1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

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  1. #1
    Gotta be Tardi Fresh's Avatar
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    1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1



    Intro

    What's up you sons of bitches? Welcome to another season of 1-2 Punch. I want to be clear righgt off the bat,
    there isn't going to be any leniency on no shows or 0 voting. As you can see 4 people were benched for either no showing or not voting on a single thing. No fucks given on my part, I will boot you from the league if you break the rules (especially when it comes to no showing and voting). Thanks to everyone who showed and voted! Shout out to @Krucial Th1rt3en for voting on everything even though he has a 1 week boot from the league. To everyone else, I hope you choke on Dia's jizz shirts.

    Battlers

    Now that we've weeded out the schmucks and shit, let's take a look at the battlers that are currently in the Roster.

    Smog

    Smogs just an all around dope guy. He's super nice and shit but you can tell by how quiet he is that he would fuck up an entire room of people if they did him wrong. Smog been battling for many years and has became a contender and an opponent to be revered in the last couple years. If you sleep on smog you're gonna have a bad time.

    plethora

    plethora seems like a cool dude. I don't know him that well and I have no fucking clue if he's an alias. But this man has bars for days. He is also one of the few people who doesn't make me want to punch a poodle in the face. I fucking hate poodles. I could see plethora champing this season easily, so bring all you've got if you're battling him.

    Requiem

    I have no fucking clue who Requiem is, but he likes to complain in the battle threads when people give him shitty feedback. He seems to have the basics down to writing a bar so we'll see how he does by the end of the season.

    Joe Boston

    Joe fucking Boston is probably one of the oldest text battlers that is still alive. Dude's got a mean accent too. You don't want to get scolded by this dude, it will scar you for life. Joe is hit or miss with his bars, and mostly because he's a stubborn old fart. People try to coach him to get better but he goes back to his Shakespearean battle traits because it's all he knows. Adaptation is not his strong suit. Don't sleep on Joe though, he can deliver some bangers too..

    Allen Knight

    Pretty sure Allen Knight is Hush's father, but that is yet to be proven. I have no idea how long Allen Knight has been battling for but he's been a top contender since I can remember (circa 2013, the year i came back from a long hiatus). I think Allen Knight is one of the top contenders and if he sticks around he could easily champ this season.

    Witty

    Not sure if Witty was trolling when he signed up, but I put him in anyway because I'm just that nice of a guy. Witty lives in the foothills of ireland and has been known to give step by step updates on his trip when he gets high on drugs. Witty is the nicest asshole you will ever meet. I hope he trips and falls down his own foothills.

    Belooshka

    Honestly can't stand this fucking guy but he's also made me laugh harder than most ppl on these rap boards. What can you do but admire the guy for consistency when it comes to his act. The only boarder to have graced online forums that has a cleft lip that's bigger than his actual lip. belooshka won't no show but I bet he will drop sub par punches if they're even considered punches at all.

    Know P

    I had Know P in before he recanted his sign in but I left him in anyway because fuck you and fuck him too. Know P one of those "veterans" that can still lose to a newb from time to time. He's very hit or miss, but not Joe boston hit or miss. I think he could potentially win a couple champ matches during the season but I don't have high hopes for him actually champing the league if he sticks around. Prove me wrong fucker.

    Bomb Bard

    Bomb Bard the type of dude who splashes other dudes at the beach and then runs away hoping they'll chase him. In all seriousness though, I'm not sure who he is even though he's been around (off and on) for a couple years. Probably an NC guy. Anyway, Bomb Bard can drop some decent bars so watch out for him if you're battling, he could catch you off guard.

    Basic M

    I dunno what it is about Basic M, but you just can't help but respect the guys hustle. He gets knocked down but he always gets back up, old chumbawumba ass motherfucker. Basic M has been steadily improving his art, so I can definitely see him winning some champ matches and giving somebody a run for contendership, if not championship.

    Mysonne Got Bars



    Week 1 Top Punches

    I will be doing top 5's, but there wasn't enough bars dropped this week to do anything more than top 3. Shittt top 3 is even reaching.. But I'ma do it anyway.

    3. Requiem

    Quote Originally Posted by Requiem View Post
    Krucial? Kid’s the worst, no reason to be hasty
    Cause no-ones feeling 13, not even Kevin Spacey.
    2. plethora

    Quote Originally Posted by plethora View Post
    ur ECW avy says u like hardcore action, that aint norm
    u watch men gettin tossed thru firesticks & scramblin gay porn
    1. Smog

    Quote Originally Posted by Smog View Post
    I'll snatch ya work n Ull seek no revenge, that thug acts a scandalous image
    u ain't a fuckin GM.. when u get robbed n never manage to handle ya business
    Booty











    Week 2 Match Ups / Predictions

    Allen Knight vs Witty

    Allen knight been doing this and been winning at this. If this were a Topical league, It'd go the other way. But as is, I gotta go with Allen Knight.

    Allen Knight: 80 | Witty: 20

    Belooshka vs Know P

    Belooshka is a troll and Know P is probably rusty. If Know P shows up he should take this easy though.

    Know P: 70 | Belooshka: 30

    Joe Boston vs Requiem

    This one could be one of the closest battles of the week. Requiem is getting the idea of it while Joe boston is a wildcard; you never know if he's gonna throw out a decent jab or attempt the hail mary but miss completely.

    Joe Boston: 50 | Requiem: 50

    Bomb Bard vs Basic M

    This is gonna be another really close one. I think both these battlers are currently on the same level, so I gotta go 50/50 with this one too.

    Bomb Bard: 50 | Basic M: 50

    Smog vs plethora

    Although I gave bar of the week for last weeks punch, I don't think that takes away from plethoras ability to take on some of the best. I think plethora will bring his A game because he's facing a known worthy opponent. Smog will have to bring some heat to bring this one home, however the same could be said about plethora.

    plethora: 60 | Smog: 40

    WEEK 1 WTF'S

    WTF @ boston WINNING HIS BATTLE BUT GETTING BOOTED FOR NOT VOTING
    WTF @ WITTY BATTLING IN 1-2 PUNCH
    WTF @ AMENS GIRLFRIENDS BOOTY IN THE LAST PIC
    WTF @ KILL SPREE ASKING IF I WANT HELP WITH THE MAG EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T PLAN TO HELP AT ALL
    WTF @ LENNY BEING KICKED OUT OF THE SEASON AFTER 1 BATTLE LMFAO
    WTF @ RAPISTS COMING OUT OF THE WOODWORK EVERYWHERE. HIDE YO KIDS
    WTF @ KRUCIAL THIRTEEN GETTING BOOTED BUT HE STILL VOTED MORE THAN SOME OF THE OTHER DUDES
    WTF @ THESE WTF'S
    WTF?!?!?!


    Outro

    Alright you fuckers, that's what you get. Hopefully this puts a fire under your asses and maybe attracts some more attention so we can Have a dope season of 1-2. I'll be doing a weekly mag like this, so if thats any incitement, keep it in mind and tell your friends and neighbours. I can't promise my mags will get better (they may) but I will promise you they won't get worse. Let's make this a dope week ya'll!
    Last edited by Fresh; November 13th, 2017 at 05:08 PM

  2. #2

    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    This is good mag


    I’ll show you all

  3. #3
    Cold as ice. Allen Knight's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    dope mag bro, props.
    Name plays on me are old.
    Legion Of Legends

  4. #4
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Eww at the last ass looks like a Chipolte burrito @Fresh lmao. Dope mag khed! Glad to have ya back running shit

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  5. #5
    Gotta be Tardi Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Boston View Post
    Eww at the last ass looks like a Chipolte burrito @Fresh lmao. Dope mag khed! Glad to have ya back running shit
    that's @Amen 's girls ass

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  6. #6
    Hop Off KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    lol at booty. good write up bruh

  7. #7
    Obnoxious Amen's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Yo this nigga posted a pic of his girls ass in the RB mag. Fucking toasteddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ROFL

    This nigga @Fresh the true MVP.

  8. #8
    Gotta be Tardi Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Lmao

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  9. #9
    The Beast...P4P Krucial Th1rt3en's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    lmao good looks on the shoutout
    wen my ban is over i am bodying someone
    lmao @the last Ass pic, that bitch look like a 14 yr old boy lmao the other hoes are A1 though
    get ready for me muthafuckas, requem luckd out. cant wait to see who i got when im back

    - - - Updated - - -

    lmao @Fresh "wtf". i told u bro, i literally thought it was the 11th. im totally into this shit. my dumass i cant believe i fuckd it up lmao
    Krucial Thirteen

  10. #10
    Obnoxious Amen's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT A 14 YEAR OLD BOY LOOK LIKE, THO?

  11. #11
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Was going to say I think the prediction in my battle was a bit off. Allen should definitely be favourite but 8-2? But then I remembered I've never text battled here...so you're forgiven for your underestimation.

  12. #12
    Gotta be Tardi Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Witty View Post
    Was going to say I think the prediction in my battle was a bit off. Allen should definitely be favourite but 8-2? But then I remembered I've never text battled here...so you're forgiven for your underestimation.
    lmao i like how the prediction is wrong but the foot hills is more accurate

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  13. #13
    BROKE LESNAR B Dot LESNAR's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    If this Krucial faggot says he thought it was the 11th one more fucking time I'm going to roflz all over myself.

  14. #14
    Obnoxious Amen's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    Witty dope in his own mind, tho.

  15. #15
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: 1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 1

    I'm quite good at battling.

    Not brilliant. But quite good.

    Certainly better than Amen.

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