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Thread: Fast Lane

  1. November 22nd, 2006, 10:14 AM #1
    Hood Star
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    Fast Lane



    [Hook]
    I know im out on the streets doin bad thangs
    But if i get wit u then u gon see some fast change
    Im just a young'n livin life in the fast lane
    But we should get together we can do the damn thang
    So c'mon c'mon what you wanna do?
    c'mon c'mon what you gonna do?
    make your decision cuz i been waitin so long
    i can put hustlin aside to make our love strong

    [verse 1]
    Ride wit me in the fast lane cruise on the highway
    Take time out and try to see things my way
    Maybe we should try it out we can see how thangs go
    I wanna make you and the streets happy thats my main goal
    I'm on the block tryin to get rid of every brick
    U under the sheets thinkin of me, worried sick
    It's gon be hard to do it but we can make it happen
    I'm jugglin you and hustlin wantin satisfaction
    The same thang thats hurtin u is helpin us keep livin
    It got u sick to the stomach but it keep food in the kitchen
    I'm just a hustla makin moves in the kitchen
    Im multiplyin money but wit me and you it's division
    U tellin me to put my foot on the brakes
    But if i put on the brakes then my life is at stake
    And when I'm grindin i be missin my girl
    I so sick of riskin my life and riskin my girl

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  2. November 22nd, 2006, 10:21 AM #2
    Hood Star
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    Re: Fast Lane

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...46#post5307046

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315755

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  3. November 22nd, 2006, 12:08 PM #3
    Ascend
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    Re: Fast Lane

    To be honest, I kinda wasn't feelin' this man. Actually, it was kinda crappy. Structure and flow, imagery and everything needed work. Vocab. wasn't really present. The hook sucked. =\. You need to work on your Vocab. and try to put some multi's into your next piece. The "I do drugs to make a living thing" is kinda played out, esp. with bad wordplay. Try to write on a more realistic topic and add some emotion into your pieces. Also, try to stray away from those 'It', 'shit', 'hit', 'lit' -like simple ass rhyming words especially without multi's or internals to support 'em. Elevate and keep writing.
    -Insert Sig-


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  4. November 22nd, 2006, 12:20 PM #4
    Mayor
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    Re: Fast Lane

    It got u sick to the stomach but it keep food in the kitchen
    I'm just a hustla makin moves in the kitchen
    Im multiplyin money but wit me and you it's division
    Nice, I understand that type of struggle, but are you really living like this? Or this is for show? Just make sure everything come real .
    Alot of industry nigga's boost'n that thug life hype and not really doing it .

    Nice drop keep ya verses tight and straight to the point like that one


    100
    .Different toilet.


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    .. .Same shit .. .
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  5. November 22nd, 2006, 02:06 PM #5
    Hood Star
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    Re: Fast Lane

    iight, thanx for the feedback.

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  6. November 23rd, 2006, 08:11 AM #6
    BoyScoutCookies
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    Re: Fast Lane

    If you read it with a beat in ur head it comes off pretty tight. I dig the struggle, but let's hope you aint in that. But i like it and yeah that one piece that dude quoted was pretty tight. You ever need an extra verse on it, holla at me.
    THE CRACKHOUSE
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    VOTE ON MY BATTLE vs. BLITZ: (PLEASE VOTE!!)
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    VOTE ON MY BATTLE vs. RED HOOKS (a slaughter but i dont know HOW he got a vote)

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  7. November 23rd, 2006, 10:03 AM #7
    Hood Star
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    Re: Fast Lane

    ^^^ fa sho, ill holla at you. thanx for the feedback dog.

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  8. November 23rd, 2006, 11:40 AM #8
    D. Josey
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    Re: Fast Lane

    This was really more suited for audio. They were lyrics, not like a story format. If I were you, I would've posted an audio link along with this because it would've made it that much better. This was alright for an OM, just distinguish it better next time man, alright.

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  9. November 23rd, 2006, 05:33 PM #9
    Relli_Mak
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    Re: Fast Lane

    This was okay, this was the first piece that I seen had a hook before the flow, so that was good creative wise, but the vocab in this was pretty basic, nothing extravagant..the structure was okay, needs work though..overall, I'll give this piece a C+..with room for elevation..just make the concept more interesting..
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  10. November 23rd, 2006, 06:58 PM #10
    Don Q
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    Re: Fast Lane

    yo....the shit was alright but on here you will need to elevate to get respect. be topical. its okay to make love songs but have some complexity in them, have some metaphors in the structure, and most important, do it straight from the heart, you feel me? it was good starting off from you, but its only a 5 out of 10 from my opinion. go read some open mic reads to see what I'm talkin bout.
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.
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  11. November 24th, 2006, 09:18 AM #11
    SENIOR AUTOMOTIV
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    Re: Fast Lane

    fast lane was live!! i understand ur struggle went from selling drugs to an apprentice becoming a mechanic.....and we have the lamborghini replicas check it out www.thefiberglassworkshop.com,,,,thats me and my dads business holla if u want a fast lane remix
    SENIOR AUTOMOTIVES!!!!!!!!!
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  12. November 25th, 2006, 12:38 PM #12
    Hood Star
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    Re: Fast Lane

    thanx for the feed my niggas.

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  13. November 25th, 2006, 01:07 PM #13
    Pilot To Gunner
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    Re: Fast Lane

    I wasnt really feeling this.. Theres just something about the way these piece sound when I read them that I really dont like.. You had some good multies though.. & a decent rhyme scheme..
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