It's Going

[DarkIce]

Just a quick rap about how society is crumbling into this world of frustration!

As i walk down the street/
All I see is cattle and meat/
It's what the people are today/
In this thing called society's way/
Everything has gone sour/
Everybody wantin' power/
People tryin' to provide/
For their family at their side/
The whole system is a glide/
Through this world i reside/
Nobody's been noticing/
What is going to be following/
It's the exodus of this universe/
In which the people will disperse/

Some feedback plz
(this is the first rap i have EVER written)

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[tonguetwista]

hey this isnt too bad for your first rap ever...it has some alright flow and rhymes. you just need to elevate and youll get there

As i walk down the street/
All I see is cattle and meat/
...i dont like the cattle and meat thing..

it was aight..

peace

[Predatorian]

strong but easy rhymes... played subject... good thing though for first time... PROPS
pz

[DarkIce]

Yeah Credz Heres ya 2 open mic links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161026

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161429

[warchild]

this was good for your first rap ever, a bit short but good emotions in ya rhymes, keep writing and ya flow will improve.
reply 2 my last post
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161496

[YoungTuan]

you gotta up your vocab but that was good for your first time ever