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Thread: Salt in da Wounds

  1. #1
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    Salt in da Wounds

    (Dedicated to,aaah fuck it)

    Fuck dis world um cursed from birth ma lifes sticky
    like a rose da appearence is nice but get closer an its prickly
    da salt in my eye is da reason i cry coz der no point
    why has god gave me ma life,to rob and smoke joints
    wen it comes2rhymes we only spit about drugs and crime
    50cent portrays himself as da king of da nines
    are lil kids finking guns are like sweets,its ok to blast
    wen we kill and fight each other its da cops who have da last laugh
    came2england da age of 8,it was like an un-watered seed
    da consequence of it been taken to early-was da sudden need
    not ready to be a man-thrown in da boat wen i couldn't swim
    not intrested in going church-why did i have to sing da hym
    god please show me why da termites eat holes into ma soul
    nuffin stops da cancer from burning holes in ma noes
    suffering the penetration of da needle into a balloon
    dis is ma story-of salt in da wounds

    1st review
    2nd review
    written voices makes hidden noises

  2. #2
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Fix your goddamn grammar. I know you think it's "cool" or "gangsta" to type like an idiot but that stuff is not appreciated by me. It's not that hard to open microsoft words processor and spellcheck your work. The content is played. Alot of the concepts and metaphors have been used to death. Even if this was true to your heart, it could've been expressed much more skillfully. I know that you're new to this but you need serious work. Luckily there are a couple of heads here willing to help new writers elevate. Keep writing and grow through your writing.
    murder murder

  3. #3
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    ^Word to the grammar comment

    vary and make your rhyme scheme more complex....try to add some emotion or imagry or something...this was pretty boring
    A few achievements here and there

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