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Thread: Injustice..

  1. March 2nd, 2004, 06:03 PM #1
    Freeman
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    Injustice..

    Read THIS First

    Dirty fucking bastard.. Just a shell of a human who's heart is dark
    "50 years" would leave me in outrage.. If the judge made that remark
    Im sorry.. But that is just not acceptable.. Its jus plain wrong
    That man earnt his place and it isnt here.. On Earth he doesnt belong
    Should be currently incinerating in hell.. Not locked up in a cell
    So my advice is sit him down.. Flick the switch.. And say jus farewell
    When I first read it.. It left me shocked.. Tellin you I even gasped
    Ever met him in real life.. Around his throat.. My hands would be clasped
    Doesnt deserve our oxygen.. Should be killed before there is another attack
    Didnt think that when the girl reaches 20.. She will probably have flashbacks
    Make her life a living hell.. Just like the one you should currently be residing
    It shouldnt even be in court.. Its obvious.. There should be no deciding
    She was defenceless.. At 2 months.. Nothing she could of done to prevent it
    Hatred for him so much.. Id take every one of his air holes.. And cement it
    Trying to hold back the anger.. Prevent it from flooding through
    I know if it was me.. Id kill him.. Couldnt hold my temper...
    ... What about you?


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    Last edited by Freeman; March 2nd, 2004 at 06:07 PM

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  2. March 2nd, 2004, 06:29 PM #2
    Thrust
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    well i've seen better from you... but i really do feel you... i just don't think this is a topic that you can really go out on and impress someone all that much... but yes it was good please don't get me wrong.. you showed your anger and expressed it well.. i just think you coulda... i don't know...i just think this was something hard to hit
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  3. March 2nd, 2004, 06:40 PM #3
    Freeman
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    Not trying to impress..
    It jus pissed me off..
    So.. Like a always do about my emotions..
    They get written down..
    This is it.. Jus plain writing..
    There is some good content in there..
    Look.. ..

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  4. March 2nd, 2004, 06:56 PM #4
    Reeco
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    Dirty fucking bastard.. Just a shell of a human who's heart is dark
    "50 years" would leave me in outrage.. If the judge made that remark
    nice show of emotion the that piece of filth
    Im sorry.. But that is just not acceptable.. Its jus plain wrong
    That man earnt his place and it isnt here.. On Earth he doesnt belong
    also nice, shows what you would do with him
    Should be currently incinerating in hell.. Not locked up in a cell
    So my advice is sit him down.. Flick the switch.. And say jus farewell
    nice bar
    When I first read it.. It left me shocked.. Tellin you I even gasped
    Ever met him in real life.. Around his throat.. My hands would be clasped
    still showin strong emotion. good
    Doesnt deserve our oxygen.. Should be killed before there is another attack
    Didnt think that when the girl reaches 20.. She will probably have flashbacks
    ok, but weakest bar so far. still dope tho
    Make her life a living hell.. Just like the one you should currently be residing
    It shouldnt even be in court.. Its obvious.. There should be no deciding
    nice
    She was defenceless.. At 2 months.. Nothing she could of done to prevent it
    Hatred for him so much.. Id take every one of his air holes.. And cement it
    best bar of the piece. dope as fuck
    Trying to hold back the anger.. Prevent it from flooding through
    I know if it was me.. Id kill him.. Couldnt hold my temper...
    ... What about you?
    nice end, give other people the need to think about if they would or not

    very nicely constructed emotional piece. ya put all ya fellins in this i can tell. flow was on target and also structure. vocab was good. this could be the best piece i've seen from you yet. brilliant!! 9.5/10

    yo man leave yo opinion on poetic torment. the link is in my sig. thanks. pz
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    -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-


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  5. March 3rd, 2004, 01:04 AM #5
    Chris Black
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    Nice. Basic, but in a good way. I really liked the emotion, and i feel you 100%. This was worth the read. Keep up the good work.
    Hence Forward
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  6. March 3rd, 2004, 12:52 PM #6
    Aines
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    ight nice drop here free.......not the best i seen from ya as the challenge om u wrote was dope......n e ways on this u had a nice flow good consistant structure......like others u have sed u showed ur emotion well......liked ur closer but best line 4 me was

    She was defenceless.. At 2 months.. Nothing she could of done to prevent it
    Hatred for him so much.. Id take every one of his air holes.. And cement it


    ^^^Luved that 1 all the way

    overall i wud say its not ya best as the challenge was dope but it was still gud.....u expressed ur emotion well wit sum dope lines like the 1 ^^^ there.


    cud u also hit ma gauntlet battle plz free as i took time 2 read thru this peace

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117396


    thnx man

    pz
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  7. March 3rd, 2004, 01:04 PM #7
    Penskills
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    HI free ... I didn't have the time to read this last night..anywho...I defintely understand your feelings towards this matter and I feel the same way...
    I think you did a find job expressing your feelings...I don't think this is a piece to be judged on flow and vocab etc. This is more of a topice we should all think about..
    Very nice work my man! bye~
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  8. March 3rd, 2004, 04:38 PM #8
    Endeva.
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    i agree with pen... your scheme was quite simple, but you carried it with the meaning behind it.... any more and it would have been overworked, i think... you captured some real shit... oh and that gun's writing wtf, bad shit..... i liked the concept of it too, linking it to other works... but yeah good work here, not so much great building, but the meaning... so yeah nice
    Last edited by Endeva.; March 3rd, 2004 at 04:43 PM
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
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  9. March 3rd, 2004, 06:27 PM #9
    Freeman
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    Thank you both..

    Appreciated..

    ^..

    Pz..

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  10. March 3rd, 2004, 06:31 PM #10
    Ron B. Vicious
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    After reading it you wrote it BOOM that shows true emotions and feelings which is rare, this was just an outrage piece so to hell with flow and what not, even though yours was on point, your content was amazing, I feel your anger i actually damn near got n a fight with somebody cuz they laughed and made some gay ass 'she was a fine ass baby i bet' after telling him this happened so i feel your anger trust me i do.Good drop.
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  11. March 3rd, 2004, 06:32 PM #11
    Godfather(2)
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    Nice spit yo i really like it its was ------------------ to me good drop
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  12. March 4th, 2004, 10:42 AM #12
    Freeman
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    Thank you both..

    Upping for Mr. Credz..

    Pz..

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  13. March 4th, 2004, 10:46 AM #13
    Mistral
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    ^ lol

    This was a really nice piece man....I read through it the other day but didnt leave feedback cause I didnt have time so I thought I would give you some now since I see it upped lol...Nice display of emotion in this, Anger was just flowing in it....the flow was good, it flowed pretty nicely together....the emotion just really stood out in this...Overall a nice piece....I enjoyed it man.
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