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Thread: Purgatory Party of Two please read

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    Purgatory Party of Two please read

    I woke early as the buds of fear opened their window
    to my own noiseless thoughts growing to a crescendo
    I pulled the silken sheets away from my naked flesh
    and searched haphazardly for some key items of dress
    after finding my quarry, I moved swiftly toward the door
    wrenched the handle to me, and went on with idea to explore
    an I walked down the lonely hallway, afraid of what I'd find
    while at the same time, fighting memories of a heinous kind
    I found my way to a staircase, and walked slowly to its base
    and scanned the dark lobby and my eyes found and embraced
    another lost soul, or maybe he was the keeper of this purgatory
    I asked calmly where I was, and he proceeded to forge a story
    of how I came to be here, and his words I certainly did heed
    he spoke of my path being mis-steered, I was guided by greed
    He told me of my youth, how I was cheerful and full of mirth
    even though I was abused two years after my unwelcome birth
    But the days of my adolescence is not where he would likely stop
    He spoke of my adult life, and about how chaos was all I brought
    He told me of the blood I shed, just to ease and comfort my soul
    and all of these actions of course led, to me now paying this toll
    He told me of a time in my mid-teens where I was displayed a choice
    which inside I knew would lead to either pain or let the angels rejoice
    He said if I had taken a few moments to think, I would have learned
    that my decision was tragedy, and I would have taken the right turn...

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  3. #3
    Mister. Andrew..'s Avatar
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    Dope Peice as always Split. Some Good vocabulary. Had to look up a couple of words. Flow was dope. This was a very Imagery peice. You have some good imagery in most peices but it was better in this peice then others. Nice Job. *Clicks over to nomination*
    Back.

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    uppin

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    The Alternative MC fo'trill's Avatar
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    like wise said very good on the imagery. this piece was deep i was feeling it. my favorite line was "that my decision was tragedy, and I would have taken the right turn..." i don't know why it just stuck out. i hope there is a pt.2 to this like a piece on how you got here. also i would of liked to know where you were, heaven, hell, hospital, fantasy island,etc.? (but i understand if something is 2 long cats won't peep) nice drop man.

  6. #6
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    interesting read - your lines slowly balloned - don't know if this was intentional or not - the flow didn't suffer - just an observation - story was well told with minimal phrasing oddities - imagery was good - scheme seemed a tad simple to me - the beginning to this really drew me in - would've liked to see a bit stronger ending - anyway nice drop - peace

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    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    This was pretty cool. Sounds like some really old poetry at the begining, and progressively get simpler. The flow was good, early imagery was decent. This was, overall, a decent piece. Keep up the good work, fam.
    Hence Forward
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    thank you much brotha's, dunno If I am going to do a pt. 2 or not.. was thinking about it...

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    uppin for the last time

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