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Thread: Beloved Desire

  1. September 19th, 2007, 12:17 AM #1
    Plexus
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    Beloved Desire

    The tint in the room hides a hint she presumes
    In which I assume she was meant to read soon


    Indeed do...


    My wife's few, put up with my penny cents stay
    Where I was sued, for stalking my innocent prey
    I had plead against Dre, Natashia, and Alanna
    They plead back, for what was left of their honor
    From a step-father?, well I was suppose to be
    In hopes of me, since their father jumped out his tree
    Indoubtedly I failed, sought out to feed my hunger
    I studderd, and ended Myself upon these here bunkers


    She Udders...


    In a screamingly fashion as I penetrate inside her
    Beside her lay her sister, watching an intranced fire
    With inhanced hire, I just knew she was excited
    Intense delight upon her face shows she couldnt hide it
    Nor confide it, Ive never heard bloody screams of such
    One 8 & one 6 year old, had unloaded in too much
    And bestowed in me much trust, and now its time to learn
    So roll over hunny, Hey Allana, It's your turn


    She Yurns...


    Begs me to stop, says if I love them I'll quit
    Shit she's only an 8 yr old, Nothing you says legit
    She tries to throw a fit, in which I easily handled
    dismantled this little girl, with the curess of a candle
    Her plans fooled, as she gets the next deep thrashing
    I cant help but think, Why the fuck am I laughing
    Anyway, I made her roll to her knees, in doggystyle
    Told her, "Yes like real puppies, but this may hurt awhile"


    In Denial...


    The fantasies never leave, they haunt every sexual thought
    Im even thinking of it now as Im bent over Bubba Ray's Cock


    links:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ds-348215.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-348697.html
    Last edited by Plexus; September 19th, 2007 at 05:03 PM
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  2. September 19th, 2007, 09:35 AM #2
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    uppity please
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  3. September 19th, 2007, 10:53 AM #3
    koolah
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    this was a sick drop,
    flow was smooth, concept decent but u made it good,
    you grab my attention quickly and was focus on the entier verse good job.

    the concept of this was sick as in nasty to think of
    but the fact u exsitcuted so well made it a good read.

    9.5 outta 10

    wtf in my open mic.

    it aint as good but something off the top of my head real quick.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-348697.html

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  4. September 19th, 2007, 11:21 AM #4
    Murda Mac
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    Thumbs up Re: Beloved Desire

    That's some deep shit, I like the whole strucutrue of this work.
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  5. September 19th, 2007, 04:57 PM #5
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    uhhh ythanks

    up
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  6. September 20th, 2007, 03:41 AM #6
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    uppin again
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  7. September 20th, 2007, 11:08 AM #7
    H.Notik
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    This was nicely done. Seriously. The imagery captured was emotive, emotional and vivid. The direction you took the topic was intriguing, ending was tragic, but befitting.
    Last edited by H.Notik; September 20th, 2007 at 04:40 PM
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  8. September 20th, 2007, 04:39 PM #8
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    damn sleepers
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  9. September 21st, 2007, 12:13 AM #9
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    ^^word
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  10. September 21st, 2007, 04:51 PM #10
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    ^^worded again...

    damn wheres the feed?
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  11. September 21st, 2007, 06:09 PM #11
    million dollar man
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    Yo the whole peice was smooth, and flowed perfectly. Not too many people can pull this off, but you did with flying colours. I loved the intro, it flowed so perfect. Imagery was off the chain. The ending was probably the illest part in my opinion. You could of worked on the multi's and vocab just a LITTLE bit more to get it a 10/10.
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  12. September 21st, 2007, 08:43 PM #12
    C.Wrighter
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    this was a good piece you can tell if you flip though open mic threads i haven't left feed on alot of people's...but this one i couldnt help but tell you this was a good piece from start to finish... i loved the way you used your words to..again good piece

    And check out my new song please and drop feed

    Heres the link

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...tf-348480.html

    Not Another... See Right, Writer, C.W Line
    More Played then Ever..

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  13. September 22nd, 2007, 02:11 AM #13
    AngelHaze
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    though this was disgusting...
    it was the best read in a while for me
    the imagery was vivid i could actually imagine a damn
    pervert molesting two little girls.
    your vocab was straight nothing major though it didnt need to be
    i really liked how you transitioned....
    over all this was a dope drop ....
    youd prolly get a 9.6/10
    points deducted for perversion lol jk...
    dope though
    Last edited by AngelHaze; September 22nd, 2007 at 02:14 AM Reason: font...
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  14. September 22nd, 2007, 07:07 AM #14
    Baron Mynd
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    Hell yeah, this is what im talking about...

    Probably one of my favourite reads since touching back down here.
    The scheme used is illy, feeling that a lot. From experience, its hard to maintain that balance between the mechanics and holding the readers interest, I think you did well here, but theres still some way to go. That said, you're one of the closest to it ive seen on this board thus far...

    All im all a tight piece my man. Keep that pen moving...

    WORD P e r f e c t !

    RESERVOIR GODS


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  15. September 23rd, 2007, 11:33 PM #15
    Plexus
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    Re: Beloved Desire

    damn i appreciate it yall
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