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Thread: The Mark of Man

  1. #1
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    The Mark of Man

    Saw that Ace posted his version..thought I'd post mine too.
    ==

    Spring scents rampant, pollen dances with the soft gust,
    Budding magnolias counter man's mechanical lust.
    The drizzling of industrial tears, erased with the flower's fears
    As oak tree tarnishing toxins submit to the vines n dissapear.
    Stormy nights surround Thor's lightning bolts, seedlings revolt
    Mother Earth's green thumb, smudging what the humans wrote.
    Twisting tunnels of vine conceal cars, concrete replaced by marsh,
    Reversal of the human's lust for technology, nearly as harsh.
    Saplings sprout into booming giants..touching the clouds,
    Wildlife and grassland reamerge in all the places we plowed.
    Harmony in nature..cycle of life without strife,
    Realization of rejection cuts world leaders like a knife.
    Global cooperation under fire..humanity withers in the sun,
    Rivers crash into cities as the tears begin to run.
    Irreversable armageddon, conflict of beast and beauty,
    Four Horsemen wearing olive reeves..nature's wrath truly.
    Mismatch of season norms, snow and heat beat on the ground,
    Hail smashes against everything dear to us..rhythmic pounding sound.

    Humans abused God's gift, degraded nature's will into shit,
    As the hourglass turns over so we can pay for it,
    Oceans overtake the metropolis, populace sleeps with fish,
    Mother Earth impales God's image against humanity's wish.
    Rose thorned rapier, holy matrimony of beauty and death,
    As she blows an Ice Age across the world to deal with the rest.

    Number called, unlucky draw, stuck with a heart of greed,
    Raping the nature's body for materials we didn't need.
    Lottery of the damned, death in the human mind and hand,
    Until bones dissolved into renmants of the sand.
    But we'll pay our dues..our ideals with dissipate too,
    As the rose thorns impose upon everything we hold true.

  2. #2
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    Last edited by >Inertia>; November 7th, 2004 at 01:29 PM

  3. #3
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    upping, cockjockeys.

  4. #4
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    fucking jawdropping. you managed to combine tree-hugging and hip-hop and make it work. where can i begin? the imagery was incredible, i could picture what you wrote easily. the vocab was great, some of the phrases "lottery of death", "four horsemen wearing olive reeves" were perfectly worded, incisive is the word i think i'm looking for. this really is a great topic. i dont think multis wouldve helped this.

    i'm nominating this for the top ten. keep posting.

    if you could rep one of my pieces, i'd appricaite it.

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  5. #5
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    Thank for the critique. Next time you drop a piece hit me up on AIM and i'll peep it.

  6. #6
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    good point johnny to look a life from a post hippie perspective fusing it in a still appealing manner i have to say this was pretty fucken dope.now im going to go burn a rain forest to light a blunt and make condoms out of every extinct animal i can find.
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  7. #7
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    I read this before, I don't know where but I did.

    I can't remember where I say it, or who wrote it - whether it was you or not. I am not saying you are biting, just saying I saw and read this before.

    Anyways, good imagery, good sensoryship, portrayed the setting and atmosphere nicely with how you worded things:
    "The drizzling of industrial tears, erased with the flower's fears
    As oak tree tarnishing toxins submit to the vines n dissapear.
    Stormy nights surround Thor's lightning bolts, seedlings revolt
    Mother Earth's green thumb, smudging what the humans wrote.
    Twisting tunnels of vine conceal cars, concrete replaced by marsh"

    Pretty dope. Flow wasn't all that, lines were too long in some places and in others seemed off by a syllables or two. Nothing significant really. Some of the words you rhymed together were weak, while the rest of the words in the same line were esquisite:
    "Humans abused God's gift, degraded nature's will into shit,
    As the hourglass turns over so we can pay for it,
    Oceans overtake the metropolis, populace sleeps with fish,
    Mother Earth impales God's image against humanity's wish."

    It fit, used in context, just was simpler than most of the other words used. Anyways, this was pretty good. Keep it up. Peace.
    can I kick it?

  8. #8
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    ^I dropped it in the Sacred Scriptures forum, in a battle against Ace?

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