Thoughts

[f-gee]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118037
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118228



i dont know where to start this
oh wait i just did and
rolled out the red carpet
to an escarpment
and into the throat of parched darkness
of a carcass
flooded with that empty feeling
and im gently seething
but ive got a friendly feeling
that that sign inscribed
'Yello Brick Road'
will show me where to go
just too bad i know, that im colour blind
and ive not seen duller times
my mind needs dusted
and all the will ive mustered
is still flaked and rusted
ive become a living statue
housed in a seat
tryin to snare new lyrics
dowsed by a beat
you see
lost in the spin of a disc
life seems to be playing to a riff
but just as i get into the rythm it becomes a fuckin skit
typical filler
thats somehow a mirror
of my reflective state
nestled between that space
of my own ways and fates'
im not so much angry
at the cards life hands me
i just hate the bloody dealer

a spade for you to play with in the sandpit of youths phase
and then ultimately to dig your own grave
a heart to try and fill with false pretence
that starts and ends with a womans elusive scent
a club
to enter where, youre the only one there
let alone drunk
a diamond, that bristles with wealth
but when the jeweller checks it
and find em'
to be fake and of no help
and a joker that jests and jibes
at this no hoper
with a scope for
dark comedy and lies

and its in these times
when i look forward then back
that i hope to god
someone shuffles the pack..

[Baron Mynd]

Lol ..
.. at how you opened this piece up, flow was pretty good actually .. stayed consistant throughout .. content actually got better as it went on, that second verse was easily the standout from this IMO .. "Ultimatly, digging your own grave" line was sick. It was a little rocky to start with, seemed a little rushed, but after that it was a pretty decent piece. From the second verse onwards i got into it a lot.

Well done Fgizzle :^)

[Chris Black]

This was a nice drop. Good flow. It was a really easy read. The rhyme scheme was cool. I really liked the metaphore of the cards. Overall this was a nice drop. Worth the read.

Please drop feedback here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=117801&page=1

[Key Tone]

I think this has a poetic flow wit it...i liked it....and its my 1st post so be honored. am waistin on yo open mic structure could be done differently but imaginary piece with creative thoughts....

dope

[$carface]

nice imagery.....


nestled between that space
of my own ways and fates'
im not so much angry
at the cards life hands me
i just hate the bloody dealer

...dose lines stood out the most for me...
decent vocab... didnt like the structure dat much should make lines longer and more even...

otherwise dis was a good drop

[Freeman]

lost in the spin of a disc

Honestly.. Loved that line.. Dope in my opinion..

Erm..

Good flow..
Nice, relevant vocabulary..
Structure worked.. Made a good flow, so it worked..

Erm..

Maybe more multi's..

Thats all critique a can think of at the moment.. Im tired..

Good drop my man..

Pz..