Up for Suggestions.

Lovely is the gods when they shine a day like this,
take the mic and deliver the gifts like christmas,
its this, infinite skill, comin from the little brother,
givin props all round and gettin them back from others,

The sun shines its grace on the faces of the crowds,
I preach the speach outloud and gladly move the clouds,
proud brothers walkin side by side, rappin pride,
faces masked but still not the reason that we hide,

Give me a little cream and the dream for our team,
forget the obsene scenes and the motion picture screens,
Ive been mean, but those days are now behind me,
lovely with the honeys on the playgrounds where youll find me,

Heaven rays, mention the days of past writtens,
spittin ill with the flow and showin what my gift is,
I lift kids, to a plain in there own spirits,
rap is the way, so turn it up to really hear it.

Its not quite Finished yet.
The title for the piece is still up for suggestion, so if anyones got any ideas for it hit me back, and leave some decent feed back for me.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250317

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250286

uppin for some honest feed.

Uppin for some feed cmon people!

In my country, people are very hungry//
For the very reason, bush is way to humble with his money//
While people are starving, and whining without mommies//
Bush is sitting on his ass throwing a few back//
Then when your kids get older, they fight for their country//
Over seas? MAN its to much for me//
So when they come back from fighting in IRAQ//
All the soldiers made a pact//
That they would never go back//
To fight in IRAQ//
Then when Bush gets upset with the enemy//
His first response ? lets just bomb on that country ?//
As the unnamed soldiers are sent back to IRAQ and in pain//
LORD their calling on your name//
The bomb is dropped and not contained//
As the freefall is engaged//
The soldiers run enraged, and in pain, just like freed slaves//
As it falls to the ground, it makes a loud sound//
The sound of the families in pain//
For their soldiers are enraged and no longer in pain//
They have now past with the day, there was no other way//
In god we trust right, we went down without a fight//
So as our soldiers rest in peace//
Bush is playing with his niece//
As more soldiers are deployed to IRAQ//
Bush is feeling greedy, to the needy//
The ones that need help//
The ones that were wiped off the map//
And now covered in crap//
Their wonderful city gone in a snap//
Did bush bring supplies of many shapes and size//
NO, the wonder above came in a flash//
To the rescue//
To save my new born nephew//
Who?s name is Andrew//

tell me what you think this is my first time doin this shit!
give me some feed back

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr. Insane

tell me what you think this is my first time doin this shit!
give me some feed back

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Tell you what I think? I think you're an idiot. Not because of your drop, but because you dropped in someone else's thread. Stealing thunder... tsk tsk

Quote:

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Originally Posted by -IsIs-

The sun shines its grace on the faces of the crowds,
I preach the speach outloud and gladly move the clouds,
proud brothers walkin side by side, rappin pride,
faces masked but still not the reason that we hide,

Give me a little cream and the dream for our team,
forget the obsene scenes and the motion picture screens,
Ive been mean, but those days are now behind me,
lovely with the honeys on the playgrounds where youll find me,

---

Those are the two stanzas, I guess you'd call them, that I really liked. You did a good job with rhyming here by making sense and rhyming a lot in the lines. This one needs an upgrade in vocabulary, but it turned out alright.