The world made me up

[warchild]

my life has a tendency to screw me over/
so only when i wake up in hell will i be truly sober/
i look around sip the liquor and light weed/
think to myself is this all there is? might be/
i question myself everyday, should i continue or just give up/
or to my fucking reputation i must live up/
yes, i lose my mind, that's when i choose to rhyme/
cause if i didnt id never be able to excuse my crimes/
i do fuck up but im trying to live legit/
but damn it's really hard to give a shit/
about life or death, or going to jail/
none of my family believe, except knowing i'll fail/
so i gotta work at this to prove em wrong/
any obstacles obliterate my view i'll move em on/
cause if i get far, im looking back never again/
but i dont think im that lucky, cause my pain is forever a friend/

hook=i dont care about my own lifes so im a crazy fuck
i dont even fucking exist the world just made me up
i just escaped from out the psycho ward
fuck around with me ill knife ya jaw

i have disscusion's with myself over different topics/
i put truth into every rhyme i write, listen, honest/
i aint happy with this place i call home/
everywhere i go it's like im facing a war zone/
it's the same everywhere there aint another place/
all i seen growing up was pain on my mother's face/
so they wonder why i act the way i do/
cause im a walking corpse, everything i say is true/
but if you doubting me muthafucka's come and prove the lie's/
then when you come up with nothing you'll choose to die/
im just waiting for an excuse to take a life/
hey, i heard you and death gotta date tonight/
tell him he aint taking me to hell just yet/
he wouldnt have the balls anyway he can tell im upset/
i was still in my mothers womb when i saw luck leaving/
so im here to invite my death so i say fuck breathing/

i got some good replies for my last 2 posts which was cool so i thought id drop some more of my serious stuff.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161046
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161026

[warchild]

im just uppin this, im going 2 work soon so id like some feedback.

[Streetcredz]

i thought it was tight it was a song i related to and many others proly will nice job keep flowin playa happy holladayz

[Young#1]

This was ill keep it up!

[tonguetwista]

hey man this piece was tight....good work, keep it up and elevate

[jizza]

I don't like it that much. The flow was too simple and the words were repetetive in a lot of places. I thought the chorus didn't go with the words either. Maybe I'd have to here it as a song though.....

[warchild]

thanks for the replies much appreciated, id like more though peace.

[warchild]

im off now gotta get ready 4 work, night shifts, id like some more replies peace.

[The Drifter]

Pretty tight man.. I liked it.

Good to see you posting loads up too.

I'll drop a full reply later spa I'm tryna sort loads out a min.

[warchild]

come on what's with the sleeping? more replies im replying 2 yall shit.

[Interpersonal]

this was a nice piece...an easy read and really enjoyable...i like the concept and the structure was good...could have been a little bit more complex, thats my only criticism...keep elevating duke...one

[DarkIce]

Yeah this is it hold on to wat u got here and just keep improving by practice yeah try to be a bit more complex in your ryhmes but that's really all that's wrong. This best i seen u although haven't seen all your work!

Keep Postin'

[YoungTuan]

yo that shit was hot young i'm feelin' that shit