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Thread: cobblestone

  1. #1
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    Lightbulb cobblestone

    washington d.c. , spring 2004

    as dogwoods shed,
    but still sway without their leaves we musn`t. .
    frown on the bumps & downs of the nostalgic reproductions
    the ultimate metaphor:
    for tourists, the mirages condone
    the high heels & souvenirs that avoid collages of stone
    vendors stand & shout,
    try to sell staffs the baddest news
    as misshapen bricks mark the once well-traveled avenues
    from the south it came;
    where the summers are swelting hot
    both the streets & the people come from wonderful melting pots
    grey & protruding;
    a city that breeds & brews vacations. .
    to gasp at unearthed rock on paths that lead to Union Station
    they were glorious;
    we`ve evolved amidst the ends we meet. .
    heritage is dumped within a second for business-friendly streets
    this is rambling, they say;
    in words & through song the struggle sees. .
    through my clouded glasses that search for nuances` subtleties
    to the monuments, they flock;
    there, it happened in flags & grew
    `presentable` rules: head in hands on a curb of Madison Avenue

    ultimate irony.
    Last edited by John Kerry; April 11th, 2004 at 12:24 PM

  2. #2
    this was ok, i think u need to structure your verse layout a lil better and work on ure word-play a lil but other then that it was an ok read.....

  3. #3
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    You need to leave a link to a open mic that you replied to or this gets closed, Thanks.

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    Gay.

  6. #6
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    read by someone who has never been to washington nor experienced the southern `swelting hot` `summers`, i felt a familiarity of the sights and sounds illustrated in this piece. that`s why i like your writting, i guess. no matter what your topic is, whilst reading the finished conclusion, the reader manages to picture and relate to the issue at hand.

    on to the work, this piece is berry nicely written. i can see you adopt the opposed view of commercialism and tourism - a stance of a proletariat. i couldn`t agree more with `the high heels & souvenirs that avoid collages of stone` - being a metaphor for the disillusion that roams the city avoiding the more concrete beautiful ideals and, furthermore, images. topped by the notion of the fact that `heritage is dumped within a second for business-friendly streets` - reinforcing the negative light you portray the bourgeoisie in. after every line i felt the desire to read the next, and the next. well done koala-g. a true masterpiece
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  7. #7
    and the tai kwon monks ! Methane's Avatar
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    raiders of the lost art ©
    W o r d P e r f e c t



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    the pound is stronger than the dollar, HOLLA !

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