Untitled

[Lingwistik]

ill put up thos links afat this, iight, this isnt finished yet, i dont have a chorus, honestly imnot that good at choruses. but i think its good so far but i wanted to hear what people say, im thinkin about puttin this into audio

I go to bed every night prayin the next day full of delight…
Yah im still goin to school n lookin forward to a fight…
Im white…n people telling me u shoodnt rap ur not black…
take that back and as a matter a fact u look like crap…
rap is about expression of self…don’t matter the race…
ur gender…ur style…even if ur a disgrace…
do wut u like…don’t let others tell u wuts wrong n right…
u wanna sleep durin the day…Then take ur steps at night…
u wanna be different…make sure ur style’s tite…
remember…most of the mistakes u make are slight…
lifes like a movie…recite ur lines correctly…
goin for an interview…meet ur eyes directly…
people don’t respect me…or listen wut I say…
but ud be surprised wut I can accomplish in a day…
always get ur pay…u shood earn wut u deserve…
always learn from others n always observe…

?chorus?

always try ur hardest…don’t underestimate ur mind…
look deep inside…ull be surprised wut u can find…
time goes by…aint nothing neone can do…
durin life make sacrifices…in the end u wont loose…
u can choose wut u think…u can choose to believe…
nething ud like…try hard n ull achieve ur dreams…
but don’t be deceived by bitches that turn against u…
one day they be condensed…the next they hell sent for u…
life’s a cycle…wuteva comes around goes…
u aint loyal to ur friends…they might turn into foes…
who knows…maybe this generation will change…
n everythin will be fine…and nothing will b the same…
the storm came…now we in the middle of the eye…
one moment is fine…the next we all die…
mayb everythin will coincide…or it will change…
bullshit…it will always be the same damn game…


u know wut im talkin about, things will always be the same.u know what, thats hoow we live,. u want sumthin u go out n do it. every body ssayin this generation is the future, well how we gunna mke a good future if the generation before usaves us nothin good. every body gotta do they part. its all jus a scheme. we pay taxes we get more services, we dont pay taxes, we get screwed over. but the rich dont wanna pay taxes, n they expect us to pay for their services n usually the rich dont work for their money, n they want us givin them more services, well its gunna be wut its gunna be, screwed up.

^^^^
i decided to add this as like a preaching thing imma add into the audio afta the second verse

[Lingwistik]

hres one

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...63#post1224963

heres another

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117137

now imma start uppin

[SMZ]

Ok piece - Flow was pretty good, Vocab could use some advancement - although you had a pretty good scheme your rhymes seemed kinda simplistic. Put your thoughts to the paper pretty well. Don't worry too much about the chorus either - you don't have to have one. Keep writing and getting better - hit my Lamentations if you can.

[Lingwistik]

iight man, i got to go to bed im exhausted thanx for the feedback tho n ill hit urs up tomorrow peace

[Lingwistik]

wut the fuck uppin^^^^^^^uppin^^^^^^^^

[Lingwistik]

wut the fuck, this is the biggst sleepin site ever, its bullshit, uppin

[-KareLess-]

^^I know. this sites Bullshit with Sleeper's.


I thought your Flow was Ok. Could have Been Better Worded.
Your Ryme Schem was Aight. It changed Alot though.
Your Meaning was Ok too. I liked how you Spoke About
basically just Beeing who you is. And that Rap is for those
you Appreciate it. And not from anything else that's Irrelevent.
A chorus would work Nicely on this. Your Missing it though.
Choruses are Easy dawg. Just Write Like 5 Lines, Those 5 lines
should cover the Whole Subject or the Main Points your Trying
to Accomplish in this. If you Have a Title, which i Forget...
Revolve your Chorus around that. It might Help.

Over-all. Not bad. Keep it Up. And Dont Sleep On my Shit.
I'll return the Honest FeedBack. Sound Coo?


Hey I'm the Leader of GROUND HUSTLE...Once you Elevate a little Bit..
come Try Out in the Crew/hookUp Forum. Or if you think your Good
enough Now, come Try Out. Aight.
Payce..

[Lingwistik]

iight ill tryout afta my next song, thanx for tha feedback bigtime man, ill take a look at ur open mics too iight, peace

uppin

[Provoke]

Some potential here.
Try to get more complex, using meta's, inners & work on ur writers voice.
Vocabulairy was ok.. could use some more definition.
Liked the concept.. like i said earlier.
Just try to go deeper, expand not only the piece, but ur mind aswell.
As in thoughts on this subject.
Keep writing

[Lingwistik]

thanx a lot ace, peace

[ak-mixa]

tight verse keep dropping ya flows and keepin it real...........jus make ya chorus shorter to attract more attention and easier to ead.......but overall al dat shit is real good.

[Lingwistik]

thanx for the lluv f'real, i got another open mic cummin soon, one more verse n its dunn. jus lettin u know in advance, a few lines are purposely wack, only a few, because its a humorous peace but its all tru, n i need a few of those wack lines to keep the humore goin iight, but thanx for tha luv on this piece

[lunatic]

the flow was tight but next time write a title for ur rhyme the title is the thing that interests people to read it alright other than that tight

[Lingwistik]

yah thanx man, i coodnt think of a title for it at the time

[Godfather(2)]

This Drop nice i liked it but it could of been better with a lil bit more word play and metas would of hook it up a lil bit more but i would give this a

8.5/10.0