Open Your Eyes

[rule]

This is a song i'm writting for my best friend Kristy, she thinks nobody cares about her and I want to try and help her be more confident about herself
So any changes you think I should make to make this as best as possible please tell me
Thanks

Becareful for whom your quick to judge who cares truthfully
Mikeys able to rescue your wriste no need to treat it brutally
Scars tattood in shapes of broken hearts from your pain inside
Stars are as beuatiful as envy open your eyes don't act blind
You have to comfort yourself before you let anybody else listen
True, for example I put my faith in god because i'm a christian
Vital situations occur horrificaly to ensure your pain from evil
Bible is there to help guide you beyond the hate of certian people
They speak in envy probably because jelousy of the life you leed
Portray in your direction your chin up above shoulders an proceed
Advice you've given me to over come obsticles you need to use
At night the eternal sleep you desire you need to easily refuse
Confused I noticed but i'm here to help with words of encouragement
Abused heart & soul but you wont dry to stay still like wet cement
Grip my hand can you feel the love I suggest you take a deep breath
Shift emotions ideas of life to why you should keep goin towards whats left
Paint a picture with me your the brush on the blank paper I see
A saint an angle with wings flying free over the clouds of the sea
Perhaps you don't feel that gifted but close your eyes to wishes
Don't collaps from others bricks of words your just to gifted
School problems are every where reputation is meaninless
Rule is here to walk the halls with you leave you from lonliness
Death to your tears for there time is up they should be extinct
Respect yourself for you not for what others necasarily think
I love you forever this life and next for the angel you are
Above in the heavens I'll pray to help make you realise your a star
Deny the image of the ropes around you tied in a knote from peers
I'll cry for you embrace your pain on my cheek just stop your tears
Clutter the hate in a pile leave it in a casket for it should demies
I love you an so do others we wonna help but you have to open your eyes

[Penskills]

well..you must care..you wrote her a long ass,dope ass poem..this flowed very well..I personally liked the line "Abused heart & Soul..."that was dope...this whole piece was nice..just keep it like this..peace...~click my sig~~~....I.....

[JamesJr.]

I thought it was pretty DOPE

First off, easy on the eyes (NICE structure)

Good flow

Decent worplay (could be better) ALWAYS

Lot of multies


Had feeling behind!!

FAV line:

They speak in envy probably because jelousy of the life you leed
Portray in your direction your chin up above shoulders an proceed

work on vocab. &wordplay
Constantly elevate


Overall DOPE shit from the heart

I' felt it!!

JamesJr.

[Freeman]

long ass,dope ass poem..

Lmao... You make me laugh Pen ...

Haha...

Anyway... Back to rule...

Dope verse man... A know how much you like this girl...

A wouldnt change a thing about it... The flow was on consistently... Vocabulary was there... Creative concepts... Good ideas forming through-out...

Im sure she will shed a tear...

Keep it like this...

Hit up the OM's in my sig my man... Thanks...

Pz...

[rule]

Thanks for th replies uppen

[rule]

...don't sleep...

Peace

[Mistral]

This was very nice i thought.....very deep and meaningful....Im sure she will like this, it is very nice, should make her smile knowing you care ....structure was very good as was your flow, seemed to flow pretty well, very smoothly through out the piece....overall a nice piece.

[rule]

thanks a lot...uppen for some more comments

[Ace of Aces]

dope verse no doubt. i culd feel this one. the emotions were expressed well with
the words. very nice read. i enjoyed the whole thing. nice length. the flow
was easily felt and found. the words were excellently chosen. and the meaning
was above all the best. very nice man.
keep at it.

hit this up plz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112457

peace

[rule]

thanks...i'll hit it up later...

[rule]

...uppen...

[rule]

..........

[lunatic]

That's nice I hope she feels better damn u can't spell jk anywayz tell here not to give up alright

[rule]

yeah my spellings sloppy...but thnaks for the views

[Reeco]

yea nice piece rule, deep as a 50 year old ho man, flowd nice all the way through and structure was superb. i also liked the bit about the abused heart and soul. keeo up the good om. 9/10

can ya please return the favour and vote on the battle under my sig!!!thanks.