The Horseman

[Erupt]

The Horseman

An outlaw since day one my mother gave birth on the run..
..my world had begun I was spurned and learned the worth of a gun
I've killed the worthless in fun, burned down saloons in the moonlight
Gambled all night, met at high noon drinking moonshine
I take what I desire first, a higher worth....
...makes you perspire worse, I've emptied more chambers that Wyatt Earp
Crossed the frontier feeling risk from no other..
...sipping whisky, jet black holster and a silver revolver
I'll carve my name in your chest, my fame remains as a testament
Posters all round the west coz of blood I've spilt next to them
I delight at the pain... insane I gave my life to Satan
Cut a cactus for liquid and smoked a pipe with a shaman
I shoot up farmers who raise crops, I'm the one who keeps graves topped
A bank job's just an excuse for me to shoot someones face off
I'll kill our whole race off, leave vultures feeding on corpses
When I ride through your town... people start leaving their porches
I breathe in death till I'm naucious forced to caress the dispair
And whenever you see a sunset, my silhouette will be there
Inside I'm in pain, I take pride in the strain...
...that I'm under till I wonder if I'm riding again... the horseman




Edit: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ss-342716.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ay-342833.html

[Born To Kill]

"So I looked, and behold, a pale horse. And the name of him who sat on it was Death, and Hell followed with him." (Rev. 6: 8)

The Pale Horse means the understanding of the word destroyed because of an evil life and false beliefs. The pale colour symbolises what is lifeless and dead. Death means spiritual damnation.

I didn't write that ^^^

But it's very fitting considering how your character lives...

Very, very dope shit, Comster.

Great flow...awesome story...solid vocab...

Great visuals...that's the best thing about it.

Clint Eastwood Serial Killer...
The Man With No Name.

Peace

[Witty]

No Links.....PM me with them, and I'll re-open this

-Closed

[Chris Black]

Opened.

Witness, the rules give you 24 hours to get links.

[Tony B]

"people start leaving their porches"

^^^that's all i would change really. the flow on this was nearly perfect at the beginning. somewhere in the middle fell off a bit but picked it back up again quickly.

"n outlaw since day one my mother gave birth on the run..
..my world had begun I was spurned and learned the worth of a gun
I've killed the worthless in fun, burned down saloons in the moonlight
Gambled all night, met at high noon drinking moonshine
I take what I desire first, a higher worth....
...makes you perspire worse, I've emptied more chambers that Wyatt Earp
Crossed the frontier feeling risk from no other..
...sipping whisky, jet black holster and a silver revolver"

loved this....seriously your wording is amazing. i'm surprised more ppl on this site don't take concepts such as these into consideration. sure being deep and emotional is fine but i could enjoy something like this just as much as anything else. good shiznit here....

[traggik]

yo, i was fealing the whole concept.
this was a realy good story.
it stayed on topic the whole time.
this was a very good drop son.peace

[Erupt]

thank you very much for the feedback guys, and witness,chris I'll get to them links today

[Erupt]

upping for feed

[Paramik]

The Topic you were tryin to writing on was decent but i feel you werent getting the best of what you can write. that just in my opinion though it is a real good peice but when i read it i was like nah COM can do better you had a straiht flow and the rhyme sheme was good. I think ` or lines line might have looked force though. the emotion was good but i feel you can put more especially in the begingign . the imagery was good though and it kept mereading. the multis were alright you had some and it made the flw flow much better
so overall this was a decent peice but i thnk you can write better.
p.s.
reponse to my OM
hell no im not depressed it was just somethin I wrote. lets say I can string words together to show emotion that it makes it look im really depressed but no im not im happy as a bitch. and i dont smoke weed everyday.. just like 3-4 times a week....

[Maven.]

This reminded me of that character from the Preacher comics...

Anyways, this was a cool little verse. I was feeling it the whole way through...
It kinda bugged me that you waited until the second last line to show a shard of humanity in the character. Would have been cool if there had been some explanation as to why he's such a badass douche. Mechanics were tight, it was fun to read.

Nice work.

[Erupt]

uppin for feed

[Erupt]

bump, bumpbump

[Messiah.]

Very dope piece here my man. I have to say i liked it alot. You had some good detail in here, your descriptions were very nice thought. I could imagine what you were describing in this piece. The emotion was raw in this piece man, you took a good take on the topic and went down there and never looked back and i thought it flowed so well, ther ewere places were it fell off but nothing major man. Overall a good drop.

-Thomas.

[LedgenZ]

Man I remember when I use to write piece like this.....its been a while though, but this verse might actually inspire to start again. Anyways this shit was dope! Very fun read...loved every inch of it! I tried my best to pick bits and pieces that I liked best...but to no avail...the entire verse was just that good. So good that I'd have to quote it all -- top to bottom. The imagery was just dope...and the tone it was written in was just so nonchalant...which gave the character such a "I don't give a fuck" type of vibe...like yeah I'm a murderious-low-down- 2-bit-bank-robbing-cattle-stealin'-wisky-drinkin'-card-cheatin'-wife-beatin'-curse-word-swearin'-no-yellow-belly-have'n-son-of-a-bitch...named "Fuck You" lol.....this shits getting nominated for HOF!


pZ

[Erupt]

thank you very much indeed its really appreciated