Confessions of a Holy Man

Confessions of a Holy Man

Our father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those, who trespass against us
And lead us not in to temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
The power and glory
Forever and ever
Amen

Father I have sinned, my heart is soiled
As my blood boils, in turmoil
And my nerves coil, in to a knot
I forgot, thy eyes will forever watch
As I rot, victimized in this plot
I beg, that thy will forgive
Satan’s work is intangible
Unimaginable evil in the hearts of men

The specifications, of priesthood
Means that I should, be devoted
My sugar coated life has imploded
My skin is eroded, I’m devoted
To sinning, my chosen path is evil
People think that my word is
Believable, unconceivable lies
Disguise, the flame in my eyes

The child was merely six years old
Untold are the mysteries about to
Unfold. I saw him, lust over came me
This mere baby, became my joy
My toy, his soul I destroyed
I am the object of evil
Yet also the idol of love
as dark as coal, and as white as a dove

Like a bee, I will only sting once
This fake front, that disguises my life
My strife, I’ll end it all with a knife
My whole life has been speculative
Packages of pain, delivered to my door
No more will I look at children with lust
I’ve sussed what it is I need to do
So now I say good bye to you

The cold, sharp knife, slices through
I’m licensed to, perform funerals
But now someone will perform mine
Before I, go I have to let you know
That child did not die, it will continue to grow
I hope, that it’s life hasn’t been destroyed
I am truly sorry for the grief I have brought
Goodbye I love you, My God
Yours sincerely,
Father Macnamara

Father Macnamara was found slumped over his blood stained bible
The little boy grew up to be a renowned paedophile

Sin will forever be among us
But we can learn to fight it



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...283#post4423283

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...289#post4423289

uppin

nice emotional piece , i was feeling this all the way threw
a lil simple with the wordplay but it was still good
seem like this is something you could be actually going threw...
i'll be looking for more from you ........

can u return the favor and give me some feed on this

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291126

something I could actually be going through?

I'm a priest who raped a 6 year old child,and killed himself?

it is obvious that you didn't read this

I will not leave feed on your link,and I will be putting your name forward to Brix

goodbye

ok someone took there, "Look At Me Im A Pyscho Who's Trying To Be Cool" pill today... anyway feed 4 u

the first stanza - well its the lord's prayer, and obviously i cant critique you on it, so good job and good creativity on using it, cool litle addition
the second stanza - this had a pretty nice flow, it had a camarac-esque style, except with less syllablic mulites, the inners were good, and the vocab was good as well. the way you kept your lines so short really helped the piece intangible and unimaginable seems a tad bit forced to me though
stanza three - My sugar coated life has imploded --- that was pretty nice line, and the flow seemed a little fast then it just slowed down, imo you should have tried to work in a last line or two with inners to help stop the stanze... good grasp on inners though, nice ness so far
stanza fo' - this piece had a much better stopping point, and seemed basically correct, the last bar in this verse was my favorite.. "My toy, his soul I destroyed" that was proboly my least favorite, just seemed like a forced word usage... maybe use a thesaurus or reconstruct your verse
stanza fizzive -this was a basic verse, no real major flaws or no real dope parts, only thing i could really point out is that you used alliteration well and that helped the flow a bit
stanza 6 - first two lines provided a nice final opening, but it just became lackluster as it went on, rhyme scheme got simpler and less inners
overall- good grasp on mechanincs, but yoiu used the word 'grief' too much, try a thesaurus, once again, trust me, they help A whoile fucking lot. go to dictionary.com, not only will the thesaurus improve word usage parameters, it'll imrpove vocab in a verse too....
good piece, i'll look for more from you
please hit up "This Old Tounge" thanx

Hello there. Well I like the piece I'll tell you that. like the short stanzas though i think Longer lines would have worked better for this piece to make it sound more spoke word, which would make this piece more powereful. overall the story is hinted at but I love how it is substantiated by the last two sentences. Overall great flow and nice piece.

RTF Please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250742

aight word thanks for the feed

nice peice..filled with emotion and excellent imagery...good flow throughout..very smooth read....topic was interesting and pretty creative..i liked it..vocab and complexity was here as well..good job overall..i enjoyed this peice...

thanks for the feed

uppin