"The Discontinuation: Smile" ft. Mindless

[Atti]

Regular - Myself
Itallics - Mindless

Black tar asphyxiation giggles in the womb
Of tomorrow's saplings before yesteryear
Conquered the art to mind the sodomized.
Concrete reverence drowning in constituents.
I arranged marriages and tangled veins
within the reigns forced into the mouths
of handmaids chomping at the bit of crumbs;
flirting with a crown full of sympathies
ruled by stolen jewels to dull the imagery.

Your bane is eternally inbred beyond
The yokes and minnows of this shallow gene pool.
Sedative motion, mind that heaven's
Only short two few contusions away.
The braille's perpetually abstract emphysema
Invokes the lungs of theories aborted.
Coloured in transiet blood, the grotesque
Paint the town red singing that of the hung.

Suffocate the abacus with patternless fingers,
The count to cadaver needs a trilingual origin.
Melted mannequins finger paint the obese
Notion of manic upon the obscure diligence, of non.
Clean your green thumb and bleed over
the pitfall of another plum like Autumn.

This epitaph is my pinnacle; first conscious
Battalion of self to ever elate gray footsteps
Across the opaque snarls of malignant staffs.
Effort sequestered for the sake of flooding rivers,
My epitome is a bastard, and she's beginning
To coagulate in the zeal of 25's ignorance.
She had a lust for dusk after the Sun
had a miscarriage and recieved glamorous
allure to assure the conglomerate that
their cancerous degenerates had raised
Hades into a child who became conscious.

Metal contemplates the brevity of shrapnel...
Oh well, this passion was a waste to begin with;
Embrace the discontinuation: Smile.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290654
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290085

Abst.Co

[LedgenZ]

Man ... I think you guys broke my brain. lol

Alright......Lets see

Hmmmmm? Well...I not going to even pretend like I know what the hell I just read. Because honestly I think you two space cadets just went way over my head. Reading this topic was like listening to an Aesop Rock track...you might not know what fuck is going on, but you do know whatever it is - its ill. Seriously...the craftiness of the words were enough to suggest excellence.


Just check this out:

Suffocate the abacus with patternless fingers,
The count to cadaver needs a trilingual origin.

Wow..just the first line along was incredible..thats not even wordplay, thats something else.

And peep this from Mindless:

flirting with a crown full of sympathies
ruled by stolen jewels to dull the imagery.

^Thats like Professor X status...pure poetry..sickning.

Theres nothing else to say.. I feel like doing spaceship algebra after reading this piece. Time to step my intellect up...for real!

[Automatic.]

damn guys, this shit was mad deep. a bunch of fuckin metaphors here that made me re-read it over and over till i got a meaning of it. vocab and flow was crazy too.

flirting with a crown full of sympathies
ruled by stolen jewels to dull the imagery.

that was dope man, mad creative. both of u need to keep this shit up. major props.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291054

[Jawn Raw]

Very complex, First of all....

Myself..
You have an insane vocabulary, some of that shit I don't know. Your gonna have to start writtin more like that each week so I can use some of your words for my vocab list in english class. lol your imagery is very complex as well, you have to go deep into the lyrics.

Mindless
You have a more of a rap style of writting, but it's as well more poetical. Your vocab is as well pretty complex, not as much as myself but you know your shit. Your imagery is very nice, I could understand your verse a lot easier due to not filling it with all these complex words.

overall, I like this OM. Nice job yall.

Mindless could you hit some feed on my new track?
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291715

[Big C.]

yo i liked diss...really tight..complexity was definately here and that was dope.
tight flow throughout.rhymes were tight. vocab was dope.
overall this was a tight peice by you guys for real.
keep it up.peace~

["lil Neefy"]

Holy Ball sack and a half. Atti when you told me this was a quickie collab, I did not expect this. If you guys do this stuff quick, I could only imagine what happens when you do big pieces nowadays.

Atti - Your vocab alone here was a-fucking-mazing. Every word fit in where it was, some of it was a bit too complex for my young mind but still it fit, and it all just came together. The metaphors in here were absolutely mind Boggling. My favorite line was...... "The yokes and minnows of this shallow gene pool." That line alone is great. Don't ask me why I liked that single line but I did. And being a freeverse writer myself I especially loved that particular part of the piece. The only thing that I have to critique about this, and don't take this personally because its more of a personal problem of mine than a writing problem of yours, but it is the intensly vivid vocabulary. Most people who read this won't be able to grasp the whole idea of your piece, but never the less it was still great.

Mind - You also never fail to impress me. Even though you only had a small fraction of lines compared to Atti, you still had great vocabulary, imagery and metaphors in your piece. Let me pick out a line of yours that I really liked............... "I arranged marriages and tangled veins
within the reigns forced into the mouths" technically 2 lines but still those 2 lines were straight imagery and actually made me think about how my mouth works (lol). I can't really say much more about this, you work here was flawless and I liked equally as much as Atti's part.

Both you guys keep writing and maybe I can sneak in on a collab with you two some day.

- 1 Love.

[B layz E]

i like the way its complex but idk mad people are just too stupid to even bother tryin to cypher through it so try usin somethin that wuld hook people in more at least in the beginning...1.

[Atti]

People already know both of us and our writing styles, typically our stuff is more low key than this... We just were playing with something different. Thank you everyone for all the feedback.

[P. Mortuus]

Atticus you've used a higher range of vocabulary than your last piece, i'm sure, but that has ot affected your style, It's predominantly there and very noticable. Midless your style seems much more melodic and flowing, rap style. The whole thing seems like an abstract imagery or more aptly put a piece of abstract art. I enjoyed reading it only because of the literal content. Very good OM, keep Droppin'

Would preciate it if you both or atleast one of you can leave comments on this om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292317

[Express'on]

I thought that the metaphors did this piece justice though at times the poem is too complex...let me explain as a writter u want to allow the reader a chance to grasp the overall topic, though personally I think u strayed from the central theme throughout most of the poem which undercuts the sophisticated tone of the whole poem...I think that the poem ran so far off subject at times that it made the poem almost unable to be evaluated with full sufficency...the vocab was sick and when I looked up most of the words they have so many different ways to interpret them, so even your vocab was perplexing. ANyways I think u have a lot of skill more than me definetly but I think that as a writer u still have to be able to write according to your audience and I think that this poem is too advance for the average reader, but too sloppy and unorganized for the average professor so I think u have to make a few changes but overall it is still very good...

this is my favorite part personally

"She had a lust for dusk after the Sun
had a miscarriage and recieved glamorous
allure to assure the conglomerate that
their cancerous degenerates had raised
Hades into a child who became conscious."

I liked this I dont know why but it is nice and I think that u have some incredible skill and I think that with more practice I think that u will be an amazing poet if u either step down your game or elevate it even a little

[Atti]

Well, the content is advanced in an attempt to push the reader, whether they alow that to happen, or they simply give up on the piece is their problem. Like I said, typically nothing either of us right is this complex in both content and vocabualry. The concept was simply to play within the bounds of obscurity and use the abstract as a tool to vaguely depict a downfall of sorts. So the piece had no strictly definable storyline or anything, we felt that would lend to the complexity of the vocab and therfor alow every aspect of the piece to mirror the subject matter. So, it just meant to tease the mind a bit.

[Liquid Content]

Atti- Hands down this would have to be the best piece i have ever read from you on any site. Just the use of pure complexity thrown in with your vocab and your vividness was amazing.. your imagery was very deep and complexy if your not a good poet or dont understand everything and dont pay close attention to the message that your saying you wont get the poem at all. very nice work here from you i was amazed to see you write like this.

Mindless i haveent really looked at alot of your pieces i have viewd a couple from time to time but this is a good one from you.. Your vocab was complex more so then usual but more laid back then attis.. your imagery was still astounding and very vivid that is one thing i liked about this was the vividness and complexity of it. very nice drop from the both of you.

mind if you get the chance can you peep my new piece its in my sig. "Strength"

[Atti]

Whhhhy thank you

[soulstice.]

as soon as i looked at this thread, i knew what it would be about, or what it owuld be based around, and i knew it would DOPE AS FUCK... and it was dope as fuck

this was like Aesop Rock meets Einstein meets Mr. Cranium shit, you guys had mad complex wordplay, and dope vocabulary, all fitting into very short bars which made the flow very smooth... the way you slurred your words and the random rhyme scheme was tight, and Mind's multies were just adding more illness to this shit... great piece both of you, so many ways to interpret this, just nasty

hit up "The Encephelon capacity"

[Tony Brown]

ok sorry atty, but i've read this shit like 4 times and i still don't fully understand it lol very complex and you obviously your have a vocabulary beyone me. Though i did understand most of the metaphors and i'd like to say you both did a good job with that. The flow was very nice the imagery was very detailed and deep. so good job on this one fellas