Evolution of Evil - Hence Forward

[Jon]

Evolution Of Evil - A Hence Forward Collaberation

Evil was a seed when the dawn had came in
Turned to a weed cause they poorly placed it,
But strength showed it was more than basic
And became a tree when the morning faded.
So the 'Evolution of Evil' was orchestrated &..
Every single leaf glistened with morbid hatred,
Fruit so perfect everyone who saw it, waited
Wanting a bite to see how pure the taste is...
....Not knowing that the core was laced with
A poison of snakespit effectin' all who take it.
This is the start of Man's fall from greatness,
& Those who had tasted were all contagious...
God viewed these actions in pure amazement,
Perceptions now of a world, that war created
Seeing few.. who knew the cure was sacred..
With faith running through the water vapours.
But knowin that man would sure embrace it,
God churned out seas like it was automated
Cast his Disciples out to lure the faces..
Everyone from the rich to the poor & naked..

so the killer in me, is just the killer in you
no need to filter the truth, because the past is proof
we're killers in suits, with mute toungues, and no use
the abuse runs, check up on your daily news
some refuse to accept it, but they're confused
my blueprints infused with evil, and their's is too
survival of the fittest, what exactly is evil to you?
where's the line between "it" and what people have to do?
I draw a groove in the sand where people do it for food
on the other side of the scoop, the people do it for fuel
it depends on the view, but it could be seen as a tool
as a way to escape the hardships our families endure
...we do what we must...
our souls are sick, needing something in which to trust
we kill off what we love, in turn - point the bullet at us

A disease spawned from the brawn, the makeshift -
Gift from god, mixed with the evil taste of snake lips.
The color of the goods was basically temptation,
One unspoken wonder, proved to be god's creation.
The world continues it's venues, and mends them closer
While the youth tends to, lend a hand and defend the older
Time stops, remains frozen, & careful words are chosen
10 promises were made - only the truth was golden.

With the taste of the tree on Adam and Eve’s lips,
they were kicked from the garden, but received bliss,
by sharing a deep kiss, under the moonlight.
They conceived kids & their love consumed fright,
of their doomed life. So, ignoring that they’d soon die,
they looked to their two sons for knew life,
but a crude spite lived in Kane’s skin,
because Adam & Eve passed down the same sin
that still lingered on their tastebuds. . .
It produced Kane, the first time they made love.
God liked Able more, so evil started to wake up,
& it manifested in Kane, as rage, but
jealously is what keep his hatred feed,
& in a fit of anger, Kane took a rock to Able’s head.
The evil in his blood was the inventor of pain,
Killer: every living man descended from Kane...

In order:
-Seyance-
Split.
Jonathon
Chris Black

Hence Forward© 2008

[Jon]

Tainted Tears
Seriously
I'll say no more

[R. Foster]

This was pretty dope.

First: The structure was damn perfect. Short and simple lines with decent multis made that flow like butter.

So the 'Evolution of Evil' was orchestrated &..
Every single leaf glistened with morbid hatred,
Fruit so perfect everyone who saw it, waited
Wanting a bite to see how pure the taste is...

Great stanza, emphasized the effect and lust for evil in this world. Props.

Second: I liked the roller coaster-like rhyme scheme at the start, had a roll-off-the-tongue flow. Less focused on evil as it was on dominance and survival, but nonetheless got the point of self-importance by any means across.

Third: Was pretty short and I didn't catch much of evil evolving. From what I get, then 10 promises are the commandments and they weren't upheld, which is damn true. Nice imagery, very crisp flow, and powerful wording, just didn't seem to connect fully to the topic. Nice, nonetheless.

Fourth: Dope story! Flow was crisp for the most part, some short lines put a few awkward pauses, but otherwise, that shit was dope. Good rhyme scheme and wording. Nice verse, bro.

Nice collab, great to see a lot of topical talent in one thread.

Pz.

RTF: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-356821.html

[Jon]

thanks.. appreciated. will get to the link

[Gabriel]

Iv read seyances verse on his other OM.

Split
I liked your self analysis. Maybe not YOU but the point of looking at ourselves before we go head and cast down other people. Nothing to say much, it worked very well good word choice and rhyme scheme.

Jon
I can see that you were going for some sort of biblical references. 10 Commandments, golden rule, false gold idols, etc. After that you lose me. I couldn't grasp the total concept past us fucking up religion. I should just re-read it a 3rd time.

Chris
Ahh, the 1st murder. I like the repeated use of the religion, it really helps tie the piece together as a whole. All worked very well here. Your writing style works to your advantage if you tried to do 2 rhymes per line. Short lines but with enough spacing to include more internals. Not saying you lacked them or needed them, just about the only thing id say to 'work' on.

[Jon]

yup.. uppin

[Jon]

come on.. please?

[Judge Judy]

shit, didnt know it was this long , im wayyy too tired to grasp this right now, ill get to it though, no worries!

[H2O']

i'll edit this in within the next hour or so,
my apologies again, Jon.

[H2O']

First of all, i really enjoyed this peice.. And it is HoF worthy.. Keep droppin shit guys, i love to read you're art.
Check it out,

Evil was a seed when the dawn had came in
Turned to a weed cause they poorly placed it,
But strength showed it was more than basic
And became a tree when the morning faded.

I really liked this opener S, this shit was nice and smooth. I just like how you started this shit out, good use of vocab and imagiry. The image is stuck in my head so far.

So the 'Evolution of Evil' was orchestrated &..
Every single leaf glistened with morbid hatred,
Fruit so perfect everyone who saw it, waited
Wanting a bite to see how pure the taste is...
....Not knowing that the core was laced with
A poison of snakespit effectin' all who take it.
This is the start of Man's fall from greatness,
& Those who had tasted were all contagious...

Okay, so i this little stanza isn't to bad. I didnt think it was as hot as the first four lines, i felt towards the last couple bars you fell off a little. The rhyme scheme got a little simple. But the flow still stayed there, the structure is good... but you had a couple stretched line. Again though, nice imagiry.

God viewed these actions in pure amazement,
Perceptions now of a world, that war created
Seeing few.. who knew the cure was sacred..
With faith running through the water vapours.
But knowin that man would sure embrace it,
God churned out seas like it was automated
Cast his Disciples out to lure the faces..
Everyone from the rich to the poor & naked..

Good, real good. This last stanza in your part was hot. You kept the flow kid, and no stretched or shortend lines. The rhyme shceme is still a little simple, i would try and use multies throughout you're whole peice.. But i know thats hard. I like how you kept the big vocabulary, and you have a good sense for telling a story. The picture in my head is right there, and that makes this alot easier to read and go along. Good shit, S.

so the killer in me, is just the killer in you
no need to filter the truth, because the past is proof
we're killers in suits, with mute toungues, and no use
the abuse runs, check up on your daily news

This was hot man, good way to open up your part of the written. You keep the subject straight so far, but the flow is just sick. You're use of multies is nice, even though there could be a little more. Good choice of words . Creating good imagiry.

some refuse to accept it, but they're confused
my blueprints infused with evil, and their's is too
survival of the fittest, what exactly is evil to you?
where's the line between "it" and what people have to do?
I draw a groove in the sand where people do it for food
on the other side of the scoop, the people do it for fuel
it depends on the view, but it could be seen as a tool
as a way to escape the hardships our families endure
...we do what we must...
our souls are sick, needing something in which to trust
we kill off what we love, in turn - point the bullet at us

And... this was just sick too. I meen, you didnt get off subject - you stayed right there. And the imagiry is nice, i can picture this all.. And i agree with you too. The flow is just on point, you're all verse is just on point with the flow. On this second lil stanza you switched up the rhyme shceme, and that was nice too. Its not choppy at all, and there is no stretched lines.. But the rhyming isn't simple. You also have good use of multies. Nice shit Split.

A disease spawned from the brawn, the makeshift -
Gift from god, mixed with the evil taste of snake lips.
The color of the goods was basically temptation,
One unspoken wonder, proved to be god's creation.
The world continues it's venues, and mends them closer
While the youth tends to, lend a hand and defend the older
Time stops, remains frozen, & careful words are chosen
10 promises were made - only the truth was golden.

Short, but sweet. I wish you would have wrote a little more cause this was nice. I like you're way of talking about this.. And the vocaublary you use throughout. I see what you meen with the whole syllables thing.. And here you did it to a tee. The flow was hot, and no shit was choppy at all. The rhyme scheme was a little simple, i think though. You could have used more multies, but never the less.. This was still a good job on your part. Keep it on Jon.

With the taste of the tree on Adam and Eve’s lips,
they were kicked from the garden, but received bliss,
by sharing a deep kiss, under the moonlight.
They conceived kids & their love consumed fright,

Nice opener on your verse as well. the flow is there, and so far the image of what you're talking about is still stuck. I LOVE how i can just picture all this shit in my head, it makes the read so much nicer.

of their doomed life. So, ignoring that they’d soon die,
they looked to their two sons for knew life,
but a crude spite lived in Kane’s skin,
because Adam & Eve passed down the same sin
that still lingered on their tastebuds. . .
It produced Kane, the first time they made love.
God liked Able more, so evil started to wake up,
& it manifested in Kane, as rage, but
jealously is what keep his hatred feed,
& in a fit of anger, Kane took a rock to Able’s head.
The evil in his blood was the inventor of pain,
Killer: every living man descended from Kane...

This was just toooo hott. I meen, the imagiry is just awsome.. i really got this picture in my head as im going along.. And the flow on the stanza was sick too. You really have a good use of multies, but the rhyme scheme is straight. I meen, you really do have a good choice of words, which just makes this so much better. The closer was hot, i meen.. Real hot, i liked it alot. Good shit Chris, this was nice.

Overall - This was a real nice collab by Hence Forward in my opinion. All of you came out on top. The imagiry you guys put into these verses is just so nice, i can picture everything in my head the entire time.. And I LOVE IT, really a nice job. ON TOP OF THAT, you guys had good flow throughout. Here and there it tended to get a little choppy, only because of a stretched line or two.. But the use of multies was nice , and the rhyme shceme was either complex, or just mediocre. You're choice of words is nice, i like a written with some big vocabulary, keeps it intereting.. I dont feel like im reading a little kids book, you know? Anyway, great job guys. Keep this shit up freal.

Sorry i didnt get to this sooner Jon, family problems.
Keep it up.

pz.

[Born To Kill]

Very nice shit, people...

Best part about it was the flow...very creative...very concentrated on one scheme...being able to stick to it for so long was pretty impressive.

so the killer in me, is just the killer in you

That seemed a little Smashing Pumpkins to me...
Sure it's just a coincidence though.

Not thrilled with the content...I don't digs the biblical stories...
But I read it all the way through despite not digging the topic.
That says something.

Peace

[Jon]

thanks for feed H20, and BTK

uppin.

[BriK YeLLa]

daamn i must say i loved this piece and i hate everything, this the type of words put together so well in a story format hey i hope yall got this shit copywritten ....this the type of art put together that makes me think,,,im feelin this shit..

[Jon Dagel]

Seyence in my oppinion had a MASTERFUL rhymescheme. It flowed intencly. Thw wording was nice from all four of you and it seemed very well thought out. Like it just came naturally. Flow was fluently brilliant from Seyence and great from all others. Imagery was strong throughout the whole piece. Emotion was cool, but not great. I've seen stronger from all four of you. The piece is HoF. but it's been nominated already. Keep writing all of you, loved the piece. Hit up "Tissues of Issues" for me, it beat a HoF piece.

[Jon]

lol