Split - Jack Kerouac

[Split.]

maybe once
nah maybe twice
for this life that's got me takin flight
loose in the night
with sling shot momentum
I break through the suspension
if you get hurt along the way
it wasn't my intention
see, sometimes
I find myself driftin'
hopin and wishin
for something different
I get what I give it
realization sets and dawns
losin my grip
but it still seems that I can hold on
I think I'm makin progress
yes, this is for the best
renderin a cheat sheet
for life's little tests
I'm a neat freak
with a mess of a nest
this place is preparing me
for the rest of my quest
I confess and confide
mom I'm losin my mind
growin up ain't easy
but I believe it's about time
to be gettin it done
over livin' for fun
cultivating my garden
back beaten by the sun
I retreat and I run
from some of my closest friends
I don't wanna rub off on em
feelin' hopeless again
atrocious, intense
sick of the suspense
lookin to tomorrow
from a perspective of present tense
parents set the precedence?
well I'm lackin evidence
that my maniac mannerisms
derived of their negligence
bred of their excellence
no more severin the ties
was clever with the lies
like, after today
I'm never gettin high
again, well here we are again
my friend
same old hole
you're familiar with descendin in
similar sentiments I'm sure
dirty and unpure
combing the nation
for some semblance of a cure
my tours just begun
busy chasin the sun
findin new ways to appreciate
the breath in my lungs
I'll miss you tons girl,
we had ourselves a time
a moment or 9,
I'm not so good at goodbyes
and that's a real problem
cause I'm up and off when
I hear the road callin
how y'all been?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...sa-351439.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ps-351458.html

[ladyflow]

Damn I Like Dat
Dats A Hella Lot To Read But I Likes It

[S!CK]

Love ya audio. Don't know bout this.

[Split.]

^lol, anything that I ever post in OM is lyrics from some audio that I'm working on.. just gettin a feel for how the people feel about the subject matter of my next song. thanks though, man.

[×QueeN×eMCee×]

good use of vocab.. some lines were kinna random lol but overall it flowd good n lyrics werre nice, keep doin ya thing, PeaCe.

[Judge Judy]

ill edit this with feed tomorrow split..im too tired to grasp everything.

pz.

[Aristocrat]

I like how you incorporated vocabulary in here, havent read a piece from you in a good while either.... I paused, you kept writing, good job, it shows, i wanna hear the track tho, see if you can flow and ride a beat like you made this flow...., overall i like this piece though Split.


I'm back to it...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...s-tears-351482

[Tragedian.]

Nice first 4 lines for opening. That was pretty dope - the flow was perfect. But now for the whole piece lol. Your structre looked meh, but it was easy to read and the vocab fit in perfect. You seem to know how to make your pieces flow perfect off the tounge because the flow was great. Every word went so well with one that was next.

parents set the precedence?
well I'm lackin evidence

Pretty fucking dope, thats what I mean by flowing perfect. I cant wait to check this for audio, good shit man. Keep up. Pz.

[johnnyKnoxville]

Wasnt to impressed it was decent at best it looks like u put together words and lack meaning and shit

[Sugar Kane]

^^Yea that's exactly what I think, it's like you evolved the verse from the sentence before and you didn't really have a set purpose and something you were really trying to say. Although the rhyme scheme was dope I have no if this was gonna be audio like you said where the 1st, or 2nd verse starts or ends.

I'd suggest having a set goal before starting into something, otherwise you might just ramble on scribbling like Eminem in Rabbit Run.l

[Split.]

^maybe I should have described the back story for the piece... It's about my being, my nature.. I travel... alot. I move to a new town or city just about every six months.. it's about the feelings that go along with my vagabond lifestyle.. I'm constantly looking for something, but I've got no idea what it is.. While I was living in the town I was when I wrote this, I thought that maybe I'd found it, but still there was inner confliction.. I still felt the need to get up and go.. and I did.. I moved again last week. Hence the name of the piece.. "Jack Kerouac".. Ever read "On The Road"?
I don't write fictitiously very often.. this is just real shit. And I set out with a particular goal in mind when I wrote it.. read deeper.

[Split.]

up ......

[Zumiez]

I thought this was dope. Idk why but I thought this was really dope. I geuss cuz you didn't try to put all this complex vocab instead you just wrote a complex verse with simple vocab.

"like, after today
I'm never gettin high
again, well here we are again
my friend
same old hole
you're familiar with descendin in
similar sentiments I'm sure
dirty and unpure"

I like that part cuz it's relatable. I've told myself I'm never gona smoke again too haha.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-351703.html

Hit that^ up, thnx

[Split.]

^replied to all.. up.

[Twixn...]

from some of my closest friends
I don't wanna rub off on em

Skeet Skeet

anyway onto the real feed.

Fav Parts...

feelin' hopeless again
atrocious, intense
sick of the suspense
lookin to tomorrow
from a perspective of present tense
parents set the precedence?
well I'm lackin evidence
that my maniac mannerisms
derived of their negligence

my tours just begun
busy chasin the sun
findin new ways to appreciate
the breath in my lungs

This was sick man... really enjoyed the read, you really dwell into the Lyrics you write, which is dope, it helps people to get a sense of where you are coming from, you have a good general way of explaining things yet in ur own unique language that comes across dope...

I'll try to drop some more constructive shit in the morning... not too clear headed right now and gotta stay in the zone to write a poem lol goo shit man.