Shattered Aspirations

[Genocide`]

Shattered Aspirations


What happened to us? .. we used to be so close,
Talking on the phone the moment we awoke.
You and I both, constantly craved to be together,
You gave me hope and I prayed it'd be forever.
..but you know, I can't even recall the last time we spoke..
All hope is broke, and I can't understand it,
For you.. I'd have fought an entire army single-handed.
I never planned this.. all our love's magically vanished,
Our past aspirations smashed into a tragedy sandwich.
Chemistry's banished, dreams shot, knocked to the canvas,
Did we have a chance?.. or was it over before we began this?
I hate this.. all we ever had has been erased,
It's either that... or it's been dramatically misplaced.
..if that's the case.. I'll stay awake graspin' ache,
..while askin' fate, "Is there a way to make this straight?"
But it's dark and I'm scared... lookin' for a flashlight,
Terror fills the air... nightmares haunted me last night..
Crying's my new past time... I don't even bother to ask why.
There's a hole in my soul... and it's only gettin' bigger,
..so I put an end to this hurt with a single click of a trigger.

[Genocide`]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160664

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160700

[Knoxxious]

that was sum good shit man, nice flow, nice vocab, i liked the structure, and 4 sum reason im gettin the feelin that ur talkin bout ya EX lol. good work man, keep that shit happenin.

peace.

[tonguetwista]

hey geno, man i really liked it. this was deep, and i could feel ya words, you know what i mean.

What happened to us? .. we used to be so close,
Talking on the phone the moment we awoke.
You and I both, constantly craved to be together,
You gave me hope and I prayed it'd be forever.
....good opening bars......
All hope is broke, and I can't understand it,
For you.. I'd have fought an entire army single-handed.
I never planned this.. all our love's magically vanished,
Our past aspirations smashed into a tragedy sandwich.
Chemistry's banished, dreams shot, knocked to the canvas,
Did we have a chance?.. or was it over before we began this?
I hate this.. all we ever had has been erased,
It's either that... or it's been dramatically misplaced.
...good lines to follow up, which had good flow; rhymes.....
..if that's the case.. I'll stay awake graspin' ache,
..while askin' fate, "Is there a way to make this straight?"
But it's dark and I'm scared... lookin' for a flashlight,
Terror fills the air... nightmares haunted me last night..
...of course more good lines.....
Crying's my new past time... I don't even bother to ask why.
There's a hole in my soul... and it's only gettin' bigger,
..so I put an end to this hurt with a single click of a trigger.
........good ending, i mean sad, but it was good....

the whole story really drew me in. it was deep and was a good topical kind of open mic. keep postin this stuff, cause i wanna see more of it...hit me back...peace

[SirusX]

This peice was nice.. past lady friend i assume.

I like the entire peice, and thats rare.

The most smooth part it your verse is this:

All hope is broke, and I can't understand it,
For you.. I'd have fought an entire army single-handed.
I never planned this.. all our love's magically vanished,
Our past aspirations smashed into a tragedy sandwich.
Chemistry's banished, dreams shot, knocked to the canvas,

-

dope. really nice use of rhyme, slant rhyme will prevail.

[Dangerous-Werdz]

dope flow and lyrics.......the concept is lil played, but still you expressed wut u thought well and wasn't far-fetched. basically kept it tight with flow and secure with he concepts and feelings. but seems like an easy alliteration.

[SoNiK]

Flow:8.5
pattern was a little hard to follow, some lines, the rhyme was stretched really far and it will either sound like it doesn't rhyme or you'd have to put an awkward pause, unless you put it on wax and it was a different type of beat

Wordplay:10
Being a text battler vet, you kind of have the experience in this category so I wouldn't expect anything less

Content: 9.5
Very good content, good story,good read... Perfect length to get feedback too

[warchild]

this was a nice piece, it was deep, the flow was good, the structure was good, it's allllll good.

[warchild]

return the favour reply 2 my last post
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161055

[Streetcredz]

nice job man good flow vocab everything i related to it u got some talent keep it up holla

[F.A.M.]

Shattered Aspirations

i had to get inside this flow
What happened to us? .. we used to be so close,
Talking on the phone the moment we awoke.
You and I both, constantly craved to be together,
You gave me hope and I prayed it'd be forever.
..but you know, I can't even recall the last time we spoke..
All hope is broke, and I can't understand it,
For you.. I'd have fought an entire army single-handed.
I never planned this.. all our love's magically vanished,
Our past aspirations smashed into a tragedy sandwich.
Chemistry's banished, dreams shot, knocked to the canvas,
Did we have a chance?.. or was it over before we began this?
I hate this.. all we ever had has been erased,
It's either that... or it's been dramatically misplaced.
..if that's the case.. I'll stay awake graspin' ache,
..while askin' fate, "Is there a way to make this straight?"
But it's dark and I'm scared... lookin' for a flashlight,
Terror fills the air... nightmares haunted me last night..
Crying's my new past time... I don't even bother to ask why.
There's a hole in my soul... and it's only gettin' bigger,
..so I put an end to this hurt with a single click of a trigger.

I LOVED IT FA REAL AND I DONT LOVE ALOTTA SHIT,I GUESS CUZ IM GOIN THRU ALL THIS SHIT AND ITS REALISTIC,GANGSTAS FALL IN LOVE TO THATS AN EMOTION EYBODY GOT SOMIN IN COMMON WITH,I LIKED THIS SHIT STR8 FROM THE HEART,THIS YO BLOOD ON HERE,,AIGHT

[Predatorian]

great natural feeling and flow, NOTHING was forced.... okay imagery... good stuff genocide

[Genocide`]

Up.

[Genocide`]

Up.

[DarkIce]

Man this site needs more people like you, that is some good shit right there.I only joined recently but i've been lookin at this site for a while and you the shit.Anyway loved the flow and vocab u used asumme this is about some past girl u knew i am right? Keep this up!