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Thread: angel

  1. February 24th, 2005, 03:32 AM #1
    djb
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    angel

    When I wake I prey an angel will light my day
    my eyes stay aimed to the sky and heavens way
    dark clouds pass and sin rains on me constantly
    all is difficult, harmony and honesty seem bothering
    my road to righteousness stopped me on a red
    drown down in a depressing perpetual dread
    I am forever still in a world of rushing motion
    going through the motions without commotion
    deafening silence surrounds my empty solitude
    due to a forced home brewed malicious attitude
    wits end is stringing a forsaken roped noose
    when an epiphany dashes the and form a truce
    though the window a single white rose falls
    and angel drifts in my midst and reassures all
    seducing beauty subdues my consciousness
    her presence arouses my ill fated happiness
    and suddenly with a breeze we are connected
    the hairs on my arm become alert and erected
    once dejected her brilliance exhibits a new hope
    I fall into her grasp and feel a loosened rope
    all of life is contrived through a random meeting
    a surprise visit from mother kept my heart beating
    she was an angel in disguise, I just didnt see
    but she was there all along, thank you mommy
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  2. February 24th, 2005, 03:39 AM #2
    Center Sight
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    When I wake I prey an angel will light my day
    my eyes stay aimed to the sky and heavens way
    dark clouds pass and sin rains on me constantly
    all is difficult, harmony and honesty seem bothering
    deafening silence surrounds my empty solitude
    due to a forced home brewed malicious attitude
    though the window a single white rose falls
    and angel drifts in my midst and reassures all
    seducing beauty subdues my consciousness
    her presence arouses my ill fated happiness

    nice.. im feelin the way you put this together.. very nice, good imagery and description, steady.. very good vocab, and some nice consistancy, i quoted my fav parts.. good piece, hit mine up
    Good Luck. You're Gonna Need It.
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  3. February 24th, 2005, 03:55 AM #3
    djb
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...99#post2106699
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...05#post2106705
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  4. February 24th, 2005, 10:36 AM #4
    warchild
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    This was a deep verse the structure and vocab were fine but you need to work on your flow but you got good emotion in the rhymes so it was cool.
    The imagery was fine but i thought there were to many big words in there to be as emotional as you wanted it to be.

    Return the favour.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173174
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  5. February 24th, 2005, 02:19 PM #5
    djb
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    thank you for the feedback guys
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  6. February 25th, 2005, 04:39 AM #6
    djb
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  7. February 25th, 2005, 05:45 AM #7
    lotta white
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    It was a dope verse... ya imaginary was there keep up....piece...
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  8. February 25th, 2005, 07:41 PM #8
    djb
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    lol thanks up
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  9. February 25th, 2005, 07:48 PM #9
    Devyne_Wordz
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    I was feelin' the way you twisted everythin'. It went together nicely. Big UpZ!!
    A Poet's Request

    Words are the key that bring forth the unique power.
    Emotions become intense as I feel the universal flow.
    The message now streams through me and out to the flowing ink.
    Paper now takes in the message that you the readers can relate.
    My excitement continues as more surges fill my poetic needs

    []0 [] []v[] []0
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  10. February 25th, 2005, 09:08 PM #10
    VertextheGoliath
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    Interesting Drop.
    Little Wordplay.
    Few Multies.
    Rhyme Scheme Was Average.
    Imagery Played The Key Role.
    Good Shit.
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  11. February 25th, 2005, 09:10 PM #11
    silent j
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    yo that was sweet man like good job

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  12. February 26th, 2005, 01:20 PM #12
    lyrically_insane
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    yo homie i was feeling this piece all da way.....i like your imagery!...thats wthat you specialize in huh?...it seems like you just INSTANTLY paint a pikture in my head evrytime i read your drops!...there were no need for much multies in here and the rhyme scheme was perfect for this piece!....as always keep up tha good shit homie and much PROPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    oh can you hit these up much appreciated it:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173698

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173321
    VERBAL INTERCOURSE
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  13. February 26th, 2005, 04:42 PM #13
    Na~Ledge
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    You definatly did your thing fam. Nice story, great ending. Consistant all the way through.

    Favorite lines:

    I am forever still in a world of rushing motion
    going through the motions without commotion
    deafening silence surrounds my empty solitude
    due to a forced home brewed malicious attitude

    thats some ill ish man. Keep doing ur thing.
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  14. February 26th, 2005, 05:51 PM #14
    Tim
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    nice drop great emotion level you put into this it felt heartfelt and that are the kinda of pieces i really enjoy ready you had a good flow alos with good use of vocab you really knew what you were talking about and not just rambling on about nothing this really had a point great job please return the favor on my piece thank you
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  15. February 26th, 2005, 11:44 PM #15
    djb
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    damn thanks for the feed everybody. havent got this much for a while. i will hit up everybodies piece tomorrow. thank you
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