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Thread: Behind the painted smile

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Behind the painted smile

    Behind the painted smile- love loss

    Swimming in broken mirrors, splashing in the shards…
    Searching for a slice of yesterday; a painted smile to,
    Cloth the naked truth; Precious to the minds eye,
    Yet blinded by the reality of the past in silent shadows.
    The embers of time must be released from heart,
    Yet memories are all her life holds for sanity’s existence.
    A child’s cry wraps around her soul like carnivorous ivy,
    Breathing is no longer a necessity, for redemption has no
    Home in which to breed. Force fed oxygen, through lungs
    Of blackened ashes; scars deliver a permanent reminder
    Of a path no longer visible, & where under the rainbow
    Lays the pot of hope? In which without life seems so bland.

    Seeds of sorrow seduce the sedative serenity of silence,
    To birth a new death, & whisper blundering wisdom
    Of numb notion into the ears of passing turmoil & shame

    Rivers run black, for ashes bring tears to the skies eyes,
    Yet rush ever closer to their puddle like graves on a the
    Marble floor she lays; although her veins run below
    Room temperature, to embrace the shivers would surely
    Be too painful to bare, yet below her lays a colder entity
    In which her previous life was obsessed with.


    Masked by the alexia of life, yet suffocated by her own decisions,
    The storm of stress tore her vision through Lucifer’s juice
    For a brief moment of clarity & relaxation, however, relaxation
    Was to be the very cause of the burnt out dreams she held so tight.
    Disembowelled by one swift blow of the samurai sword,
    Trembles began a relationship with fragile shimmers of love.
    She burry’s the truth deep within her tears, never to be decoded
    By anything that possesses a pulse; what people don’t know,
    They cannot judge. Yet the summer breeze the whisked her
    Away into paradise also hides the deep dark secret in her stony
    Resting ground; never able to unravel the venom that lies within.

    A hatred for the flesh manifests into love for the pungent scent
    Of melting finger tips, in which will never touch the golden
    Hair of that she treasured so dearly again; with a smile of
    Denial she skips the future and washes herself upon the shores
    Of the past; to a time when her love was still firmly cradled
    In her grasp, a deed always to remember, but NEVER to retract
    A stare of lifeless eyes, confirms a child’s laughter is no more.



    Awaking from a slumber, to find plastic mutilated by
    Burning teardrops, from which her child had sang
    Deep into the night; Dancing in desperation as the
    Flames singed her hypnotic eyelids, scent of boiling blood
    Infuriated her as she made attempts to replenish her
    Daughter’s heart beat to suit the rhythm of Tortured screams
    Of a lone violin, mannequins fall limp to their deaths,
    And taste the wine of a virgin’s blood curdling cries.
    Forced into recognition, the flames seeds grew larger to the
    Naked eye, pealing flesh as she whispered her fury

    Lungs tare into shards of memory as each cry for a
    Mother’s reflection draws the little girl closer to
    A premature sleep, a sleep in which she can never awake.

    ‘MUMMY, MUMMY, MUMMY!!’

    As mother’s feet met oak wood, nothing could save
    That soul she loved, the violins falls short of breath
    Until no longer can he play his symphony oh hope,
    And then… silence



    The fault of alcohol and cigarettes she holds blame to,
    Ifs, buts and maybes could never bring her child from grave
    To side; in a moment of lack of responsibility the elements
    Tore her heart in mid beat, & shredded her insignificant
    Existence into a lingering guilt trip of sorrow, she bled
    For her child whom shared the same blood as she
    Yet only ones blood continues to flow through veins
    Of acidic vengeance upon self, till death do us part she cried.

    People say she looks well again, yet when she glances
    At her own reflection she visions scars of loneliness,
    & The mirror smashes once again, to create an abstract
    Canvas of animosity and lust for life

    Breathe cut short, no longer can she stand the shadows;
    Glancing at the moon she speaks words to the stars
    Above, ‘don’t worry darling, I’m coming’ & as
    The candles fall to their suicidal entities, the marble floor
    Once again tastes the sweet sound of silence.

    ‘Don’t worry my darling mummy’s coming’

    Laughter falls victim to flickers

    -Poeta
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    I'd appreciate feed people, took a fair long time to write this piece.

    Thanks fuckers.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    Grrowwl, Feed Niccas.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  4. #4
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    Upping agaiiin.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  5. #5
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    sooo... cigarette starts fire, daughter dies, mom starts fire and kills herself
    Tragic...

    But really lol, dope story and beautifully executed man, this was seriously amazing for the most part. My only gripe is that sometimes, especially in the beginning, you actually overly described some things, some lines carried on and I felt you didnt need so many descriptive words...personal preference tho, I really liked the descriptiveness for the most part as well as the thought you put into this. Nice job buddy



    please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326599
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  6. #6
    Soule
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    Fuck these sleeping whores.

    Yo man, I nearly pissed myself at that first image. Scarry dude lol. The Story behind each thing is fucking incredible. I thought the ending was gonna be way different but you perfected a different way. I cant really talk about your wordplay. It's too good to make up a word for. This is by far one of my favorite peices from you man, keep it up and hit up Good Meets Evil please. *Nominates*

  7. #7
    Soule
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  8. #8
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    just remembered about getting to this, lateness is better than neverness, yeah its a word...

    anyway not really someone that likes pictures in Poetry since i learned how much easier it is for the writer to get something across with one. But i have to say you made this one work because of how much detailed description you actually put into the piece and + those pictures are hella good. yeh so i already complimented the detail but ill pick out a few lines. maybe mainly the lines i just liked on a whole


    As mother’s feet met oak wood, nothing could save
    That soul she loved, the violins falls short of breath
    Until no longer can he play his symphony oh hope,
    And then… silence

    ^ that was perfect. scene was set perfectly using a very nicely worded metaphor

    okay so that stood out only because it was that good.. overall it was a nice piece, stayed consistent throughout in a long read, kept me wanting to read more. lovely piece.. swift feedback cos ive got a couple of things to write whilst i got time. pz

  9. #9
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    Your writing and descriptive ability are awesome.
    I especially liked the line about the lone violin...very symbolic, very morose...I always relate well to music, even in description. It's one of the best ways to capture a mood in a line of writing.
    Anyways, I'm going to recommend to tik that you be in Word Perfect. This piece not only shows tremendous ability but also the dedication and time to craft really long, involved pieces with an excellent outcome.
    Great work.
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Ether Spitter's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    Behind the painted smile- love loss

    A child’s cry wraps around her soul like carnivorous ivy,

    the greatest picture painted for me in this piece was this line. Just because it said more to me than what the rest of the framwork of your first section. I only read the beginning construct, only because ive got other work to get to. But I took the time enough to sit through and get a good read. I think that the construct of the poem is a shadow of thoughts continuing through time. So to me the rest was an expression of words spoken before. The line I commented on I feel was the greatest expression of your individuality and I think painted an original picture for me.


    Igido
    He knows all and sees all...the creator of our creativity ...I follow The Divinity

  11. #11
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    wow, man... im sorry for not dropping sooner.. lately i just havent been in the mood for long pieces.. your writing ability is fucking amazing, man.. very dope worded metaphors throughout the whole piece. the detailed descriptions were incredible.. even stayed consistent through the whole read.. the images were some shit.. exspecially that baby all burned up... you had excellent wordplay.. what else can i really say, man.. this WAS the greatest piece Ive seen in Poetic Scriptures since I came to RB.. great work, yo... ill keep an eye out for more..

  12. #12
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    In a word; intense. Wow man, i'm not much of a poetry reader which this piece really drew me in. The imagery was uberstrong and consistent and the story which threaded all these abstract images together was original and heartfelt. You made the central charecter really easy to visualise and sympathise with, and the final twists of the piece, the images of her 'painted smile' shattering made for a strong finish along with the dialogue between mother and dead child.

    Great stuff, keep posting.

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  13. #13
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the painted smile

    upping.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

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