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Thread: Segregated Skies

  1. #1
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    Segregated Skies

    Segregated Skies.

    The contrast of past situations colors the scene
    were blood red hatred in humanity is released
    as increasing beliefs of unity bleed thoroughly
    though we plead to see peace, it's shown slowly
    while prejudice is growing boldly in our communities
    knowingly taking control of this lowly opportunity
    to see an age old conflict brought to center-stage,
    caught in the same frame, unless we enter change.

    Pigments of skin seperate the atmosphere's clouds
    where storms rain down, on weathered souls now
    never clearing the tears, that are hitting the ground,
    drowning in the shadows of an overcast crowd.


    How does history repeat the lessons it couldnt teach
    bringing back memories and feelings it couldnt reach,
    reason wouldnt speak to ease each weeping individual
    we all thought freedom was supposed to be indivisible,
    but people living in ghettos are oppressed and miserable
    the visual is unmistakable, full of shame, its disgraceful
    when hope is breakable, shattered and left emotionless
    from one man we we're scattered, yet we're so different

    Nations blend together the horizon, if just for an instant
    the sunrise remains distant, and we regain resistance
    lightning cracks as existence is replaced by the breeze,
    will we ever insist a reprise or come to comprimise these...


    Segregated Skies.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    LiTeSknBaby F.A.M.'s Avatar
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    niiiiiiiiiiiceee..deep..this my type of shit here,,i liked the way you typed it with the italics then the regular letters gave me the feel of it ,,,,then in the end it was like comprimise these.... then the titel segregated skies...yeh thats it i loved it and i dont love alotta shit..vocab all that ..

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    the first verse it was kinda off or it threw me off i just dont see how thoroughly and slowly rhyme..
    after that it was smooth sailing....
    contents was ill i liked reading it
    second block was confusing, pigment and skin are the same word....
    the last two blocks where fire though especially the very last....
    return the favor.....hills beverly
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=164277

  4. #4
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    F.A.M. - thanks for checking this out. glad you liked it.

    Jim - "oughly and owly" ? (o-lee) it rhymes, i just think some people pronounce it differently. and pigment means color, skin doesnt necessarily have color, i.e. white people, so pigments of skin = colored skin; that seperates from (white) clouds. maybe that helps? thanks for reading also man, and the honest feed. appreciate it.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  5. #5
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    up.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  6. #6
    *DUO*
    Guest
    I like this...beautifully written and painted a nice picture. gj

    drop some feedback on my collab w/FAM if you wouldnt mind....
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=164300

  7. #7
    ninjaboy
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    i liked it, nice vocab and good flow, there were a couple lines where you had internals, but the end didn't rhyme, i don't know what was up with that. but the imagery was good, so it seems to make up for it.

    "the visual is unmistakable, full of shame, its disgraceful
    when hope is breakable, shattered and left emotionless
    from one man we we're scattered, yet we're so different"

    disgraceful, emotionless, and different don't rhyme, but the rest of the line is dope. that was weird for me but somehow it worked. anyways, nice drop, and hit up my newest piece, wasting time:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=164199

  8. #8
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    Dou- thanks, ill hit up that collab.

    ninja- disgraceFUL end rhymed with miseraBLE, not an exact rhyme though, same as emotionLESS and differENT, focusing on the last syllable E sound. i think there called slant rhymes, not sure though. thanks for checking this out. ill go read your newest.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  9. #9
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Mindless this was a real good piece your description was real good. I'm not going to complain about your flow like most did because I understand it. You did a good job with this piece and maybe we can collab some time.

  10. #10
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    hey thanks shadow. yeah just pm me, im up for collabs anytime.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  11. #11
    I'm Bakk!
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    This was nice.......Keep up the good work imagery was nice and flow was consistant......keep spittin pz

  12. #12
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  13. #13
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Nice...

    Nice short piece...unique topic as well..
    nice wordusage , and steady flow..
    Help me enjoy the read better...

    "Pigments of skin seperate the atmosphere's clouds
    where storms rain down, on weathered souls now"

    Those two lines stood out to me the most...
    your vocabulary brought out the meaning pretty
    well....

    peace

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