The Sun & The Moon

[Tactixx]

The Sun & the Moon


This ancient myth, passed on through aged hyroglyphs and scripts
A love story of madness and proof that truth in stories..does exist
Without a mother's kiss, theirs was unlike any other type of passion
It might have lasted, but their love had a clashing adverse reaction
A birth beyond time's fabrics, Gods entrusted to guard earth's magic
A fiery maiden whose glances turned any mortal man's body to ashes
With her tempered and loving companion, a bearer of sorrow & sadness
And so with each passing flight, days & nights ensure tomorrow passes
All alone in the twilight..... I'll read a piece from a borrowed passage...


-Valdea The Fire Mistress & Egon The Wise-


From the dawn of time the fate of Valdea & Egon have been intertwined
Chosen from among nine, to be keepers of the Moonlight & the Sunshine
She had a keen & strong mind, but there was a blaze in her deadly gaze
Egon tried to pursuade her not to, but this decision was already made
She was set in her ways & terrible when her full splendor was displayed
Still tender, but as a naked flame she was arrayed & most grew afraid
They stood amazed & great power was given to the few who had stayed
It is Valdea that lights our darkest of days to even the deepest caves
The first sun was like a great fire upon the plains, the new rays of hope
Sent to encircle the globe for days unknown piercing even haze & smoke
Unphazed, God spoke to Egon declaring that his chance would come soon
Though none knew that a love had bloomed between the sun & the moon
And his new starlit beams gleamed like mirrored reflections in the sea
The land was at peace and set to sleep for a time in pure tranquility
Robed in fine silver was he, our last line of defense from dark places
A reward to most star gazers while his portrait is one that art favors
Though sometimes he may waiver & tends to neglect his chosen path
And on rare times he'll eclipse his love with a kiss whenever he flys past
Or only wanting to show us half, thiers was a love that could never last
And so, to this day Valdea and Egon both still circle earth high up above
With the curse of being forever unable to touch the one they once loved..













Links-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...929/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...456/index.html

[Tactixx]

Bump....any feed?
Leave a link and Ill rtf...
Peace..

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...253/index.html



This was really fucking dope man. The storytell and flow was amazing! Really got into this story man, you told it like a true Open Mic vet. And, the flow helped a tremendous amount bro. Really dug the emotion and imagery in this piece. Really decisive read. Wording was beyond most writers. Can't wait to see your next open mic. Nominated.

[Tactixx]

thanks man....feed returned..
any more feed??

[143]

Are you sure that you are not an author. This verse was written like a best seller, from the imagery to the structure as razor sharp. Then you throw in the deepness of the topic like an history teacher and shit, I thought KRS-1 was dropping here. Definate HOF here...

[143]

feed on my drops "2 crew or not 2 crew and Born Ambition"

[Tactixx]

done...feed returned....uppin for some more feed....

[Plot]

A birth beyond time's fabrics, Gods entrusted to guard earth's magic
A fiery maiden whose glances turned any mortal man's body to ashes
With her tempered and loving companion, a bearer of sorrow & sadness
And so with each passing flight, days & nights ensure tomorrow passes
All alone in the twilight..... I'll read a piece from a borrowed passage...
The rhyming in this segment was very nice.
'fabric and magic to glances and ashes' , normally people rhyme
magic with spastic or plastic, was frsh to see some different rhymes here.
tommorrow passes and borrowed passage' were also ringing of dopeness.

From the dawn of time the fate of Valdea & Egon have been intertwined
Chosen from among nine, to be keepers of the Moonlight & the Sunshine
Great multies and imagery.

Perhaps some of the multies in the next segment felt a little forced.
in particular 'most grew afraid' but the 'deepest caves' was nice,
I think this paert could have been imporved a little with more multi-syllable
rhymes such as 'tommorrow passes, borrowed passage.'

Unphazed, God spoke to Egon declaring that his chance would come soon
Though none knew that a love had bloomed between the sun & the moon
Beautiful imagery
Robed in fine silver was he, our last line of defense from dark places
A reward to most star gazers while his portrait is one that art favors
Again here

Very nice piece, I get the feeling from the pic it may have been for a topical?
Anyway the 'sun and the moon' is a great concept that reeks of alchemy and
I feel you did it justice here, staying on topic throughout.

[Tactixx]

bump....all feed has been returned..

[Rosetti Frost]

damn bro...

1st off this was the best OM I have read in a while...

the imagery was damn near perfect...the flow was on point...the structure was great...

the multis in there were very good...the story was great and you played it perfect how you told it...the wording was on point and the emotion was all there...

this is def HOF caliber writing...if this don't make the HOF something is wrong...

[2triple0]

thought this was real nice... just a two things i noticed at first, one was the concept you used that there was a myth behind literature and that you believe that even some literature has a little truth in it... i thought that was a nice concept, because it was questioning some of the basic rules of writing... the second thing i noticed, i didn't enjoy as much as that because i didn't relate to it, or i related to it in a more personal way (but kind of a weak and gay one, lol) i thought your second verse was starting to sound little bit like Lord of the Rings when i was reading it.... sorry i just had to say that... anyways dope piece really enjoyed the read...

feed on Beauty and the Beast or any other one of my pieces in OM would be much appreciated

[The Messenger]

nice piece, i thought you will touch on the link between babylonian empires, egyptian pharoahs and the illuminati, but this is nice for what it is

[Tactixx]

Werd, thx...up this one more tme....

leave a link and Ill drop feed on your verses..

Peace..

[Quacks]

im confused... did you write the 2nd verse?


i liked this alot

The Sun & the Moon


This ancient myth, passed on through aged hyroglyphs and scripts
A love story of madness and proof that truth in stories..does exist
Without a mother's kiss, theirs was unlike any other type of passion
It might have lasted, but their love had a clashing adverse reaction
A birth beyond time's fabrics, Gods entrusted to guard earth's magic
A fiery maiden whose glances turned any mortal man's body to ashes
With her tempered and loving companion, a bearer of sorrow & sadness
And so with each passing flight, days & nights ensure tomorrow passes
All alone in the twilight..... I'll read a piece from a borrowed passage...

[SHOK-VAL-U]

Amazing piece,multies,flow,the words in the verse.everything fit together perfectly,you proceed on from one line to another like it didnt even stop,there are so many quotables dude,i didnt realise you were this talented at topicals,this is dope writing...

From the dawn of time the fate of Valdea & Egon have been intertwined
Chosen from among nine, to be keepers of the Moonlight & the Sunshine
She had a keen & strong mind, but there was a blaze in her deadly gaze
Egon tried to pursuade her not to, but this decision was already made
She was set in her ways & terrible when her full splendor was displayed
Still tender, but as a naked flame she was arrayed & most grew afraid
They stood amazed & great power was given to the few who had stayed
It is Valdea that lights our darkest of days to even the deepest caves
The first sun was like a great fire upon the plains, the new rays of hope
Sent to encircle the globe for days unknown piercing even haze & smoke

^ near enough flawless IMO...it was my favourite part,but the whole thing was execellent,maybe even worth a h.o.f nom maybe...to me it was THAT good...keep writing dude