Roses Are Red

[Awaken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=157657
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160227

The last thing I remember, was seeing your smile
Until I realized you got raped by your father pedophile
So I stand here, trying to wipe the tears from my eyes
Not trying to seduce myself with a shiver in my spine
Holding the roses I gave you on our 6 month anniversary
The way you died, why couldn't it be fixed by surgery?
Why are you laying inside this box with your eyes shut?
Just letting your beautiful body rot away from my love lust
You were everything to me, you not being here's making me combust
Into a golden stream, so I leave my tears here to rust
Time to get on with my life, something that I hate to do
Everything reminds me of you, I wanna give this paper a hug or two
My love is true, I would live life through hell
Than to be stuck here in sorrow, or I'd be stuck in a cell
Now my life what's ahead, a new path I have to choose
See girl, forever now, roses are dead, and violets are too

I see your smile sometimes, through the mirror or glass
That I sip through...everything comes back from the past
To haunt you...and to light a fire up under your ass
I gotta get outta my mind, really goddamn fast

But where do I go? what people will I be seeing?
Is my love eternal, or am I just not breathing
Anymore with my lungs, I breathe through this candle wick
Sniffing the smoke of your soul back back into my heart that's lit
On fire...Never knew how much I loved her until she's gone
So I'm stuck here in this dwelling, singing this song
To all of the people that love and care for me
Knowing that what I do won't ever be enough for Amanda's Clarity
It's sad to see, that love's capacity is overflowing
To be running away from the facts is worse than knowing
So I'll never give up, never give into the struggle
So I'm floating in and out of existance, trapped in a bubble

[warchild]

damn man this was deep, felt the emotion you was trying 2 get through from the first 2 lines, it flowed well it seems more of a poem though than a song but it was dope, we all know lifes a bitch so fuck it.

replie 2 my last thread, peace.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160085

[Gene Pool]

yo man for being new here that was some good shit I'm definetly impressed and like warchild said it was deep. good drop man. as for a breakdown there isn't really much to be said cept that everything was pretty much on point. basic rhyme scheme went really well with the emotion in this and u had a really good use of imagery in here. keep up bro I'll watch out for more from u peace.

[Awaken]

Thanx for the feedback guys.

Uppin

[Awaken]

Few more comments please? it's not that long of a read nor hard, and you guys r lucky for that

[Awaken]

Alright,. whatever, this is the last time im uppin it.

[djb]

this was good really deep i like pieces like this that make you think. i really like you last stanza it was dope.
sad to see that loves compacity is overflowing
to be running away from the facts is worse then knowing
^ my favorite line i liked this a lot. nice vocab and emtion. emotion to me is the most important and you did very well in that. your rhyme scheme was dope and you had some nice multi's in there as well. good drop man i will be looking out for you from now on. and thanks for the nom.

[tonguetwista]

yea i liked this man.....it was deep and had good structure and vocab and everythang.

But where do I go? what people will I be seeing?
Is my love eternal, or am I just not breathing
Anymore with my lungs, I breathe through this candle wick
Sniffing the smoke of your soul back back into my heart that's lit
On fire...Never knew how much I loved her until she's gone
So I'm stuck here in this dwelling, singing this song
To all of the people that love and care for me
Knowing that what I do won't ever be enough for Amanda's Clarity
It's sad to see, that love's capacity is overflowing
To be running away from the facts is worse than knowing
So I'll never give up, never give into the struggle
So I'm floating in and out of existance, trapped in a bubble
...i liked all of this right here, i dont know, i just did....good stuff
keep elevatin

peace

[SirusX]

This was good. I liked the mood you set throughout this verse.
I got this friend who reminds me of this shit, so I read it intently
Rhyme was a little off for flow but overall it was nicely strung together.

[SoNiK]

I was really feelin this shit man... The first verse was a little more details than needed tho to be honest, you might want to start out lighter and progress toward the deeper shit... like if you were spitting this to someone you'd start with the good memories and the shit you'll miss and then as you go on you'll talk about the bad things... It was nicely written though, the last line on the hook might need to be reverbed a bit, it's kind of a cliche line.

The second verse came really hard though, I felt it good, chills down my spine no bullshit either

[Awaken]

^lol yeah, for some reason, my hooks always come out shitty, maybe its cuz i rush them ,idk. I'll settle it down next time around. thanks for all the feed.