The Broken Mirror…

[The Vortex]

The Broken Mirror…

There I am looking back at my own reflection thru the glass
hoping so intensely that my future is clearer than the past
…Few years fucking in oblivion blurred, masked behind cloud
obscure omens clutter my path, I seek refuge under the shroud
Far from the harshness of realism, beyond all realms of indifference
…using telepathy as anew figure-of-speech and significance
A distant land beckons me, still I’m turned in reverse by destiny
…in the shape of icy threats and verbal WordPerfect weaponry
It makes no difference to me between one conception & the next
my rhymes roll on, like one big continuous conundrum of stress

I reveal hits, my will to live breaking thru brick-walls wit steel-fists
ya’ll cats feel it, I spill true-life, make truth stick n hit fans wit real shit
Fools slip on my words, it’s diabolic, and politics get on the nerves
I could flip on the verge of a chronic sickness n let rip on the Earth
Defend my grim bones spitting fire & brimstone, hotness is brewing
then scrape my eyes from their sockets so I’ll no longer witness the ruin
Stomping over concrete cracks, the street collapses in my aftermath
…I pen in a fever as I complete the last chapters of my epitaph.
Here lies the spirit of a soldier sunken in drunken fits of anger
I stare back at the mirror, my vision freezes over; it’s a cliff-hanger

………………To be continued
1

[The Vortex]

linkages
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268094
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267821

[J.Christ]

A distant land beckons me, still I’m turned in reverse by destiny
…in the shape of icy threats and verbal WordPerfect weaponry
It makes no difference to me between one conception & the next
my rhymes roll on, like one big continuous conundrum of stress

feelin it .

I could flip on the verge of a chronic sickness n let rip on the Earth
Defend my grim bones spitting fire & brimstone, hotness is brewing
then scrape my eyes from their sockets so I’ll no longer witness the ruin

sounds like the stress I have . lol


Wordplay . O.k.
Flow - Nice
.

[big j da fat boy]

yo this was deep. it had great vocab an flow. it had some good imagery an it just made me want to keep reading. an thanx for givin feed on that other om peace out

[P. Mortuus]

Yeah most def feeling this, i would quote the lines but to do that i would prolly have ta quote the whole thing, the multies, rhymes and imagery used were interesting and suited this piece and helped the words flow in my brain better, all in all i'll be waiting for part 2

[The Vortex]

safe for the lookouts yo

pz1

[Artifact]

Another good topic choice & another great OM... this was pretty deep...
The flow was on point throughout... rhyme scheme was cool...
Good vocab & some great imagery in there...
Good job on this one.



It would be much appreciated if you could drop a quick vote on this battle:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268331

[$ammy $outh$ide]

that was dope.
it was good flow and vocab
i hope to see more from u
8/10
and i liked the story u was tellin

[mcakbar]

Liked the first part, like the emotion put into it and the words used to convey it. Nice!

The way this was written made me continue, searching for the next line. Good idea to leave it on the cliff-hanger...

Don't really have any advice I can offer... It was pretty well written all-round.

Keep it up.

[justrude]

the first part was dope as fuck! u used rhymes that nobody woulda thought of using. it was sikk! my vote// 9.5/10

[The Vortex]

thanx for checkin it all out yo

pz1




up

[EyeCandy]

Far from the harshness of realism, beyond all realms of indifference
…using telepathy as anew figure-of-speech and significance
A distant land beckons me, still I’m turned in reverse by destiny
…in the shape of icy threats and verbal WordPerfect weaponry
It makes no difference to me between one conception & the next
my rhymes roll on, like one big continuous conundrum of stress

^^^deffo feelin dis bit.. niice imagery 2.. fave lines..

I reveal hits, my will to live breaking thru brick-walls wit steel-fists
ya’ll cats feel it, I spill true-life, make truth stick n hit fans wit real shit

^^ niice..

Fools slip on my words, it’s diabolic, and politics get on the nerves
I could flip on the verge of a chronic sickness n let rip on the Earth
Defend my grim bones spitting fire & brimstone, hotness is brewing
then scrape my eyes from their sockets so I’ll no longer witness the ruin

^^^lovin dis biit..

Here lies the spirit of a soldier sunken in drunken fits of anger
I stare back at the mirror, my vision freezes over; it’s a cliff-hanger

………………To be continued
1

^^^ perfect endin..

perfect flow, structure, wordplay, u had some niice multies in there 2.. 10/10
like ur last piece u wrote in o.m.. dam! u only seem 2 be gettin better each time..
keep @ it aiite hun.. hope 2 read mo' from ya.. 1

[The Vortex]

geez!.. good lookin out Laydee
knock out

pz1

[EyeCandy]

itz all kool hun stil lookin foward 2 tha second part 2 dis.....

[Paragon]

i really liked this, deep, complex, good vocab. the only thing is that the second half of most of the bars seemed to be slightly too long, maybe a syllable or two. it's barely noticeable... i don't know why i even mentioned it.