Boy, I just love spring break... (SS)

[Jon]

Boy, I just love spring break...
By Jonathon



Times flying fast, as this oncoming party train speeds
With plenty of girls, beer, & all your entertainment needs...
Crowds will plow over your troubles, get wasted, see double
Towns will not last - the hazing defeats beaches to rubble...
No school for a week, weekends are just another day to add
Borrow parents’ money and work hours to pay them back...
A beer belly in thirty minutes, that’s what they call fitness
Go swimming with the fishes and leave sharks as your witness...
They like to get fucked up - off many pills and potions
Sitting on the beach watching the still of the oceans....

But I'm hiding and watching, finding and plotting -
Hoping & praying that the feds wouldn't spot me...
My little daughter's knocking - let me get the door,
'What happened to her daddy...?"
'That bitch was a whore!'
I slit then I store, bodies galore,
Shit's unrealistic like things you Saw 4...
Its raw core, hard would be an understatement -
Keep the blonde ones and hide the others under places...

She's off on her long walk across the darkest beach
I was so nervous & quiet I found it hard to speak...
Good thing because my mission had to be stealthy -
In my mind I knew this couldn't be healthy...

I snuck up behind her and with a thump I bagged her,
She screamed out a lung until I pulled out my dagger...
I tied her then stabbed her, just a little 'nick' on the side
Making sure this was quick; I could see a tear in her eye...
After I put her in the truck & turned down my music -
I drove off to the E.R; aka the place where I pursue this...
I continue to torture - like a vulture I indulge her;
This sounds sick but its just part of my culture...

I was high; she was low... beneath my feet
I could feel her heart beat as if the earth had a pulse...



All the while...

I LOVE spring break...

[Jon]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...re-363050.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-363261.html

[Jon]

SS piece of the week...

[Soule]

I know we hate eachother as human beings. But I do respect you as a writer, whether you return the view or not. This piece was incredible. The storyline, how it went from Spring Break being the greatest time for entertainment to it being the greatest time to kill a bitch. It was one of the most entertaining storylines I've read in a long ass time. The imagery was very vivid and helped me sight out everything you described. Very visual. The emotion was alright, something that could have been done better, but is nowhere near a flaw. Wording was pretty straight forward, and really did have a nice flow to cover for it. All in all, the best topical I've ever read from you. Keep at it.

Feedback from SS. I fucking hate you for taking my piece out of last monthes HOF. But what ever. Nom'd.

[Jon]

Uh, I'm honestly not trying to be a bitch about it. I took it out, because we're increasing the level of talent of RB by making it harder to get into the HoF... Therefore, maybe not even this piece will get in... But yeah, thanks for the feed...

I'm tired as fuck, and not trying to sound like a bitch...

upppin

[Dayvid Aimz]

whoa this was real trippy.......I expected just that same feel good vibe throughout..........then i got all weird and csi-like.....dope man.
Loved how you changed the mood so quickly.
Then made us feel comfortable again like.......still "I love spring break".
wild poetick.

Favorite lines:
'What happened to her daddy...?"
'That bitch was a whore!'
I slit then I store, bodies galore,
Shit's unrealistic like things you Saw 4...
Its raw core, hard would be an understatement -
Keep the blonde ones and hide the others under places...

really stood out to me^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

DOPENESS ALL AROUND.....no flaws in this piece.
jonathan u keep getting better and better,

RATING 10/10.

[Jon]

uppin this...

[Johnny 6-feet]

You've improved a lot man, thats clear from this piece. You've become one of the stronger topical heads on the site. Your use of imagery was crystal clear for most of it, the choice of vocab was easy to understand but not simplistic. The topic was a classic one but you breathed some life into it. The rhyme scheme could've been stronger but that wasn't a major issue. Good work.

Keep posting.

[Orc]

Yeah, dope piece. Like I said in SS - the flow was cool and straightforward, nothing overly extravagant but the actual wording was dope, it was obviously carefully chosen. I didn't like the beginning, to be honest. But only because I thought it was going to be a happy 'I love spring break' type piece. SO yeah, the twist was great, really nice man you hid it well and executed it well.

Hit me up for that collab, let me know if you still have the verse? Maybe then i'll get another HOF, =/.

[The Visionary]

This was great...I figured something was coming because the tone didnt fit the words at first...I didnt expect it to get crazy like that. I think the shock and the story make up for the simplicity, if the simplicity was even a flaw to begin with.