Apocalypse

Dark clouds feel up the sky and people begin to realize/
This is it, times up, there soon to meet there demise/
Lighting strikes, the earth rubmles and the population loses size/
Horror feels the air mixed with sounds of the desperate cries/
It gets contagious, everywhere the buildings are crackin and bustin/
People have thoughts of what they never got and begin to start lustin/
But there is no time for pleasures u must die without fussin/
Just think of those less forturnate, who were born into the world sufferin/
Some run for safety, others embrace their death with a smile/
Knowing there bound for those golden gates, so its all worth while/
Babies left for dead in dumpsters in a unknown town/
They dont speak litteraly but think to themselves, "what do i do now"/
Others join hands in prayer thankin the lord for the life they had/
Poor people careless about it, cause their experiences were always sad/
Then there are some who arent ready and think time went too fast/
Where airports were full of people, u blink, and now there are only bags/
After the tragedy ends, there is blood and bones everywhere/
Those who made it out alive, are so glad to have been spared/
If they think about it too themselves, they says "its only fair".....
That someone live throught the Struggle so somebody can tell the hier//

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...56#post2956956
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post2956965

could i get some feed on this one hear....uppin....thx

Ask and ye shall recieve.

I always like the 'apocolypse' topic despite the fact that it gets done so often. You painted a decent picture with your use of imagery but you need to work on your vocab and start using multi's to improve your flow. Try aiming for a more original topic next time and continue to work on your imagery.

Keep elavating.

It was a simple description, kinda vague and lackluster. Some inner multies would help this piece flow better and stand out more. Vocab was poor, at times it seemed the rhyming was forced. As far as staying on topic you did a good job and the imagery was pretty good. Just go for more complexity all together for your next piece.

I liked diz piece it was pretty good. I liked da imagery dat u had in it. As da otha people said tho... work on da vocab n da multi's. Those will make it more attractin n da piece a whole lot better. All in all tho it was a nice drop. Keep droppin n elevatin. 1

i thought this was pretty decent compared to some of your shit ive read.....i honestly like my rendition of the Apocalypse..but this onewa tight...originality would be tighter...and soem woprdplay..all ina ll not to bad...elevate on vocab..and imagery..a little more complexity..not too bad...keep droppin and elevatni.~1~