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ABC's of life
Conseild in a dark room is where the heart is groomed.
I guess I was there to long because my passtion is rude.
confind to a world where we know the devil rules.
off with the head is a consident tune.
with mis smith bang out the melondy your garented to lose.
It's just a matter of time before your singing the blues.
And now you know why the all seeing are blind.
because one look at this world will have you lost in your own mind.
think why oh why do boys cry girls get raped and mothers die.
hard to deal with when you lose one in your own blood line.
if we where all social path we would just ride.
Put we poor out that licker cause it herts on the in side.
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I thought this was a decent attempt at doing deeper rhymes but i just felt you didnt have enough vocab or imagery in there to make it stand out.
The concept was ok but i think you need to sit down and work on your vocab so you can learn how to desribe in more detail your thoughts about the world your life etc etc.
The structure needs work try and keep your bars to the same length.
Just keep writing the more you write the more you'll learn about different stles flow.
It was a decent attempt but you need to be more descriptive.
Return the favour:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186523
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