preciate the comments
preciate the comments
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
Nice piece man. The overall content was very vivid, I'm assuming that's what you were shooting for with this. The concept of war is used but, if you can up the standard of whats being done with it like with what you did here than it's fine. The only thing I didn't like about this was the flow in the first and second verses. The lines were too long and the internals weren't holding the final rhyme enough so often by the end of the line I'd lost the flow. The third verses on the other hand was just the right length, everything was fine there. So, work on structuring more evenly so you don't have different sized verses, and if you are going to use those longer lines make sure the flow is kept up throughout.
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
preciate the comments and the pointers
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
Originally Posted by Pakaveli
have you actualy checked out certain joints thats supposed as legends.
uhm?. everything is debatable
Not really....i won't either cause i don't wanna get influenced by them...i strive to create my own...our colab gonna be legendary na mean
this was a brilliant peice,your imagery was what stuck out the most to me,it was absolutely fantastic,you have a real way with words,the war theme is kind of played but that didn't take anything away from this peice,it was very good (as usual lol) and I really enjoyed reading it,the only thing that I didn't think was too good was the flow in certain parts,it was a little choppy in the second stanza and it kind of threw me off a bit,but other than that this was a very very good peice,you have talent,and I'm glad to see that you are using it to its full extent.well done
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...91#post4423291
return the favour please
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
24 x OM Hall Of Fame
Preciate and i've checked ya piece under alias aight
this was o.k the flow was great but what impress me was the vocab nice vocab you had a average verse
THEY GONE HATE ME NOW
preciate the comments
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
Ok this guy is just brain dead cause that was a brilliant piece.I really enjoyed what I read and imagery and creativity was fantastic especially your creativity.You structure was very well done also.This piece was flawless just like a lot of your pieces.Keep it up bro cause that was a piece to be prud of .
Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
But how you fall doesn't matter
Its how you land
Appreciate it and good to see people enjoying the read
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
I dunno man
you had some cool lines and shit. but I wasnt feeling the flow too much, mostly cause you didnt really use multis. and well.. yea they do help the flow alot. so maybe you should start using some.
also some transitions seemed to not be smooth and shit. like it'd go from one thing to another without any smooth transition there, and I feel thats also needed and important.
other than that.. it was good for it it was. keep dropping man
UA
Set up is awesome. I feel that it was great to take more than one point of view on the situation. You represent two sides of a war and conflict, but not in the way people would think, it was the same army. The flow was on point and rhyme was precise. It didn't interfere with your diction in any way. Great Job.
RTF please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250742
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
preciate all the comments
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
uppin
Posting Rules
Reply With Quote