This Old Tounge

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Thread: This Old Tounge

  1. #1
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    This Old Tounge

    Another damn situation, unsolvable because of old ramifications
    silenced wolverine mouths due to an unwritten soul discrimination
    the whole friggin nation has become a by-product of blasphemy
    brutal law enforcement with loaded shotties is not a masterpiece
    im ballistic, the Intelligent academy is after me, so i run!
    my perception of tounge? all other nuclear weapons are done
    whats this rude science become? its gotten my stunned
    forgotten not one, but a million sprinting scared pacifists
    so the passive fist of an angry bitch becomes the enemies advocate
    whats after this. Guns spewing from the tip of my tounge?
    or maybe a billion crackheads complain and its suddenly done
    im not one to succumb to the false flag, theirs mall tags all over some
    thats genuine faking, settling the disturbance won't make it shut up
    we will be strong, marching on, why cant peace take a tranquil angle
    Judges mistaked for angels, then the prisoner shackled by the ankles
    So we tackle the situation with avid patience, whats adjacent to amity?
    pain and profanity, and the apex of the current state of this train wreck
    America can be called the age when even disdain wept
    im taking inane steps, pacing back and forth on the borderline of two sides
    searching for a new mind cuz a cause is where I threw mine
    as I'll soon find, my deluded kind only leads to animosity; im useless
    perhaps the tounge is the monstrosity not the guns, but who gives two shits
    fuck it, im jut gonna travel down an unlit lane, playing games
    talking about what coulda been, how i coulda played
    my last thoughts at i was duly slayed by a juice grenade

    oh the irony




    overview

    this is about a man talking about nonviolence, and the goverment wrong way of pretending to care, then eventually just gives up and ends up dying because of it

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  2. #2
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    Truthfully man I was really feeling this... you have some vivid lyrics and a good description..

    You had me hooked on the start GREAT first bar...

    and btw peep my thread First Posts - Deep Lyrics

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  3. #3
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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  4. #4
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    good shit nice bars and good flow
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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  5. #5
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    That was an amazing piece, you had good imagry, the vocab was outstanding and flow was on point.. i liked the topic and the multis and rhymes were amazing, if anything you'd have 2 work on structure a little more but really it was well put together... keep it up and i look forward to reading more from you

    -sorry 4 da short feed i'm just in a hurry-

    ~1~

  6. #6
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    upping..... thanx to all

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  7. #7
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    Wtf at the topic..lol...all i can say is that it is mad different and mad creative but thats not all that bad cuz i like reading about different shit....anyways..excellent source of complexity and creativity shown in this peice...excellent vocab throughout..flow was good the whole way through..nice and smooth..strucutre was really nice....imagery was alright in places but mostly good...Overall i liked this...keep at it man...peace~

  8. #8
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    well i dont like the modern day text-sweep about being denied at heavens gates, or killing yourself for some stupid reason, or something to do with Jesus or suicude.. tried something more original (i think?) here

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  9. #9
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    This was a good and original piece, taht alone is an accomplishment as people don't write much original topics nowadays, i prolly don't myself but that's some thing i need to work on....I liked your flow, the multiples really beefed up the verse and the description and overall imagery was very good. Overall, well done...ths was a breath of fresh air...so keep it up
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  10. #10
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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  11. #11
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    back to the top

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  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    wow very original which is great you used a good variety of wordplay and vocab very good at both of those the flow was ok but coulda been improved a lil (the only critisism i have) rhyming really caught my eye it seemed somehow different then most only i couldnt think of how so great peice really felt it keep it up
    leave feed on my om the rising tides
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  13. #13
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Nice drop, content is definatly
    on point man. Flow was there
    in places, others it was maybe,
    a syllable or so out - but nothin'
    you cant work on and perfect. I
    really ebnjoyed this actually, and
    dont think Ive read much from you
    before, but this wasnt bad. A great
    first drop, and hopefully you'll build
    on it and keep this standard up. Go
    sign into the Sacred Scriptures league,

    We could use more heads like yourself in there.

    Peace!

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  14. #14
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    thanks to all who replied

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  15. #15
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    ryze.......................

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