Chocolate Letter

[Axe.]

The taste spreads, through my taste buds
Til' the day we meet, and finally make love
Only phase one, has me dazed gone
Singing the same song, heart resembles napalms

Bursting with joy, smelling the sweet perfume of the note gives me energy
Pepper spices in silence I begin to read, thinking to myself we were mint to be
Opening statements, my soul was just racing putting on poker faces
It read "Dear Manny" from that point on; I knew the note was scared
I couldn't take a small dose of patience, so I continue to proof read
But the pirates couldn't get me excited, because I have enough booty
My loose knees, relaxed as I see cursive writing I submerge in silence
Tears running down already, trying to extinguish my burning eyelids
The next lines read "I know its been hard, but you gotta stay strong
Every night I pray for us, some of those prayers last a day long"
Here is where the napalm, plays a part in this great emotion flick
Because it explodes!, and every since you moved I've been motion sick
Now, the mood turns into milk chocolate, as I revise the document
As this opera script had me screaming, but wheres the common sense
So I stand at the sink washing my face, I've become impatient
The note showed so much emotion, but included no punctuations

I can't even read the rest
My heart's been beat to death
I need the sleep and rest
But, I feel I'll dream of this



I figure I can sleep it off, as I doze I grow weak and plea to god
Save me from these demons thoughts, no answer? is Jesus gone?
Took a day off, my love is sleeping with the enemy help me
Death touched her twice, and now she's feeling unhealthy
I'm on to the last paragraph, but this is something I have to tackle
This cerebral action, clinched my throat and burst my Adams apple
"Everday I look at our picture, such a divine little mixture
Symbolizing the day the Twix, fell in love with a Snickers
Those sweet chills send me the jitters, I wont be too bitter
But I know spending 100Grand wouldn't make you reconsider
As we live in the Milky Way, and star gaze into the stars
I warp back to Jupiter, after taking one bite into a Mars
Wonderful we were but its sad, I have to end it so early"
Now my proper nouns flop around, I thought she was my Hershey
So the Reese's that I took, was a Kit Kat breaking into strands
I developed Butterfingers, as I let the note slip through my hands
But what a long road it has been; so sad it had to end
Now that I look back, maybe chocolates isn't my best friend

It was good, while it lasted.

"Life is but a box of chocolates...
You never know what your going to get."

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...un-348476.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ox-348448.html

[×QueeN×eMCee×]

wow this was a very unique topic, itthere was some really sick lines, flow was hot.. and that quote at the end pulled it all together... Overall it was a very interesting topic to read, so nice work. PeaCe.

O and can u giv some feed on my little demon and silent storm songs?
if so thanks

PeaCe!

[Axe.]

Thanx alot for the feed much appreciated...Upp plz, I'll will return the feed.

[>>Yella<<]

fuck man you got this imagery type shit locked mate
complex yet it flows soo gud..and i just had a smoke im fuckin cravin chocolate now lol..

"Life is but a box of chocolates...
You never know what your going to get <<<<<ROLFAO

man keep postin this shit im feelin it ............1

[Messiah Kaeto]

Oh my word, this topic is one of immense originality. I thoroughly enjoyed this man, .. This part was my favoruite part by far, . .the flow, the technique, was all of an excellent quality:

I'm on to the last paragraph, but this is something I have to tackle
This cerebral action, clinched my throat and burst my Adams apple
"Everday I look at our picture, such a divine little mixture
Symbolizing the day the Twix, fell in love with a Snickers
Those sweet chills send me the jitters, I wont be too bitter
But I know spending 100Grand wouldn't make you reconsider

Sublime. Loving that!!

All in all, ..A really enjoyable piece man, I haven't really read any of your previous work, but will most definetely be keeping an eye out for any pieces in the future.

Keep on eductaing people.

Much respect.

Peace & God Bless.

[Axe.]

Thanks alot man, appreciate the feed...

[H.Notik]

Nice poetic drop Phade. I could imagine you reciting this in a poetry slam. Good use of multi's and even your spacing conveyed the inflection your voice would have if put in audio. The content was a plus as well. Meaningful topics written consicely, such as this one, can keep a readers interest. Props.

[DrUnK-N-MuNkY]

just like everybody else said the imagery was great,and the topic was highly original.You thought of sum good shit,and your flow was good.Poetic shit was nice mayne.

[LedgenZ]

This was just a beautiful symphony of words, magnificently orchestrated and composed to perfection! Your words danced hand and hand with your ideas as they waltzed across the page seamlessly floating in mid air. Also your flow was incredible, barely a syllable out of place. So it's a damn shame lack of feed this piece received, cause it definitely deserves to be admired by more that just a few eyes and replies. I'm mean the amount of creativity put forth here is a shining example of what separates good writers from great writers and dope writers from legendary ones! This was just extremely well written. So all in all ... you get an 8.99 out of a possible 10! Excellent job my dude!


Favorite Lines:

Because it explodes!, and every since you moved I've been motion sick
Now, the mood turns into milk chocolate, as I revise the document
As this opera script had me screaming, but wheres the common sense
So I stand at the sink washing my face, I've become impatient
The note showed so much emotion, but included no punctuations

^The wording in those 5 lines is what really made this section standout amongst a mountain of already dope rhymes. I just loved the motion line. It had that intangible imagery about it. I suppose you can say abstractness, but a lot more coherent and understandable than that! Really, I just thought it was freakin' dope! And as for the last 2 lines, well, the wording just set it off.



Again:

I'm on to the last paragraph, but this is something I have to tackle
This cerebral action, clinched my throat and burst my Adams apple

^LOL ...That's funny for some reason. And for some REASON unbeknownst to me, I fount it completely WOW(ish)! I guess I just like the way that it flowed off the tongue.



Also:

Everday I look at our picture, such a divine little mixture
Symbolizing the day the Twix, fell in love with a Snickers
Those sweet chills send me the jitters, I wont be too bitter
But I know spending 100Grand wouldn't make you reconsider
As we live in the Milky Way, and star gaze into the stars
I warp back to Jupiter, after taking one bite into a Mars

^I think the last line would have come across better if you would have taking out the "a" in "bite in [a] Mar", but for what it was, it was still hella tight and creative. So too was the "sweet as candy" wordplay you had running wild in this passage. Seriously, dude the shit was so sweet (no homo) I caught a toothache just reading it!



Finally:

Now my proper nouns flop around, I thought she was my Hershey
So the Reese's that I took, was a Kit Kat breaking into strands
I developed Butterfingers, as I let the note slip through my hands

^Once again -- dope rhymes, dopper wordplay!



All in all this shit had me hooked. I feel a suger rush coming on man!


Anyway, stay up!



pZ

[Plexus]

Ive read this before and meant to leave feed but It slipped my mind lol...

Anyway this was great man. Very worthy of OM of the Week. The originality in the topic was terrific alone. And the way you tied your message and chocalots to your topic was beautiful. The emotion stood out intensly throughout the piece.

I couldn't take a small dose of patience, so I continue to proof read
But the pirates couldn't get me excited, because I have enough booty
My loose knees, relaxed as I see cursive writing I submerge in silence
Tears running down already, trying to extinguish my burning eyelids
The next lines read "I know its been hard, but you gotta stay strong
Every night I pray for us, some of those prayers last a day long"

^^Just very well written. And very well job of capturing the readers attention. From beginning to end which is most important. The imagry was very good as well..though i felt could have been a little better was nothing short of good..The tie in of chocalot names was a damn good idea. Ive seen it on a keychain before but in a different way then this.

Nonetheless this piece was VERY well thought out and written. Definetly OM of the Week worthy..Damn good job man..

hit this for me..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...in-349784.html

[ExPlizitLyricisT]

I figure I can sleep it off, as I doze I grow weak and plea to god
Save me from these demons thoughts, no answer? is Jesus gone?
Took a day off, my love is sleeping with the enemy help me
Death touched her twice, and now she's feeling unhealthy
I'm on to the last paragraph, but this is something I have to tackle
This cerebral action, clinched my throat and burst my Adams apple


Very Hot right here put it together very well, liked the metaphores shit was mad hot, keep that shit popping!!!

[Axe.]

Thanks alot to all, appreciated..and M. I'll hit that link up ASAP.

[ExPlizitLyricisT]

I figure I can sleep it off, as I doze I grow weak and plea to god
Save me from these demons thoughts, no answer? is Jesus gone?
Took a day off, my love is sleeping with the enemy help me
Death touched her twice, and now she's feeling unhealthy
I'm on to the last paragraph, but this is something I have to tackle
This cerebral action, clinched my throat and burst my Adams apple


Very Hot right here put it together very well, liked the metaphores shit was mad hot, keep that shit popping!!!

[Pahzest]

pretty good manggg

i like the topic and the originality of the piece. good flows and structure....
the opener got my attention, thats what i like

keep it up

[NiNjah Red]

ha sweet wordplay - litreraly.....


i like these lines a lot-

My loose knees, relaxed as I see cursive writing I submerge in silence
Tears running down already, trying to extinguish my burning eyelids

all in all was real original piece, poetry use and imagination was evident, and all seemed to flow quite well, was sure an entertaining read..
i like what you done here with this works fe'sho, imagery was of course well done
had plenty of humourous quotes as well, so i liked that
and the wordplay was interesting

nice
peac