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Thread: Dear John djb & lyric

  1. #1
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    Dear John djb & lyric

    Dear John,

    I love you, but cant relate to the hate pursue to do
    visions of kids in tubes like me continue through
    true I brought it on myself inhaling cancerous smoke
    now I don’t breath but choke, clinging onto hope
    paralyzed by doubt I spout 4 u to choose a new route
    I pout cuz I can only write not speak and let pain out
    devout in love, but your product makes me succumb
    run down and frowned alert but seems to be numb
    john for me please leave and save lives in my name
    blame the money that came, quit and forget shame
    my last wish is this.......family man, no tobacco CEO
    tow two daughters, a father farther away from the 1 I know

    What happened to your wife, was unfortunate to say the least
    But at least you’ll see, that soon she’ll finally be at peace
    We’re put on this world to die, but its what we do with life
    That builds our legacy, before we rise to meet the Christ
    You’re a very successful man, coasting on life’s plan
    But think of the costs, before you take your wife’s stand
    Your in a multi-billion dollar business, of course there are risks
    But shit, theres a warning on the pack, when people buy it
    They know smoking kills, but yet they do it anyway
    Isn’t that their fault? They smoke and you get paid
    If you quit your entire life’s work, what will you do?
    Come on man, its not so bad, jus logically think this through


    please, see you gotta be faithful, fulfill her set goals
    pull away from greed and impede evil to free her soul
    you put her in her grave, don’t let her ideals die this way
    prey and act for her today instead on behalf of the shame
    take your name off the cooperate ladder, focus life on after
    leave the wine and champaign, campaign for what matters
    u wanna float to heavens skies on a materialistic carpet ride?
    or oblige and dive inside to find a divine connection lies
    meet on clouds of enlightenment proud of the fight you gave
    the lives you saved, reverse the plagued to live another day
    and no, you didnt make your wife smoke, same with the kids
    give in, support or abort, think about the things u already did

    mid life strife, just lost his wife, john cried this night
    his plight was give up the cash, or fight for whats right
    listening to voices on his shoulders he grew colder
    transgressed bolder he looked to the stars and told her
    “my love, I do it all for you, please believe my fortitude
    not money, you and our children were all that was true”
    john took his tie off and removed his golden wristwatch
    threw himself into unemployment, to get his love caught
    death taught the importance of life, saddest story of all others
    two daughters with a single father, living for a departed mother




    lyric is in italics i am normal.
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  2. #2
    Banned
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  3. #3
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Last edited by Laureate; April 27th, 2005 at 08:31 PM
    A few achievements here and there

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  4. #4
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Come on now
    A few achievements here and there

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  5. #5
    i didnt really understand the format of this until i read the last paragraph...But after going back over to look at it once more i see the creativity put into this. It's a shame wut smoking can do to you and you just gave a vision of how it can affect someone's life... Very nice. The flow was on point all the way through, i c alot of skill

    ~1
    "I'm not a Bitch, and im not mean...
    I'm just not beat in the head for the bullsh*t"

    -kept real

  6. #6
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    thank you very much, yeah we are very deep and smart....lol. up
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  7. #7
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    jeez...come on now
    A few achievements here and there

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  8. #8
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    honestly, one feed? please we want some more
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  9. #9
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    wow om is getting extrememly gay. please give us some feed
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  10. #10
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    bullshit
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  11. #11
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    What the fuck
    A few achievements here and there

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  12. #12
    Banned UnMerkable's Avatar
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    yo this was a very emotional drop, i liked the concept and tha flow from both of yall, good imagery overall id say it was 9.7/10~ good shit both yall!

  13. #13
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed. can we please get a little more
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  14. #14
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Boo@people not leaving you feeds...

    Very nice topic guys and i liked the way the storyline was conceived.i am a smoker so i the topic appealed to me more... the emotion was deep,and the imagery was well painted inside my head... djb's rhymescheme was in some places a little predictable, i liked the one you used in your second verse(liked the multis too), but still good rhymescheme fam and i can see improvments in your rhymescheme... lyric's rhymescheme was very nice. both of you had good vocabulary and pretty spot-on wordchoicesl...overall a very nice piece guys... keep it up!

    Peace!
    Def Poets Society

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