Dreams Nightmares v.f1

[Celph Taut]

[The original]
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-Nightmares-v2

A parent-less child. Staring aimlessly for
someone to inherit his style. Cause apparently?
He doesn't care for it now.
Back in those days I use to pray, but however
those feelings changed... the ceilings rained down my actions
but frankly? they are still the same...
They said to conceal the pain... why the fuck would I?
In the dead of December
Ambitions I forgot, that they said I'd remember...
Wait until that phase was over, n' then I would enter...
Cause when you're caught in that spell?
You change your outlook for a better agenda...
I measured my worth entirely through the pleasure and girth
of my animosity for any accumulation I was leveraging, first...
It wasn't greed that motivated me, nor sanity...
Just a family dictating every action n' plan to be...
Telling me I'd develop organically if I plant the seed...
to grow... even though, I could feel the heat in the freezing snow...
And in the end? What did I see? Nothing for me...
Visions of an angel hanging up in a tree...
with presents, scattered over the floor that they've tucked underneath...
I assure you, materialism wasn't something discreet...
Imagine. Yeah, just imagine, a family dinner
crammed in the center of an Astro van for the winter? yeah...
Such a tumultuous time, growing up in a shadow
that's so closely defined, but acts as a...
gateway mechanism to open your mind?
Just a waste of existence, scraping the plate within inches
of losing so much weight he could put an anorexic estate out of business...
You can look deep into their gaunt faces to witness...
The nourishment needed for this boy wasn't placed in a distance...
Wide awake in the trenches...
While they joke about my insanity...
but it's all-right... the same smile Heath Ledger had in The Dark Knight...
Psychological imprints as an entrance to use a design...
To shine upon the ugly n' institute truth as "The Beautiful Mind"
But truth is, I can see the root that they truly defined...
Systemic binds to the Architect's manuscript looming, inside...
luminous, a grayish hue that aligns with the matter, they've shattered...
While spewing visceral hate chatter to replace the glorious steak platter...
Yeah.. It's beyond repair, you swear that you weep...
But sorry, I won't be there to wipe the tear from your cheek...
I had my first good dream, of your very defeat...
And the emotions were so overwhelming? that I barely could sleep...
Eyes redden... I never really understood the reason...
I'd much rather paint my emotions on the fallen November leaves, n'...
remind myself of hydroplaning towards better seasons...
Then the burden of associating a thought of my parents never leaving...
I just laugh it off, like how many more scars?
No answer is given...
The vicious attacks is more than enough to channel the vision...
scrambling quick, trying to get a handle on this animal instinct...
They wouldn't know shit about love ...when, a wife and her husband...
resisting the thoughts of letting step sons in...
Shit. They would much rather fuck off n' go on a drug binge...
And nah, I don't even know my real, all I do is pretend...
I'd know my real tho if you could man up n' be true to the end...
I didn't have to go through all that bullshit you put me in...
That same fucking bullshit that you'd never do to a friend...
You would do to your kin. Abuse him in front of your family, then abuse him again...
Frustrated from unstable relations, so you abuse him again...
Hallucinogens. You use the syringe. The Jimmy Hendrix music begins...
You fall off of that toilet seat n expose the bluish hues on your skin..
How could you not fucking see how problematic that was?
How traumatic it was? My brother nearly dying and his step dad doesn't budge?
It's FUCKED up. But yeah, mother wasn't a saint either
Was she? Always neglecting the problems that drama projected...
Now who's gonna stand n' tell me I'm getting my win?
Not a fucking soul... Cause truth is? I don't give it out when my trust is stole...
Well it must be nice to be like you. A burden, a shadow.
The one hiding behind the curtain, impeding his lies, for certain.
And even when I was hurting,n' that gleam in your eye was working...
I said "fuck love"!... ,and ended up leaving to find my purpose...


...Yeah

[Tempest]

Flow is dope as fuck. I like it. Not your typical RB style. But very fluent. Almost like the structure Engivale used to use. Rolls right off the tongue. I fucks with it. Wording is really well put together and helped put fluidity to the concept. The concept was a nice touch and it was a great read. Keep writing and Sign up for Halloween Massacre.

[Celph Taut]

Flow is dope as fuck. I like it. Not your typical RB style. But very fluent. Almost like the structure Engivale used to use. Rolls right off the tongue. I fucks with it. Wording is really well put together and helped put fluidity to the concept. The concept was a nice touch and it was a great read. Keep writing and Sign up for Halloween Massacre.

Thanks for very much bro for the critique!

[A Disciple]

You did a great job @Celph taught I like that you changed it around and made it your own. It's cool, like you heard me.

- - - Updated - - -

Ps... I hate step parents too... They can be awful!!!! I didn't write it!!!

- - - Updated - - -

It's like we relate on different levels but the same core problem... Assumptions are horrible but I like your remake to the piece... I think a good league would be based off one piece and how we do all relate to it. Like show me where we are alike, not different! Ya know - cause sometimes personally it feels like im divided against myself - like where do I match not what brings me apart type ish if that makes sense. Just cause ones skills different from another doesn't mean we all
Don't have skills... Let's compliment instead... Cause this site filled with hate sometimes and who has the time to bothered.

[Celph Taut]

You did a great job @Celph taught I like that you changed it around and made it your own. It's cool, like you heard me.

- - - Updated - - -

Ps... I hate step parents too... They can be awful!!!! I didn't write it!!!

- - - Updated - - -

It's like we relate on different levels but the same core problem... Assumptions are horrible but I like your remake to the piece... I think a good league would be based off one piece and how we do all relate to it. Like show me where we are alike, not different! Ya know - cause sometimes personally it feels like im divided against myself - like where do I match not what brings me apart type ish if that makes sense. Just cause ones skills different from another doesn't mean we all
Don't have skills... Let's compliment instead... Cause this site filled with hate sometimes and who has the time to bothered.

Thank you! Hopefully you're not offended by anything I said, I read your piece and did my own interpretation of it whilst keeping some elements in tact as a way of paying homage to yours. By no means should this piece be taking as a manifestation or reflection of what I thought of your piece, merely my own spin on the story with an influence of your concept in mind

[OG Maestro]

This nigga Celph is fucking dope. my favorite part of your writing here is the enrichment of rhythm and reference used.
the new king of OM and shit, take the crown with ya lyrical ass then

yo you better sign up for SS with bars like those. you know you could compete

[SELF ACTIVATE]

Since I tagged you in my last drop I thought it was only proper I at least reply to one of yours. And you know what? I'm really glad I did. First off, what I dig most about your writing is your tone. It's raw, authentic, and unapoligetic. It just is what it is with no filter needed. Nothing seems forced, contrite, or written to impress; rather it comes across human and conversational. You're just telling us a story in rhymic form as fluidly as you would if we were smoking a joint and talking in person. It's just nature. Filled with emotion and genius, yet, seemingly effortless imagery popping up sporadically in unexpected segments of your verse.

Also, your wording: it's crisp, fluid, and smooth. It just works on every level. I couldn't identify an area where you sacrificed your content for the sake of rhyming. I mean it flowed brilliantly, but it was also relevant to the story. I respect you dedication to the craft in that regard.

Lastly, the story itself was relatable and intriguing. It seemed like a true-to-life telling of a time personal to you. It caught my attention from start to finish. And you crafty use of different devices kept me engaged the entire way thru.

Dope piece dude. Props and respect.

[Eyes]

Thought this was a great read. The schemes and switch ups you employed contributed effectively to a very smooth, natural flow, along with different, nice rhyming patterns. I really appreciate the authenticity of this, as some already pointed out. The overall set up had a rather direct tone to it, you did pretty well in depicting core circumstances and emotional relations from the very start, without incorporating an overly complex content. I truly loved the narrative here probably the most, because you seemingly effortlessly made each line so relatable. This is some top-notch writing right here. Some enjoyable stuff!

[Judge Mentill]

Poetry. Philosophy. All tied together with an off the wall flow which made reading this lengthy piece as smooth as silk. You really tapped into the pain of the mental state of the author with a subject matter that was original and really well executed. Some stand out lines for me:

I didn't have to go through all that bullshit you put me in...
That same fucking bullshit that you'd never do to a friend...
You would do to your kin. Abuse him in front of your family, then abuse him again...
Frustrated from unstable relations, so you abuse him again...
Hallucinogens. You use the syringe. The Jimmy Hendrix music begins...
You fall off of that toilet seat n expose the bluish hues on your skin..
How could you not fucking see how problematic that was?
How traumatic it was? My brother nearly dying and his step dad doesn't budge?

Great choice of vocab and imagery in this 8 particularly. You do the vets on this site credit with stuff like this.

Great work.