, ya flow was good in the first few lines then it dropped off towards the end. it was a good message in the verse though, just keep writing and you'll keep improving, peace.
reply 2 my new post
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161496

[DarkIce]

Yeah thanks for the advice i'm tryin to improve by just writin stuff whenever i get the chance. All i need to do is practice.

[YoungTuan]

that shit was aight.but keep postin'