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Thread: ~~Heather M.~~

  1. #1
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    ~~Heather M.~~

    in my asylum where im fryin, still im tryin but not complyin.....
    bitches lyin, over tha years no more cryin, fuckin stories i aint buyin.....
    females cheatin, never thinkin always speakin, drive by creepin.....
    where she stay at on tha weekend, smokes my bud and keeps on tweekin.....
    personal pages keep on peakin, now i lost her trust......
    we get together it seems its lust, so mad when we fuck i almost bust....
    was she a slut? she couldnt take it, when i dicked her id almost break it...
    i used to think she used to fake it, now i see i was mistaken....
    mind is bakin, fucked from drugs my blood was shakin, what was i takin.....
    then we split, go our ways dont give 2 shits, stayin lit, a bitch to rip....
    just a trick to lick my dick, no need for love when she would strip.....
    now i know i missed my lady, one whos decent and aint real shady.....
    one who played me, now she laid me down to sleep.....
    i wish this girl my heart to keep, if she dies before i wake.....
    i gave this girl my heart to take,so keep it safe.....
    now were back together, as were older now were better.....
    no more need for us to sever, theres no endeavor.....
    no bad weather, atleast tha rain has ceased,so we feast.....
    now shes carryin, we fixed our problems were good for marryin....
    with a child in her womb, new editions comin soon.


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  2. #2
    Newbie
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    the only thing good about your shit was the picture of the chronic your shit is busted it was a good try man im about to take over this website battle me nigga so i can get my first win u ho ass nigga

  3. #3
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    come in my thread again and talk some shit, ill have u banned faster than u got on this bitch,u wack ass fuck.~1~


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  4. #4
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    This had a lot of multis, would probably make a good audio. You built the story up with some description, and the piece had an ending, kinda simple, but still brought it all together. The way you structured the piece made it more presentable than having the short lines. There was some emotion, that will go along with the rhyming as positives.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=194115

  5. #5
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    thanks for tha replies kid.~1~


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  6. #6
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    bat bat bat poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

    This was 1 of the best pieces i read in this forum. This was deep and the wordplay was good. Keep it up.
    written voices makes hidden noises

  7. #7
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    appreciate tha replies and critique,uppin.~1~


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  8. #8
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    uppin this piece for critique.~1~


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  9. #9
    Blu3 H@ze
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    yo go to my thread battle against lyrical aszaszin and vote who won ight ......cool

  10. #10
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    post critique in my threads,not questions about me votin on your battle.~1~


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  11. #11
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    No links.
    ...

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