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Thread: Bruised Knuckles

  1. #1
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    Bruised Knuckles

    Sighs of stress filter through the body of this blue collar John Doe
    Releaving his heavy chest while slowy polluting his crippled soul
    Looking forward to consuming His workday antisipating quitting time
    Working overtime on the line could make any person loose their mind
    When habitual productivity is force fed to the american working-class
    And society bottle feeds religious ideals anywhere but during sunday mass
    You find John Doe late for work throwing fists into his black dash-board
    Knowing his manual labor won't earn half the bills in a 7-11 cash-drawer
    Do you blame him? Filled with uncertianty on how to obtain currency
    Johnny Blaze veers towards the american dream to re-wire his curcitry
    Every day strife exists.. we're all boiling up in this so called melting pot
    Doe was caught before he entered in the convienent stores parking lot
    They claim he was a mal-function, insisting on permenent isolation
    But what was called reabilitation turned into criminal contemplation
    It's no coincendence Whitney Houston's still waiting to exhale
    Fame will drown you before you ever drink from the holy grail
    Breath people, Open your eyes, cuz fourtne doesnt read in brial
    Wealth is the language of resperation, money will never prevail

    Can you embrace the ramifactions of his brused knuckles
    Beneath the thumb im-printed red button pressed rubble
    Engaged in a tug of war struggle with Orions belt buckle
    Your delt trouble, but insist on finding a perpetual struggle
    Word to the not so wise masses finding intelectual trouble
    Reality follows behind your path like a 3'oclock shadow
    Nipping at your heals throughout your lifes 7 travles



    Feedback appreciated.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    redruM. Cinquix Incision's Avatar
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    it was hot, had nice flow and deep feeling to it.....i liked it, structure and vocab. also.....nice
    "ya i see you nigguhs mean muggin on poarches, unload that clip and watch em scatter like roaches"
    ima foo wit it! girl gimme dat pussy i kno wut to do wit it!

    I AINT NO BITCH!

  4. #4
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    thanks ... always nice to hear feedback.

  5. #5
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    no doubt this was actually real nice work
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  6. #6
    Boy Nova
    Guest
    This was a hot piece, i like the flow and the structure of the song. It was a good read, ill be looking for your stuff in the future fo'sho.

    Holla back

    Hit my piece with ya feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...86#post1867086

  7. #7
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    up.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    yo very nice and very well done man for a short piece, had nice flow to it excellent use of vocab and your structure was tight along with your rhyme scheme. I don't see any problems with this at all and I liked it from finish to end very very nice piece man good job with that.

    yo if you got the time I would really really appreciate if you could leave me some feed on my open mic that I'll be posting very shortly called "Act One" so if you could do that then u have my gratitude man peace.
    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

    <center>Corrupted Visions</center>

    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

    Act One:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
    Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
    gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
    so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
    fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>


    Words of Wisdom:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
    it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
    if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
    then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>

  9. #9
    The » Way
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    nice drop man.... was supposed to collab sorry bout that man... but i really liked it... nice take on the topic could really feel for the guy... it flowed well structure was nice all around really good....

    props man sorry again

    peep dripped and drained...

  10. #10
    LiTeSknBaby F.A.M.'s Avatar
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    know what not to many posts i read outloud but this i had to dawg i likes i likes and i dont like to much shit,,,ONE

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  11. #11
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    thanks for feedback... up leave links and i will check out your threads...

  12. #12
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    ^^^ up..........

  13. #13
    Was hot, I read it twice, I dont normally do that.

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    src="http://httpd.chello.nl/~s.veldhuis/free.jpg" border="0" alt="" />

  14. #14
    Awaken
    Guest
    Good piece right here. The cocnept itself kills it, you played it well, besides the flow. where is it? Other than that, the structure and vocab punishes this piece. Good effort = a good piece. I think that summed up everything.

  15. #15
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    lol, ight thx for replys ...up

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