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Thread: Non Titled.

  1. #1
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    Non Titled.

    " a mother and child's relationship is tender "



    i get lost in his glance - in some sort of inpositive trance
    that causes relapse enough to make my cognitive collapse
    my eyelids retract as i stare with an utter hope of love
    but there's only hate - stuttered up from high and above
    his name is 'son', - and yes he's mine, and yes i love him
    with all my blood that gushes, from the wound of nothin'
    consumed with rubbish, he's my angel - slash hellish imp
    my only source of benevolence, yet to him i'm irrelevent
    and it's irrelevence that's makes me yearn for meaning
    unreturned 'love you's' have left me burnt in reasoning
    as i call him to assist my cleaning, i recieve some silence
    mixed with rebellious cries, that make my love un-pious
    i race to his room - to meet his face of total disconcern
    amongst the illegible curses - where his vocals may lurk
    it's sick, my child is hellish, rebellious - i can't take it
    so i grab him, strip him, tear his clothes, - he's naked
    i retrieve my razor - i loved him - now i regret his birth
    i slash my own wrists just for bringing this hell to earth
    while he kicks and screams, i slash him - he's faceless
    and as his tone raises - i thoughtfully wrap his face in
    blankets - then his body til' he's a complete wrap up
    then i proceed - out of his room and into the bathtub
    this sacrificial baptism is my honorable offer to god
    while pushing his face under i see his hair falter above
    this awful dog of son! that came from a fools semen
    i drown this fetal atrocity until his minute pulse ceases
    . . for you . . finally i have rid my life of it's true scorn
    and threw it out in a trash bag, since he was a newborn.
    Last edited by Sand; March 14th, 2004 at 06:17 AM
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  2. #2
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    .. woah, i feel really weird and scared after writing that

    thoughts are all appreciated .. thanks.
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  3. #3
    Slutbag ToNe-E's Avatar
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    I havent posted here forever .. and sumhow i came back ..
    for what you may ask? to catch up and read a Sand open mic ..
    Indeed .. this shits iLL bitch .. Topic is unique, its hard to
    Write dope shit to certain topics but you did this nice ..
    Nasty Imagaries, what can i say? did i enjoy? Yes i did ..
    Story was on topic and continued thru out on point .. Heres
    some Lines i liked from this certain piece ..


    while he kicks and screams, i slash him - he's faceless
    and as his tone raises - i thoughtfully wrap his face in
    blankets - then his body til' he's a complete wrap up
    then i proceed - out of his room and into the bathtub
    this sacrificial baptism is my honorable offer to god
    while pushing his face under i see his hair falter above

    Very nice .. especially the 2nd line from the bottom ..
    sick sick sick sick and sick by the way this shits sick ..
    I wanna thank sandy for bringing tone back for a reply
    it was well worth my time .. dont sleep on this open mic ..
    Or i will sleep with your mom .. no really, im serious

    Pz niggerz

  4. #4
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    thanks tone, sorry i had to leave all abrubt like
    i appreciate the reply .. peace
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  5. #5
    Banned JONESY_UK's Avatar
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    that was a tight verse man, i really enjoyed readin that, your vocab was good and it flowed well throughout the verse. ya got a good point across.
    cant think of anything reall that bad..
    props man

    could ya say whatcha thin k of my open mics. links below

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119614 - alone


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119620 - true love

  6. #6
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Awards OFOTK Champion Haiku Champion Legendary PC Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF 75+ Wins
    Shit was deop for real man...the floe was perfect and the multis were nice....Damn...kinda feel depressed after this....But the emotion coming out of it was excellant...the imagry was good...although I kinda wish it wasn'y..lol...not sumthin I wanna imagine much...But a very good piece overall.

    8.5/10
    Please peep this http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118852
    A few achievements here and there

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  7. #7
    Em-UhTh-Double Guh-Ah MuhThugga's Avatar
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    This was a dope account of maybe an impatient mother, a pyschopath in her own right.

    The flow was present and the rhyme structure was there, and as the story progressed you seemed to become less abstract and more straight-foward for the "action-scene"

    Kind of leaves you to wonder if you feel sorry for the kid because he was murdered, or if you are relieved because she wasn't fit to be a mother.

  8. #8
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    i get slept on all sick n shit.
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  9. #9
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    repeat statement above .. =/
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  10. #10
    -.'real.- Sureal's Avatar
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    That Verse Was Off The Proverbial Hook.. The Images Rushed Through
    Out My Mind, Almost Scary Images, I Could See The Lady And The Babys
    Pain In My Mind. This Is A True Masterpiece. The Flow Was Unscathed And
    The Imagery And Content Just Blew Me Away. Usually Death Peices Suck.
    But This One For Sure, Is One Of The , If Not The Best Piece Of This Kind
    That I Have Ever Read. I Would Just Like To Say Great Job Alex

    -'Real
    .WP.
    .. It' Still Perfect..

  11. #11
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    why do you people sleep on me so damn much geeZus ..
    am i that bad?
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  12. #12
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    ^^^Cause we don't know if your still in Insomniacs!..
    Ok..all I have to say is..
    The fuck goes through your mind..
    This was one of the sicker o.m's I've read in a while..
    It reminds me of "Brendas Got a Baby"or whatever it was..
    But the imagry was beautiful..
    Wording is what gave it that special edge..
    Definately on the level of "Pain of Plane", however you spelled it..
    Just a beautiful piece..legends worthy..
    Last edited by Lord Sarcasm; March 15th, 2004 at 07:45 PM
    WordPerfect

  13. #13
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    word
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  14. #14
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Sand...You have great "Touch" in writing..I will not say anymore...

    Sorry to hear about your Legend Status

  15. #15
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    bwhahah, i don't care
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