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Thread: do what you feel is write.

  1. #1
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    do what you feel is write.

    A professor's preparing a lesson, engrossed in his work,
    He stares at a question
    and rewords it to confuse the world; his face glows with a smirk.
    daring, in essence, his students for the question's solution
    but judging by his expression, each gave a guess of confusion-
    Because his question questions questions, to assess their importance
    Students face's contored, attempts to impress him were thwarted
    He asks, "what is the purpose of life", and opinions bend on the savior.
    And somewhere, an answer is given, by a pen touching paper

    .
    .

    He brushes the dust off his page, needing no excuses to think
    His favorite part, how pen kisses page, producing the ink
    And as it kisses, it symbolizes a relationship made
    Where knowledge remained long after patience would fade
    a few scratches were present, from when the pen tip was dry
    Showing how a closed mind went about waving sentences by
    his attention applied, he began focusing imagination & wrote
    "Nothing is definite. Therefore, this is a dangerous quote".
    the artist in him is thriving, surviving without compensation
    A strange being, concerned people would ask about his foundation
    He was no socrates, but would reply philosophically,
    "The purpose of life is to do what you feel is write."
    they'd appeal because they didn't feel this shed a great deal of light
    so while ignoring the truths they got from their physical books
    He'd inquire what they thought life's about, with a quizzical look
    their replies were varied and complex, his candid and plain
    they fancied themselves intellectuals; he, a man with a name
    So he turns back to his paper, where fortune was wrought
    Considering all he has learned, he began forging a thought

    and it went something like this...

    A professor's preparing a lesson, engrossed in his work,
    He stares at a question
    and rewords it to confuse the world; his face glows with a smirk.
    daring, in essence, his students for the question's solution
    but judging by his expression, each gave a guess of confusion-
    Because his question questions questions, to assess their importance
    Students face's contored, attempts to impress him were thwarted
    He asks, "what is the purpose of life", and opinions bend on the savior.
    And somewhere, an answer is given, by a pen touching paper

    .
    .

    He brushes the dust off his page, needing no excuses to think
    His favorite part, how pen kisses page, producing the ink
    And as it kisses, it symbolizes a relationship made
    Where knowledge remained long after patience would fade
    a few scratches were present, from when the pen tip was dry
    Showing how a closed mind went about waving sentences by
    his attention applied, he began focusing imagination & wrote
    "Nothing is definite. Therefore, this is a dangerous quote".
    the artist in him is thriving, surviving without compensation
    A strange being, concerned people would ask about his foundation
    He was no socrates, but would reply philosophically,
    "The purpose of life is to do what you feel is write."
    they'd appeal because they didn't feel this shed a great deal of light
    so while ignoring the truths they got from their physical books
    He'd inquire what they thought life's about, with a quizzical look
    their replies were varied and complex, his candid and plain
    they fancied themselves intellectuals; he, a man with a name
    So he turns back to his paper, where fortune was wrought
    Considered all he has learned, and began forging a thought

  2. #2
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    I dont get why people read but then don't reply. I could care less about how many replies I get, but it doesn't make any sense to me. every time I read a piece, I reply. if I dont feel like leaving feed I at least drop a line letting them know I read & enjoyed

  3. #3
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    2 links plz Feebs

    *Runs away*

    Liked the opening few lines, cuz I'm in college and I can see some of my professors pondering over test and essay questions making them harder just to be mean, "contored" should be contort or contoured. Best lines in this were

    Quote Originally Posted by Feeble
    a few scratches were present, from when the pen tip was dry
    Showing how a closed mind went about waving sentences by
    A wonderful metaphor and, especially for me, great imagery of a blank imprint on a page

    Moving on, I like the idea of this Feeble, the set up and carry out was well done, Felt as though a few of your lines were too loaded with words and your syllable count was a bit sporadic which made some lines awkward to read, your wording was good I thought and I liked the internal rhyming, as for the ending I liked the idea, but It didn't fit perfectly for me just because what you wrote wasn't really in writing format and didn't seem like something someone would write about themselves and/or to themselves. Unless the second stanza is by one of the prof's by a students. Which makes a bit more sense but you should have made it more clear instead of starting it with He, cuz then we as the reader assume it is still the Professor you are talking about, Unless thats what you were going for. But yeah anyway, it reminded me of that Lamb Chop song that never ends. nice to see you dropping again.
    Anywhoo

    this could be one of your links
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-339913.html
    A few achievements here and there

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  4. #4
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    Come on feeble, i know you know how to read rules and follow them. Set a good example for the herbs and pm me to 2 links you've replied to with decent feedback and i'll reopen this.

    Closed.

    SS League Record 31-8
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    14 x OM HoF



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  5. #5
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    i've replied to like 8 pieces and only written two of my own. pwnsauce yourself.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ws-339424.html

  6. #6
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    Feeble. this shit was nice.. flow and imagery were there, rhyme scheme was better then most work of yours. the best peice i've ever seen you write.The Emotion and wordplay was nice. The Creativty could been better. But it was a nice read. All around nice peice right here.

    RTF with my peice "Memory".

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  7. #7
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    people are not giving you feedback because the piece is to long for them and people are lazy to read it. I am glad i get to see a completed piece from you but i think that you got a little bored again in the end because you could see it drop down. I also wanted to let you know you pulled off the concept perfectly though so that is the plus said of it. Your flow was good and kept it mello. I also think this was very unique so i am nominating it for HOF because it was fuckin dope ending and i like shit like that so props peep mine if you can i tried a new style

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...an-339959.html

  8. #8
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    Very Nice piece here Feeble. I liked your vocab, structure, flow, story, everything on there and perfect. The only thing, which I agree with Tim, is that you could tell by the end of the piece slightly that you got bored or something,lol. Very nice piece here Feeble. I think you did an excellent job. And it was a good concept to take, and to have the question be the story you told, very original and fresh to read

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  9. #9
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    how is the piece too long ? It's under 30 lines long... lol

  10. #10
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    up...

  11. #11

    Re: do what you feel is write.

    yo this is tight homie
    real talk
    this is some tight shit

    check out mine
    finna gte wrekless

  12. #12
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    Some advice that you should follow if you ever come back to this site:

    1) Read the rules
    2) Find out who the respected members are of any site you are on, and find out why they are respected. Normally it's because they do things that a new members wouldn't. In your case, this means giving feedback which doesn't look like you came into a thread and dropped a few words in hopes that your piece would get real replies.
    3) If you didn't catch what I just said, I'm explaining that you got banned because you gave insignificant feedback that didn't "display knowledge that only a reader could know of the piece". Read the rules.

    Holla.

  13. #13
    Abraxas
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    Lol ^
    You really don't drop much peices in the Om but when you do I always geta chance to read it. This was really deep.
    Well first of all I liked the title cause this matched well with your peices.
    Anybody can make a shitty title and write something good but yours is a good ones.
    It's really deep in a sense that you showed what you were writing and the proffesor-you showing that your so deeply in your work to do what its right.
    I can see why you posted your work again as a quote which give it a deep meaning in an unusual way but a good way.
    So overall a mice peice. Maybe Hof for this month but not quite. the structure and visual imagery was good.
    Good writings.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ik-340140.html
    thats if you can.
    Percept Shun

  14. #14
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    Haha. YOUR PIECE IS AN ENDLESS CIRCLE FROM WHICH I CANNOT ESCAPE!

    No, but for real, it was cool. You had a few weird spots where your rhymescheme momentarily changed (the socrates line, for one)...and at the beginning of the second section, you rhyme the word page with page...and I guess it technically rhymes with itself...in fact, nothing rhymes better than a word where all the sounds are the same...but still. You catch my drift.
    I feel like I was just chilling in your philosophy class asking questions that question questions on this one. Coolness.
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

  15. #15
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Re: do what you feel is write.

    First off, bravo on being pissed about the bad feed, you should be, and again with the views and non-replys, that shit is just so weird. I never look at anything if I don't think I'll put the time in to read it and give feedback. And why would you read it and not give feed, read, it's fuckin rude.

    On to the piece, the rhymeschemes were really solid, man, very well done and you never really "mailed 'em in" so to speak, if you're familiar with the sports term... you thought it all out and it was apparent. The feel of it is really up my alley, personally, because I'm a philosophy student and think myself an intellectual, and it is always important I think to really self-examine and remember you don't have the answers, you might have some, but even then, can you ever know you're on the right side? That's the shit I was thinking as I read your piece, ya know, it was just the kind of thing I wanted to read before I wrote something tonight, so I appreciate that, dude.

    Nice thought provoker, I really got no complaints I was legitimately impressed by a lot of this.

    A professor's preparing a lesson, engrossed in his work,
    He stares at a question
    and rewords it to confuse the world; his face glows with a smirk.
    daring, in essence, his students for the question's solution
    but judging by his expression, each gave a guess of confusion-
    That opener, like, guaranteed I was gonna read the whole thing. The flow of it was pretty much perfect, and it made a really strong point that wasn't any way abstract, you were really able to put it how you wanted to with a strong rhythm and I was immediately impressed.

    so while ignoring the truths they got from their physical books
    He'd inquire what they thought life's about, with a quizzical look
    their replies were varied and complex, his candid and plain
    they fancied themselves intellectuals; he, a man with a name
    That was my favorite... though the beginning of this same stanza is tight as shit too, how you describe the written word as lasting long after patience.. such an awesome way to put it...

    Personally, this is my favorite I've read from you. Bravo. I got no RTF request yet, LoL, but I'm doing some topical battles so look out for that or something if u wanna hit some of my stuff up. Thx for voting on the WIM finals.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


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