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Thread: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

  1. #1
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    P - Puts the Poor in Poverty
    By Jonathon

    "Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is."
    - Benjamin Franklin


    Words rain down from the mind of Ben Franklin, but meant nothin'
    Considering now he's plastered on the many faces of hundreds...
    It's ironic how: the people who really need it, don't really want it -
    And the people who have greed seem to seek out and hunt it...
    The American dream seemed to be succeed and stay healthy;
    But since when did all that leave the scene for getting wealthy.



    This faded picture paints an image - and taint's our vision,
    Strain to become a rock star just to make a livin'.
    He strings with fingers - striving off his breath as it lingers
    Feeding off poverty's plate, late; but his structure's leaner
    Skin and bones he mends his foes when he knows...
    Rags for clothes, no tellin' how long he's been in those.

    Bask In Glory

    That's your task;
    Grip life by the neck n' close this casket for me...
    I don't want to see reality, hide me -
    I don't want change to find me...
    I only accept change in coins;
    With raging' loins -
    I'm chasing dollars,
    Yet I wear poverty;
    and its dark-painful collar...

    "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde
    So, that's my death wish - being poor & helpless is all but selfish
    If I had a story I'd tell this, but I wouldn't want hell to get jealous...
    Basically I'm dead, who would know other than me and Jesus,
    Not talking about god, this guy beside me can hardly see us -
    We need shit... Including money, food, shelter, heat is a plus,
    The devilish weather's rude enough to make a priest wanna cuss.

    "have you ever wondered how it would be if you were rich and famous, sure
    you have, everyone has at least once in there life, but have you ever wondered
    how it feels to be poor and homeless, sure most of us are merely middle class,
    but what would you do if you didn't have anything, expand..."
    This is merely logic behind this closet of 'played topics'
    Story's sink in - they stink; yet, healing hearts like a lozenge
    They storm the soreness - the facts are there, we ignore this;
    I'm tired of poverty writing - no more topics...
    Before I look up some more shit...

    Facts:
    Half the world — nearly three billion people — live on less than two dollars a day.

    Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.

    The number of children who die due to poverty is the equivalent of 1 child dying every 3 seconds.
    Poverty will never be solved,
    only more will be involved -
    These are people who wish for ashes -
    but instead receive dust...
    Because they don't have enough cash to warm their asses.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  2. #2
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Last edited by Jon; January 29th, 2008 at 08:31 AM
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  3. #3
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    upp.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  4. #4
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    got verse of the week..
    Artificial.Intelligence

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    Re: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    Great I get to be the frist to leave feed on the drop that took me out of WOP...

    First off..I think you had a great handle on the pic and the topic itself..and how you incorportated several topics...into the entire drop...was quite clever and well executed..as far as the content..you had some strong emotion that helped bring out the imagery...in the piece...or I could've said that vice versa....because both imagery and emotion worked hand in hand in this piece...I think the usage of the quote's really helped to set the tone for the entire drop..as well...you had good word placement...nice vocab...and some witty lines here and there..overall this was an enjoyable read....so props on a solid drop..and cograts on making the 3rd round of WOP...

  6. #6
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    ^ thanks dude. thanks for being cool about it instead of bitchin n stuff.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  7. #7
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    no one feeds me anymore
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  8. #8
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: P - Puts the Poor in Poverty - (WOP Week 2)

    the beggining didnt flow well, the rhyme scheme was simple, and the ending didnt either. the use of slang at the end was kind of careless also. ok, sorry for beggining the feed with being majorly critical of all your flaws, lol. dont be fooled, i enjoyed this piece, the middle flowed well, and the imagery was stronger. the injection of emotion by the words you chose made for a better read, but in the beginning it was boring and made me kind of not want to read it. its important to have a strong beggining, you probobly learned that in english class... anyway, the rest of the piece was strong in flow/imagery/emotion/technical jargon.... and the end was cool i guess, but the way you said "ass" just seemed careless. i dont think you can pull of cursing in verse with your style unlessi ts "fucking" or "fucked" or another term that can inject intense emotion

    good piece, just a few minor kinks, i think

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ly-359115.html
    please?^
    Last edited by soulstice.; January 31st, 2008 at 06:58 PM

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