Sinister Thoughts

[Andrew..]

Sinister Thoughts



The Thought
Sitting there watching CBS News on my black and white TV
Thoughts running through my head as white mice run by me
Reporters having interviews with people in such high power
Sky gloomy, weatherman expecting spring thundershowers
The old lady across the street carrying seeds to plant sunflowers
still, getting headaches from the evil thoughts going through my head
Wishing the two people I hated for ever were dead in their grave bed

The Reality
Planning out my day, no work…No job anyway
Weather man was wrong the sun is bright today
My mother called me this mourning when I was sleep
Telling me I owe her money and mortgage isn’t cheap
She been pissing me off all my life I wish she would die
Everything I do she needs to ask and ask where and why
She is the reason my dad walked out on us when I was a kid
But I still do not understand what the hell she had did…
But I hate my father 2..Never see him not even on my Birthday
Wasn’t there to watch me play football in my high school Days
I could just end their lives today and have my life take that pathway


Murder and Suicide
Got into my old jeep and stepped on the gas
Avoiding all the police around a 4 car crash
Got off at exit 18 and made a right to lean street
That’s where me and my mother would meet
I saw her at the front and step up to her..
I saw her rich into her pocket that’s the last thing I remembered

[Andrew..]

Uppin. Will edit this post with links in like 10 mins. Leave links if u have any.

Virgin Compostion - Wicked and Tactixx

The Cycle


-Wise

[Bloom.Quist]

Decent piece. I thought the ending could have been more powerful maybe, and maybe a lil more detail on the story you were portraying. Decent imagery throughout the piece, and emotion was good. All around a decent piece.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...00#post1641000

[Tim]

ha nice concept and overal nice i agree with what Bloom the ending could have been more powerful i felt it didnt hit as hard as it could of the flow was onpoint and i had an easy time ready it good work

[Andrew..]

Thanks. And uppin.

[Tactixx]

Well I thought this was a good piece.....I do agree the ending coulda been better, not the concept of the ending...just the wording....I like pieces that leave you hanging at the end....I thought the subtitles seperating the verses was a nice touch, cleaned it up a bit...font hurt my eyes...heh...a little small....but other than that, I thought it was a well constructed verse....and put together nicely.....Keep it up....Peace...

[Chris Black]

More detail would have been great. The ryhmescheme was a little week, and the ending was a bit anti clamactic. The flow was decent. The overall concept was also decent. I think a little more detail would have solved the problems. It was an average joint. I've seen you do better, but aight. Keep writing, homie.

-W1

[Andrew..]

Thanks. And I hit up that link bloom. Upping.

[lyricalmami]

Yo Wussup? That was a nice peice keep doin what u do. i liked the endin to it.


Holla

[Andrew..]

Thanks for the short reply. Lol. Uppin

[Andrew..]

Dont sleep!

[J~BLaYze]

Umm...Wow..this was deep indeedy..Nice lil concept i suppose..Left me hangin on exactly what you was sayin in some places..but overall it was a deep post..much luv 1

[Andrew..]

Thanks. Uppin.

[Foreshadow]

This was nice you had a good rhyme scheme but I thought your transition could have been smoother. You had some nice details which drew a picture in my mind that was pretty clear. But damn now I get it thats some fucked up mess that the mother did now she isnt going to get any money what a dumb women. But overall it was a good piece.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143025

[Andrew..]

ty. Upping.