freeverse topical (keystyle)

[Moniker]

tears blister my skin, the exodus of this infectious plague colapsin my spirit from within.
well i fear it and it bends my lyrics to no end, and i hear it again everytime i close my eyes to sleep at night.
like im told to fight and raise a fist high for my passion, but everytime i take a turn in life i tend to start crashin.
so i fasten my ruby heels in a position to feel the click, and when this canvas lands us in kansas i cant paint a picture cept for this.
ten men and ten sediments tending to defend the innocents of lieing, lions lying while im trying to find a lame brain for the scarcrow,
whos afraid to admit hes got that dimwit tinman scared stiff.
it seems something inside him seeks to search for humanity, a calamity, cause i cant stand to be standing without tapping my feet back to reality.
a fallacy, only one foot away but it takes two feet to balance me.
see, im tired of being manufactured, watching every facet of my life get fractured.
so ima tell that tinman king of hearts hes one of a kind
and that, scarcrow hes free to speak his mind
and that, lion not to hide behind that rock.
stop and tell dorthy tonight i think ill make it to the end, of this yellowbrick road, a twisted rendition of my pain angst and struggle
and that, tomorrow i think ill follow the rabbit down his tunnel, and start to tumble.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...86#post1239886
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...94#post1239894

[Bloom.Quist]

Ill shit. Man u had imagery, vocab, all around everything. I liked this alot. Ure rhyming was nice. EVerything was allaround good. Dam dawg inspiring. I think imma spit an open mic soon, cuz my poetry gettin slept. Aight well nice shit dawg. Ill.

~holla if ya hear me

[Freeman]

You had stretched bars..
Rhyme scheme was fucked up to be honest..
Erm.. You did have good imagery.. But it didnt follow any pattern at all..
Need to sort that out..

Ok drop..

Pz..

[$carface]

flow was choppy. good imagery. overall i liek it 6/10

[B-Lo Fifty]

This was a real Open Mic. I liked the rhyming you had going on. This was very thoughtful and had me thinking. This is one of the best I`ve read. Good job.

[Moniker]

freeman - this was freeverse... meening a verse without a consistent metrical pattern. so yea, i wasnt going for structure or perfectly even bars. if you read it straight through though it does flow. you maybe just got thrown off because you were tryin to match up bars or something.

thanks for the replies

[Chris Black]

I liked this. The flow was ok, but i can understand why freeman complained about structure. It would have been easyier to read. None the less, this was a nice drop. I liked the metaphores on wiz of oz. This was a pretty decent drop. Keep up the good work.

Please drop feedback here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post1240875

[Moniker]

upp

[Moniker]

uppin... last time