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Thread: Drink Driving (I Hit A Brick Wall)

  1. #1
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    Drink Driving (I Hit A Brick Wall)

    Drink Driving (I Hit A Brick Wall)



    Passion sparks ignited, a flame of ecstacy, 3 points to his liscence and a demon behind the wheel,
    Yet I felt compelled to travel, drunk with liquor and fatigue, a ravers whistle round my neck, a desire to go to sleep,
    Home was by a lonely road that was in dark, concealed, the stars all ran for cover, the moon not yet revealed,
    A 20 minute struggle, if i could force my legs to wield, the poison in my liver, that being sick would heal.
    My vision blurred and fading, as alcohol slurred my speech and the lids fell down on weary eyes, put sight so out of reach,
    I retired to the pavement, lay flat out on the concrete, my weight became too heavy, no longer trusting my own feet,
    I half felt myself be lifted, and heard distant whispers groan, of the dangers I'd be faced with, if I was left alone,
    I let my mind drift elsewhere, but my body was caught in cyclone, round and round in circles hearing sounds that weren't my own,
    I heard the whir of engines and the baseline on the breeze that drifted from the open club where I'd washed my throat with whiskey,
    Drowned my sorrows in a litre of Jack Daniels tennesse, before noticing I'd had enough, exceeded my expertise,
    He must have rolled the window down, for the cold licked at my face and he sped towards the rush hour and time gave way to race,
    Rapid rocking forwards, almost lolling on the dashboard, stomach acid rising upwards, I felt vomit hit the floor,
    He mopped my face with sheer disgust and I mumbled apologies, that sounded ten times louder to my driver's sober ears,
    We hit the highway locked on 90 miles as we sped into the dark, and the engine chuntered forward, heating up, giving off sparks,
    An array of tears and screaming, a shower of fuel and blood, as we gathered pace so promptly and drifted off the road,
    And down the hill we slid, crashing against rocks on the way, desperate attempts to get it back in gear; it did not work out that way,
    And anticipating madness, at the bottom of this fall, a year or two in prison, and a badly placed brick wall.
    Def Poets

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned The Drifter's Avatar
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    Were you high when you wrote this?

  4. #4
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    meaning it was terrible? ...
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  5. #5
    Banned The Drifter's Avatar
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    Lol nah.. it's pretty good man.

    I'll edit in a proper reply now.. gimme a few mins.

  6. #6
    Banned The Drifter's Avatar
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    Lol nah.. it's pretty good man.

    The lines were kinda stretched.. which didn't help the flow but it wasn't too bad.

    I liked the way you described the feelings.. captured them well with words.. which is hard to do.

    '..and I mumbled apologies, that sounded ten times louder to my driver's sober ears.'

    I especially liked that line.. real nice.

    Vocab was utilized well.. nothing too complex while keeping it above basic.

    The main focal point tho was the feelings you put into it.. which as said you did very well.

    Overall a tight piece man.. props on this.

  7. #7
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    thanks...and i love your sig...dopeness.
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  8. #8
    VillagePimpX2
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    Your alot better than last time I seen shit from you... damn

    Lines were stretched but it happens ya know... can't blame ya... it was ill

    Great in describing the feelings in this... that was siccness... ya know.

    I liked your vocab... it was good...

    Really... I don't know what else to say... it was hella tite... I really got into it...
    8.5/10

  9. #9
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    cheers pimp! coolness...
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  10. #10
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    ill put a reply in here soon....and peopel still call u man
    Bittersweet

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